The Truth About Men Who Live Alone Without a Girlfriend.

[Jonn]

 

[Neonatal RRT]

The key thing here is the mental discipline component.

I am not sure if this is something that some people simply have, something that must be consciously mastered, and/or something that is part of one's upbringing from childhood. Growing up dependent upon others or perhaps as a result of "helicopter parents" constantly micromanaging everything in your life, if you are constantly needing validation, all of this undermines and deteriorates mental discipline and the ability to be happy and content living alone.

 

[Outdated]

To me it seems like he's reading someone else's script and has never lived it himself. He emotionally stresses the wrong parts of the wrong comments. It's a bit like hearing all about autism from an NT, many of the facts are there but true understanding is not.

One comment stood out to me though - "doesn't need external validation". For me at least that's the key to everything else. I never had any problems socialising but I don't need it. I don't need people constantly telling me I'm a good bloke and I have no irrational fear of people not liking me or not wanting to talk to me. I don't need a constant nurse maid.

If someone doesn't like me and doesn't want to talk to me then the feeling is usually quite mutual and I'm very happy with their choice.

I had an alcoholic neighbour who was desperately clingy and needed constant companionship, he was a nightmare to deal with during Covid. Knocking on my door 3 and 4 times a day desperate for companionship. In the end I got quite nasty with him but it didn't make any difference, he was so desperate for companionship that he simply ignored all insults and aggression and kept coming back for more. At one time I told him I was honestly scared that he was going to try sitting on my lap and sucking on a tít. I Am Not Your Mother!

 

[Masked Man]

The key thing here is the mental discipline component.

I am not sure if this is something that some people simply have, something that must be consciously mastered, and/or something that is part of one's upbringing from childhood. Growing up dependent upon others or perhaps as a result of "helicopter parents" constantly micromanaging everything in your life, if you are constantly needing validation, all of this undermines and deteriorates mental discipline and the ability to be happy and content living alone.

Yes, one of the things I have read that women often complain about is having to care for a grown man who cannot take care of themselves.

I personally can't imagine anything less sexy than an adult who needs to be taken care of.

 

[Jonn]

The key thing here is the mental discipline component.

In the context of social interactions:

I am a very rational person.
In this way, I am a poster-boy man for a male on the spectrum.

For example:
I would consider the positives and the negatives, and usually be directed by the winner.
If this is being disciplined, yes, I am.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Give men like me a break. We try that's why we become incel misanthrope's.

 

[Hypnalis]

Yes, one of the things I have read that women often complain about is having to care for a grown man who cannot take care of themselves.

But is it true, or is it e.g. people projecting the male behavior in 1970's single income households of the past onto a current-day dual-equal-income household?

Lately I've seen/heard references online to some interesting statistics on this: that in 2025 men do more housework than women.
I haven't seen a reference to the source, but it's not implausible if e.g. it covers ages 20-40.

It's been a very long time since I've seen a household IRL with any "helpless males" in it.

 

[Outdated]

It's been a very long time since I've seen a household IRL with any "helpless males" in it.

The Baby Boomers. Thankfully there's not many of them left any more.

When I was living in the bush the local pub used to make a lot of meals in plastic takeaway containers and freeze them to sell to the older single men in the community. I thought it was a good thing the pub was doing but the attitudes of those older men truly disgusted me. Living in a remote area where there are no shops and no real community support organisations and some of these old blokes couldn't even make themselves a sandwich or fix themselves some baked beans on toast.

Not all from that generation were like that. My grandfather also found that attitude quite offensive. "How can you expect a man to feed his wife and kids if he can't even feed himself?".

 

[thejuice]

contentment lies in self sufficiency, not luxury.

Thats why so many children of successful people are prone to discontent.

 

[Masked Man]

But is it true, or is it e.g. people projecting the male behavior in 1970's single income households of the past onto a current-day dual-equal-income household?

Lately I've seen/heard references online to some interesting statistics on this: that in 2025 men do more housework than women.
I haven't seen a reference to the source, but it's not implausible if e.g. it covers ages 20-40.

It's been a very long time since I've seen a household IRL with any "helpless males" in it.

I think this goes beyond financial capabilities, although my comment can also be interpreted as a financial one as well.

What I had in mind when I made my post was quite a number of the male patients my office will see. Many of these men have not been in for medical check-ups for literally years. They have overconfidence in their own health and are shocked to find out that they have high blood pressure, are significantly overweight, and are either diabetic or on their way there. And it's not uncommon that these same men are not compliant with their health regimen once diagnosed. It's their wives that have to make their appointments and almost literally drag them in for treatment. It's never a good look on the part of the guys.

And it's not just this aspect of male gender performance that is detrimental to their health: they don't acknowledge when they are depressed, having trouble with alcohol.. because they are fundamentally afraid to appear weak to anyone.

Obviously none of these performance aspects of gender help with health outcomes - males tend to die earlier from treatable conditions. And by refusing to take care of himself like an adult, he infantilizes himself and outsources the labor to women.

This is more of what I mean by women having to "mommy" their partner.

 

[Hypnalis]

I think this goes beyond financial capabilities, although my comment can also be interpreted as a financial one as well.

What I had in mind when I made my post was quite a number of the male patients my office will see. Many of these men have not been in for medical check-ups for literally years. They have overconfidence in their own health and are shocked to find out that they have high blood pressure, are significantly overweight, and are either diabetic or on their way there. And it's not uncommon that these same men are not compliant with their health regimen once diagnosed. It's their wives that have to make their appointments and almost literally drag them in for treatment. It's never a good look on the part of the guys.

And it's not just this aspect of male gender performance that is detrimental to their health: they don't acknowledge when they are depressed, having trouble with alcohol.. because they are fundamentally afraid to appear weak to anyone.

Obviously none of these performance aspects of gender help with health outcomes - males tend to die earlier from treatable conditions. And by refusing to take care of himself like an adult, he infantilizes himself and outsources the labor to women.

This is more of what I mean by women having to "mommy" their partner.

You're making a great case for not holding the 21st century position that men should be treated like defective women.

But nothing that supports your "helpless males" position.

What you're describing is typical of people who are, for one reason or another, not actively connected into any societal support systems. I've seen it (personal experience which I will not quantify) in minority populations where there are cultural, economic, and linguistic barriers/differences.

The victim blaming is routine of course, but that doesn't make it reasonable.

 

[Masked Man]

You're making a great case for not holding the 21st century position that men should be treated like defective women.

But nothing that supports your "helpless males" position.

What you're describing is typical of people who are, for one reason or another, not actively connected into any societal support systems. I've seen it (personal experience which I will not quantify) in minority populations where there are cultural, economic, and linguistic barriers/differences.

The victim blaming is routine of course, but that doesn't make it reasonable.

Okay.

Sorry once again, I don't have time and have no desire to engage in an argument with a stranger online.

Have a good one

 

[Jonn]

Give men like me a break. We try that's why we become incel misanthrope's.

Adapt.
I have.

 

[Jonn]

And by refusing to take care of himself like an adult, he infantilizes himself and outsources the labor to women.

Some men marry for this reason.
Pass.

 

[vergil96]

It is nice when the girlfriend does something for you, but expecting from the get go that the partner will either clean and cook for you or provide financially might be the wrong priority and you might end up with someone with whom you wouldn't otherwise want to be...

 

[Jonn]

It is nice when the girlfriend does something for you, but expecting from the get go that the partner will either clean and cook for you or provide financially might be the wrong priority and you might end up with someone with whom you wouldn't otherwise want to be...

I am in a companion relationship, ATM.
Reciprocity is important, yes.

 

[VictorR]

Lately I've seen/heard references online to some interesting statistics on this: that in 2025 men do more housework than women.
I haven't seen a reference to the source, but it's not implausible if e.g. it covers ages 20-40.

In Canada, men have definitely taken on more domestic work, particularly in couples where both partners are post secondary graduates.
The majority of domestic work continues to be performed by women, however.
Also, certain types of domestic work such as cleaning remain predominately done by women.

Lots of links available at

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/women-housework-division-labour-1.7426763

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/moms-alone-time-1.7198631

If I recall correctly, research in the UK indicated that while men have done more domestic work in recent decades, that they also tend to outsource what they consider to be women's work (e.g. cleaning by hiring a cleaner, and cooking by getting more take out / dining out) where finances permit rather than doing it themselves.

 

[Hypnalis]

It is nice when the girlfriend does something for you, but expecting from the get go that the partner will either clean and cook for you or provide financially might be the wrong priority and you might end up with someone with whom you wouldn't otherwise want to be...

True, but FYI, exactly the same debate has been ongoing continuously since the mid-Boomers reached early maturity.

This could be easily handled easily enough. It remains unresolved partly due to the modern manifestations of innate (evolved) behaviors, and partly because of one of the interesting (and telling) asymmetries in the war between the sexes.

Meanwhile (not due to your post of course), we seem to have switched from "Sigma males" (who are (**), by definition, fully capable of taking care of themselves) to "on aggregate, men are either incapable of taking care of themselves, or selfishly utilizing their patriarchal powers to ruthlessly exploit women for domestic labor".

Even for AF this is an unusually interesting detour
:
:
(**)
If they exist at all. Personally I'm skeptical, but I posted on that earlier in the thread).

 

[Hypnalis]

In Canada, men have definitely taken on more domestic work, particularly in couples where both partners are post secondary graduates.
The majority of domestic work continues to be performed by women, however.
Also, certain types of domestic work such as cleaning remain predominately done by women.

Lots of links available at

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/women-housework-division-labour-1.7426763

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/moms-alone-time-1.7198631

If I recall correctly, research in the UK indicated that while men have done more domestic work in recent decades, that they also tend to outsource what they consider to be women's work (e.g. cleaning by hiring a cleaner, and cooking by getting more take out / dining out) where finances permit rather than doing it themselves.

Thanks for the links. It will take a while to sort out the biases though.

e.g. that bar graph in the first article seems to be useless (arguably deliberately misleading) without some context.
Data that doesn't correct for every significant factor cannot be used to draw good conclusions.

For example it doesn't correct for the fact that (on aggregate) women choose men who are older, better established, earn more at the time they get together, etc.
Which is what it is: hypergamy seems to be an innate behavior, so it's not reasonable to complain about it (**), and it won't go away easily or soon, if ever.
But it has a huge effect on the best way to run an "economically typical" household (for example it makes tactical sense for the higher earner to work longer hours, and for the lower earner to do more necessary but unpaid work).
:
:
(**)
I know it's popular a popular topic online, and that both "sides" often interpret it incorrectly.
But it's real, and it affects people's behavior.

FWIW, if asked I'd vote in favor of a system that dealt with the (predictable and observed) negative long-term economic consequences for women of missing a significant amount of work experience. due to motherhood.
But IRL the population collapse looks like it will get us before that discussion ever occurs

 

[vergil96]

True, but FYI, exactly the same debate has been ongoing continuously since the mid-Boomers reached early maturity.

I'm not speaking about the average or outcomes but abiut the decision making process on the individual level.

And I think it's a tad immature to expect a girlfriend to pop up and cook for you. It's better to date someone you actually like and think about the cooking and cleaning later, it's not that important and doesn't have to be done perfectly. Someone smart and reasonable will always come up with a way to cope.

I didn't argue that people don't gravitate towards and enjoy gender roles colser to the traditional ones or that it's wrong. If they like it or prefer it this way - that's their life and it's fine.