Upset when I'm yelled at

[Keith]

When I'm yelled at for doing something wrong, it upsets me to the point where I can just barely avoid violent retaliation. What ends up happening is I jump into my bed and cry, which is obviously a much better decision. However, even if I picture such a situation, such emotions arise despite nothing having happened.

 

[King_Oni]

I'm somewhat the same, though I don't get in bed. Chances are I'll knock someone out.

I think that yelling is counter-productive and if it's not, then I think it's at least counter productive to some people. Some people don't care to be yelled at.. they'll just jump higher as requested. Some people however don't deal well with that, and obviously the big problem is that a lot of people that do the yelling see this way of addressing someone as the only and best way to get the message across.

There are plenty of other ways to tell someone he was wrong (at a job or so), but not everyone is equipped with that skill- or mindset.

 

[Keith]

I think I've tried explaining it to my parents, but I think it's too instinctive for them to remember. My dad also has trouble being told he's doing something which someone else doesn't like, it only upsets him. I think I should leave it up to Mom to explain things to him.

I think one contributor is the fact that Dad yelled at me every time I did something which upset him when I was a kid. He never spanked me or anything like that, but I always feared him back then because of his temper. I understand him a lot more now.

 

[wyverary]

With me, it depends on the situation. If it's family, I will either verbally lash out immediately and scathingly, or just go to my room and shut myself down. In any other situation, it's all I can do to keep from running to the bathroom and crying...which sometimes happens anyway.

In any case, I do think leaving the situation is the best way to deal. Sticking around and reacting negatively is only going to worsen the situation.

 

[Keith]

Come to think of it, I think it only happens when my parents and sister yell at me. Anyone else and I go into shock/remorse.

 

[SammiArielle]

I get like that. I cant stand bieng yelled at, or even bieng talked at in a firm or loud voice, or even bieng around when someone else gets yelled at. It stresses me out and ill either start to cry, but since i try not to cry, i end up going to anger and break things. problem is i dont like to cry, i dont like bieng yelled at. im not sure if its just the loudness, or the fact that whoever is mad is saying ive done something wrong or something they didnt like (as i try to please everyone) Im not sure. when my mom yells at me i either get really mad, or really stressed, and i try to calm down by putting on headphones and music, wich she knows helps me, however lately she just takes them off and gets louder wich makes it even worse, and makes me feel like she regrets me bieng around, however i know thats probably not the case.

 

[Jordan]

Me too, I always get yelled at by parents and get told what to do, even though I live on my own. I get a sense where if I feel like I am somewhere that I ain't wanted, then I have to walk away from the situation unscathed. Unless, it can get worse and it could end up me shouting at someone, or lashing out. If someone shouts at me for a valid reason, it can get me very shaken up and confused.

This is one of the hardest things to manage, especially when I am not sure of the intentions, feelings, empathy for another person. I often get told that I'm being rude, or ignorant. So I can spiral out of control if the situation is provoked.

And because I ain't ready for the world, the world ain't ready for me.

Although, I often try to force myself to accept what I have in front of me is the truth, even if it's hard to believe. Often because due to mind-blindness, I can get confused in many social situations, and often feel a sense of confusion. Even if it's something minor, I find it hard to adjust. Any neurotypical would just let it pass. I'd just dwell on the same thing. And this is the exact situation that can lead me to bad situations where I can meltdown and feel very disorientated.

I have to learn to manage this, otherwise I am just driving people to the brink of extinction, metaphorically speaking.

 

[Arashi222]

Because of my NVLD or at least this is what the neuropsych said to me which I actually agree with I tend to freak out when people yell at me. I can't handle it. I start going into a meltdown of hysterics and crying uncontrollably and it can happen due to anyone who is yelling at me. I cannot tell tone of voice so sometimes it happens when I believe someone is yelling at me and they weren't maybe they were just using a tone of voice I found to me seemed like yelling.

 

[musicgurl0690]

I'm the same I tend to curl up into a ball and cry and stay quiet cuz I hate wen people yell or wen I get in trouble

 

[Keith]

On a sidenote, I actually forced myself into a major tantrum once when I was in my early teens. When I was a little kid my class had green, yellow, or red days depending on how you behaved that day. I almost always got "green" days (good behavior) with the occasional "yellow" days (a few problems). Compulsively, I actually forced myself to get a "red" day (bad behavior). It embarrassed my mom and she has never forgotten it.

I think the latter has to do with something of a "fitting in" desire, except that I was naive that day.

 

[Autism]

When I'm yelled at for doing something wrong, it upsets me to the point where I can just barely avoid violent retaliation. What ends up happening is I jump into my bed and cry, which is obviously a much better decision. However, even if I picture such a situation, such emotions arise despite nothing having happened.

Yes, that must be an Aspie thing. When someone raises their voice I get panicked, because it reminds me of the anger of my abusive father, the anger of my abusive ex, and the anger of stalkers when they do not get what they want.

 

[grapesicles]

I have this exact problem but can't train myself not to get upset!

Even if I think someone's mad at me, I'll be sad for the entire day. My dad has told me not to take it so personally, and I really try, but can't seem to teach myself not to - it's just an automatic reaction I can't do anything about.

Anyone had success in improving this reaction?

 

[King_Oni]

My dad has told me not to take it so personally, and I really try, but can't seem to teach myself not to - it's just an automatic reaction I can't do anything about.

If I'm being screamed at and I shouldn't take it personally, why should I even start listening then?

If someone is screaming at me for something I did, I will take it personally, since it's addressed to me as a person.

Instead of someone saying "don't take it personal" I think it's just as much, if not less effort to just not scream and find a better/nicer way to address it. Just because someone takes it personal and tells you about it (or someone assuming that you take it too personal for that matter), doesn't mean he/she is the only person that will take it personal. For what it's worth I think most people take it personal but don't dare to stand up.