Thinking about telling a girl I have feelings for her. Advise needed as it’s complicated.

[Wolfnox]

So yeah. I’ve decided to do it. But, our communication is really limited.
Firstly she has no idea. We only meet when I get haircuts.
She doesn’t like giving out her phone number because of “poor reception” that’s actually a factor in our area. Cell signals especially now can fall off without warning.
She prefers facebook or talking in person. She doesn’t respond to Facebook very often. But, will post photos.
So communication is very much an issue. Yes, I went Facebook for a time. But, currently don’t have an active profile. For two reasons. Can’t get my passwords to work and don’t see the point. Lot of fakeness on Facebook. She only responded once a month if that.
My purpose in posting this is to make certain I’m not forcing her into an awkward position. Or assuming she will like me in turn.

Also making sure she isn’t politely telling me not interested.

 

[Rodafina]

Do you have ideas on how you will comfortably convey your feelings to her?

Is there any option for finding ways to spend more time with her outside of the hair cutting time and get to know her a little bit better?

 

[kenaij]

Truthfully the only way to know is to ask. We can speculate all we want here. But there is only one person that can tell you if she is interested. Personally. With the frequency she has responded to you on facebook the thought hasn`t crossed her mind whether she likes you or not. Or atleast not in the same way you like her. YET!
Next time you see her you could just tell her you would really like to meet up outside of the haircut and if that is something she would like aswell. I don`t really think you have to mention you like her the way you do. If she says yes you could meet up somewhere and probably have a somewhat deeper talk, and get to know eachother better than you have done during your haircuts. It might turn out she is actually different from what you expect. Or it might turn out she is what you expect and she might feel the same way.
If you want to convey your feelings right away, if that feels right, you could also do that. But that might set her into panic mode because she might not have thought about you as a person she likes. Just wanting to meet up outside of your usual spot is a good small step to take.
All this is assuming the haircut meetups are not frequent and the conversations you had with her weren`t that deep.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

So yeah. I’ve decided to do it. But, our communication is really limited.
Firstly she has no idea. We only meet when I get haircuts.
She doesn’t like giving out her phone number because of “poor reception” that’s actually a factor in our area. Cell signals especially now can fall off without warning.
She prefers facebook or talking in person. She doesn’t respond to Facebook very often. But, will post photos.
So communication is very much an issue. Yes, I went Facebook for a time. But, currently don’t have an active profile. For two reasons. Can’t get my passwords to work and don’t see the point. Lot of fakeness on Facebook. She only responded once a month if that.
My purpose in posting this is to make certain I’m not forcing her into an awkward position. Or assuming she will like me in turn.

Also making sure she isn’t politely telling me not interested.

I would tell her in a very gentle, low-pressure way. Start out by telling her you value your professional relationship and respect her boundaries. You could say, "Maybe a lot of annoying guys do this to you, and I'm sorry if this breaks any rules you have for yourself [i.e. not dating customers]. I'm just curious if you're interested in a date, but want to keep our current relationship either way." Something like that.

 

[Tom]

What have you tried already? What info or communicating have you asked for?

 

[Judge]

Agreed. Deductive reasoning seems to reflect that simple, basic communication is likely your best chance.

Next time she cuts your hair, ask her if you could talk to her outside of work. I suspect she'll know where that is going, allowing for either an affirmative or negative response. Most importantly, on her terms rather than you as her client.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

The simplest thing to do is ask her for a date. Yes, that is being vulnerable and that is scary. Start out with a simple statement of fact. <her name>, you interest me and I would enjoy getting to know you better. Then ask her if you could meet somewhere conducive to conversation. Treat her. And if that happens, be certain to follow up.

Depending on the person, rejections need not sting . . . one suggested that I ask a women she said liked me. And, I did.

 

[Wolfnox]

Do you have ideas on how you will comfortably convey your feelings to her?

Is there any option for finding ways to spend more time with her outside of the hair cutting time and get to know her a little bit better?

Some ideas.

We both work all the time. Unsure about Sunday. But, most everyday of the week. Our hours don’t line up either.

 

[Wolfnox]

All this is assuming the haircut meetups are not frequent and the conversations you had with her weren`t that deep.

Once a month for haircut. Small conversation. Know a few things. Mostly threw Facebook.

 

[Wolfnox]

What have you tried already? What info or communicating have you asked for?

Politely asked for phone number to text funny videos about pets. Same answer go threw Facebook. Again cellphone service is pretty bad here so that’s the reason given. Problem is she rarely checks or responds. A response may come after a month.

 

[Wolfnox]

Agreed. Deductive reasoning seems to reflect that simple, basic communication is likely your best chance.

Next time she cuts your hair, ask her if you could talk to her outside of work. I suspect she'll know where that is going, allowing for either an affirmative or negative response. Most importantly, on her terms rather than you as her client.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I have made mention of meeting outside as a query. She is receptive to it. But, I have no reliable way to contact her. To confirm or remind of any meeting.
Or let here know I might not make it for some reason.
Or her let me know.

 

[Judge]

Politely asked for phone number to text funny videos about pets. Same answer go threw Facebook. Again cellphone service is pretty bad here so that’s the reason given. Problem is she rarely checks or responds. A response may come after a month.

Reading in between the lines that may be a rather standard response from her. It may not be personal, but she may not date clients. Pretty basic stuff in a number of work environments. Yet a polite way to turn someone down without being more blunt.

As I posted, if she agrees to talk away from work that should be a positive indicator.

 

[Judge]

I have made mention of meeting outside as a query. She is receptive to it. But, I have no reliable way to contact her. To confirm or remind of any meeting.

That's a start. Especially if she knows you're bound to show up again as her customer. Hopefully the next time you see her you can briefly try to make some kind of arrangement.

Though if there is any real pattern to her being yet again ambiguously unavailable, I'd take it as her diplomatic way of turning you down as a date, but not a regular customer. It's also possible that it's internal policy to handle customers in such a manner. Something to consider relative to customer relations.

Frankly in this day and age, IMO it shouldn't be so difficult to contact someone. Unless of course they don't really want to be found.

 

[Wolfnox]

Yet a polite way to turn someone down without being more blunt.

Yeah I’m thinking it’s more this.

As I posted, if she agrees to talk away from work that should be a positive indicator.

She was agreeable to the idea.

 

[Judge]

Yeah I’m thinking it’s more this.

She was agreeable to the idea.

Now try to follow through and get her to commit to at least talking away from work.

Then again if she balks with another excuse, that will probably be your cue to walk away. Otherwise it will give you a little more time to figure out what you want to tell her under more favorable circumstances on her terms.

If she is hesitant yet again, you might get her to play her hand by pointing out that it's ok if it's policy not to date customers. She may even be relieved. At least you'd know where you stand on it all. It may turn out to be much less complicated that you think.

 

[Wolfnox]

Now try to follow through and get her to commit to at least talking away from work.

Then again if she balks with another excuse, that will probably be your cue to walk away. Otherwise it will give you a little more time to figure out what you want to tell her under more favorable circumstances on her terms.

If she is hesitant yet again, you might get her to play her hand by pointing out that it's ok if it's policy not to date customers. She may even be relieved. At least you'd know where you stand on it all. It may turn out to be much less complicated that you think.

Well just to give you an idea. I’ve been going for a haircut there for years. She knows my family fairly well.
We have a pretty good acquaintance. But, I am not a good conversational person. She’s blunt which I appreciate.
Also she’s been in a relationship with another guy who had in “her” words a mental illness and who she tried to help. But, he ended up punching her. Again her words.
She didn’t tell anyone or at least that’s what she told us months after.
So there’s that. I left her be for a few years to allow her time and make sure about my feelings.

 

[Rodafina]

Proceed with confidence, authenticity, and hope! Why not? See what happens!

 

[Judge]

Well just to give you an idea. I’ve been going for a haircut there for years. She knows my family fairly well.
We have a pretty good acquaintance. But, I am not a good conversational person. She’s blunt which I appreciate.
Also she’s been in a relationship with another guy who had in “her” words a mental illness and who she tried to help. But, he ended up punching her. Again her words.
She didn’t tell anyone or at least that’s what she told us months after.
So there’s that. I left her be for a few years to allow her time and make sure about my feelings.

Wise decision to give her space and time under such circumstances. Speaks well of you.

 

[Wolfnox]

Wise decision to give her space and time under such circumstances. Speaks well of you.

She as I understand it. Hasn’t dated since. Seems happy on her own. Mostly stays home.
I do think it’s something I will have to watch for though. Never know when that trauma could come back.

 

[Judge]

She as I understand it. Hasn’t dated since. Seems happy on her own. Mostly stays home.
I do think it’s something I will have to watch for though. Never know when that trauma could come back.

True. She may have become "gunshy" socially speaking since those unfortunate experiences. Making your objective that much more difficult. I can see how that would be a "complication".