• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Unhealthy Relationship Dynamics

He said he considered it his responsibility to take me down a peg.

I don’t understand why or how we get seriously into relationships in which the above is a statement we not only tolerate, we begin to believe in.

Been there, done that, more times than I can count.
 
Sadly, a lot of that was too relatable.
I also think this is a societal issue, the drive to be independent as a woman and be seen as an equal isn't always fully understood by some men, they still desire the dynamics of traditional relationships where men are decision makers and the head of the house. On the flip side, I think there are a lot of females that want this (independence) until they want to settle but feel compromised in having to play a role they fought from a young age to avoid.
 
Things you don't often hear people say:

-I broke up with my girlfriend
Oh, what happened, did she cheat on you?
-No, her book was published. And she keeps a private diary.
Oh my God! I'm so sorry, are you ok?
 
Last edited:
WhitewaterWoman said:
He said he considered it his responsibility to take me down a peg.

I don’t understand why or how we get seriously into relationships in which the above is a statement we not only tolerate, we begin to believe in.

Been there, done that, more times than I can count.
Click to expand...
I never had it said outright, but yes...it's crazy (in retrospect) some of what we put up with. And how this guy can say this while being into an author who seems very focused on emotions and relationships. I guess the gaslighters and manipulators are so good because they're constantly doing it to themselves.

Forest Cat said:
Things you don't often hear people say:

-I broke up with my girlfriend
Oh, what happened, did she cheat on you?
-No, her book was published. And she keeps a private diary.
Oh my God! I'm so sorry, are you ok?
Click to expand...
That really made me laugh out loud :) I had a girlfriend who didn't like that I kept a journal, either. God forbid. Yet, she was all about mental health.
 
Its sad to see this sort of thing happening everywhere. I simply can't understand why someone would feel threatened by their spouse's success.

Its very common where i live too.
 
This is why I don't do romantic relationships anymore. I spent the last 15 years trying to figure this stuff out and all it ever did was cause me a lot of pain and unnecessary suffering. I get lonely just like anyone else, but I'd rather be lonely because I'm actually alone rather than because the person I'm with doesn't understand me.
 
Sounds like he desires to control you, but since he couldn't get that, he broke it off. :( Look for something better.
 
Seems every relationship I have had ,has unhealthy dynamics.This one girl said she fell in love with me because I am a musician.5 years later she said I am leaving you because you are a musician. This really is confusing.
I provided her a house and car . So it wasn’t a financial thing .

All I know is I am happy and supportive to help a spouse be successful in anything they want .
Unfortunately the way I treat women seems to never be reciprocated back to me .
 
Moogwizard said:
Seems every relationship I have had ,has unhealthy dynamics.This one girl said she fell in love with me because I am a musician.5 years later she said I am leaving you because you are a musician. This really is confusing.
I provided her a house and car . So it wasn’t a financial thing .

All I know is I am happy and supportive to help a spouse be successful in anything they want .
Unfortunately the way I treat women seems to never be reciprocated back to me .
Click to expand...
That sounds very awful :( Those mixed messages can be the worst, especially with a breakup.

She did not know you are more than a musician...you are a wizard :)
 
Mr. Stevens said:
That sounds very awful :( Those mixed messages can be the worst, especially with a breakup.

She did not know you are more than a musician...you are a wizard :)
Click to expand...
You are right I should have kept being a musician a secret and have been open about being a Wizard !
 
foliodoe said:
This is why I don't do romantic relationships anymore. I spent the last 15 years trying to figure this stuff out and all it ever did was cause me a lot of pain and unnecessary suffering. I get lonely just like anyone else, but I'd rather be lonely because I'm actually alone rather than because the person I'm with doesn't understand me.
Click to expand...

I am like you.

Even when I try, the other person is always full of hurtful things to say… Even if they don’t mean to. Eventually, my oddities are highlighted as odd, in the bad way, and the things that once made me cute and eccentric become annoying. It’s too hard to be subjected to potential rejection day in and day out, and I have always been immersed in a world of confusion with a partner.
 
Rodafina said:
I am like you.

Even when I try, the other person is always full of hurtful things to say… Even if they don’t mean to. Eventually, my oddities are highlighted as odd, in the bad way, and the things that once made me cute and eccentric become annoying. It’s too hard to be subjected to potential rejection day in and day out, and I have always been immersed in a world of confusion with a partner.
Click to expand...
Yeah, it really has messed with my self-esteem over the years. I have started relationships begging the other person to be patient and kind to me forever - and they'll actually promise to do so. I know they're not being literal, but I'm a hopeless romantic (and more than a little naive... gullible... innocent... blah, blah blah) so I'll give them the benefit of the doubt pretty much no matter what.

Then when they start to get closer to me and really get to me, they outgrow me. That's how it feels, anyway. So I'm doing everything I can to figure out how to actually love myself as much or more than someone else. It's not easy! It's nice to know I'm not the only person who's going on this journey.
 
foliodoe said:
So I'm doing everything I can to figure out how to actually love myself as much or more than someone else. It's not easy!
Click to expand...

This is a great strategy, I think I am doing the same. For me, I am also learning how to respect myself and understanding that the trade-off for love at the cost of my sense of dignity and self-worth is not love at all.

My strategy is to invest as much as possible in the good friendships… As elusive as they are. Most of my connections I am finding on here.

My question to myself that I am constantly wrestling with is although I have felt the deepest kind of loneliness and although I have felt the whisper of love and how good it is, do I really want and could I ever actually manage a partner in life? I have been a lonewolf in my heart the whole time.

In my head there is an ever raging battle between the desire to be alone and truly finding it.

I think I noticed your new thread about solitude versus loneliness, so I think I should probably go check that out.
 
I've been the unhealthy one in a failing relationship many times, being a deadbeat, not being there for people, stuff like that. Honestly, all of my previous relationships up until my marriage ended because of me being a jerk and / or lazy, failing to communicate, failing to admit when I'm wrong and things like that.

Obviously, when I was ready to change, my luck changed, but it's an ongoing process. The universe is always watching
 
Mr. Stevens said:
Yes, I am. I love the series and Locke's story. :)
Click to expand...
I rotate my favourite series and rewatch them over and over .. I haven’t rewatched Lost in a LONG time ! Might be time to add it back to the roster. I couldn’t wrap my brain around everything the first time.. I’ve rewatched it 3 or 4 times and EVERYTIME I realize a new thing.
Curious what it is about Lockes story you like the most ?( only If you have the energy to share )
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom