The Misery Cycle

[Xinyta]

There is something that is becoming clearer to me, as I have tried to dig myself out of this black hole I am in. This will probably be obvious to most, but I feel the need to put my thoughts down on this.

There is a psychological game we play in our own heads. We, like anyone, can be prone to consider the negatives to nearly anything in life. Both NTs and NDs do this. But the line that divides this, is with how prone we NDs are to obsessing and catastrophising on things that, to others, don't matter. But in our heads, it matters quite a lot.

It doesn't matter what circumstance is. It leads all to a similar mentality that hurts us all. This mentally we collectively fall into, when we suffer from a lack of confidence and worth. I like to call it the 'Misery Cycle'. The name plays off what we know about how we mentally function. A tight scheduled cycle we must do everyday. It's part of out ND make-up.

The Misery Cycle is fed from our predesposed issue with how we deal with the world and socail constructs. Our self-esteem and self-confidence can be harmed greatly by it, because of our differences in how we see things comparatively. It can lead to feeling we all are familiar with. If left unchecked... well...

We have cases like me and other members who have ill perceptions of themselves.

- A lack of love and attention/understanding from parents.

- A aversion to socail interaction due to negative experiences in the past coloring thier world veiw.

- Finding love or a partner. Whether to stave away loneliness, or for a sought ideal of finding something more.

- Feeling unimportant and ignored.

I could go on, but the point has been made. It can form habits and masks that hurt the self in the end. The hallowness in not feeling wanted, loved, and generally cared for, can take a soul shattering toll. And it starts poisoning our outlook of everything.

I find my favorite word to use to down myself, is 'Failure'. I do this with the most menial of daily tasks. Not understanding the actual meaning of the word. Failure and making mistakes, are two different things. In my mind, that line doesn't exist. They are one and the same to me.

This is me saying, if you feel everything is going wrong. If it seems you cannot be happy, or feel you are in a infinite pit of despair. Take a moment and start considering what's going on. Seek professional help to start getting a grasp on it.

DO NOT let it go as long as it has for me, or others who have taken it farther. You will not find it easy to recover and pull yourself out.

If you have doubts about anything helping you. Ignore that notion. It's a lie. No one is too far gone.

 

[Raggamuffin]

I've been stuck in this cycle for time. Sobriety hasn't helped in that regard. It's made my loneliness and depression a lot more noticeable.

On my days off I go to the library to do my art. I see the same people going there each day. Everyone on their own. In their own little world. It reeks of loneliness, and neurodiversity too. Also, there's a stark contrast between us and the librarians, of which there are many for such a small library. Many of them seem like ND's, but as they know each other, they're very animated and social. It's quite a stark contrast - seemingly between the have's and have nots.

I'm debating if I'll still go to the library. Similarly I spend breaks at work in a cafe doing my art. But I'm feeling more and more lonely in a crowd.

On another note, I contacted my therapist today asking to restart sessions.

Ed

 

[Rodafina]

This is me saying, if you feel everything is going wrong. If it seems you cannot be happy, or feel you are in a infinite pit of despair. Take a moment and start considering what's going on. Seek professional help to start getting a grasp on it.

DO NOT let it go as long as it has for me, or others who have taken it farther. You will not find it easy to recover and pull yourself out.

If you have doubts about anything helping you. Ignore that notion. It's a lie. No one is too far gone.

This is breaking the cycle. ^ This is very important.

 

[andrew-notfunny]

This is exactly what I'm suffering from right now. It may sound simplistic to say that but this description is scarily accurate nevertheless.
The fact that I found a post which I have been expecting to find for so long, yet on this forum it just hit me without me even searching for it should be enough to prove to me that I am by far not alone with this. This kind of natural understanding means a lot, I want to make that clear. Even though this is an obviously not joyful topic I am still glad it isn't left unmentioned, unheard by me.
If this cycle and all is self-evident to others, fine, I am a newcomer here.
And I am seeking help, yes. So far the outside help just wasn't very helpful. (Not talking about the Forums.)
But I won't stop trying to get better. That is sort of unthinkable to me.
But great post and...
Thanks for the encouragement.