The Eye Contact Issue...

[jfk]

• I do that too and I'm usually fascinated by something they'd rather I didn't notice, like a hairy mole and then my face doesn't hide my thoughts well!

Ha, totally me too. I'm not very good at that. my expression usually totally gives it away, from staring even more intently at the object, with some expression of fascination /shock etc

 

[Nao]

Ha, totally me too. I'm not very good at that. my expression usually totally gives it away, from staring even more intently at the object, with some expression of fascination /shock etc

Or disgust!

 

[Lena_C]

When making eye contact, I feel like I can intensely sense ALL of the other person's inner suffering-- all at once. Overwhelming!
It feels dangerous-icky-freaky-intimate, like the other person has reached deeeep down inside of me,
...and is tickling my spleen.

However, my ability to manage eye contact varies with the situation.
Crowded room with sensory hoopla and excited, chatty, high-energy person: Very challenging.
At the hospital ER because something hurts me: No, anxiety prevents it. Gaze avoidance.
Spending quiet time with a calm, trusted, caring, kindhearted mate: Warm eye contact is likely.

In my case, the intense sense more likely happen on photos (e.g. people's selfie), not the person standing in front of me.
It also worsen my intimacy problem, once nearly cause me cut my wrist.

 

[justin_havu]

My version of eye contact is a quick half-second glance, then that's it. I can't stand having to stare into someone else's eyeballs--it makes me very uncomfortable.

 

[Warmheart]

For anyone not on the spectrum who may be reading our posts: Being uncomfortable with eye contact does not mean we don't desire a warm, caring, deep connection with the other person. It does not mean we lack interest, empathy, or that your feelings are not a priority. Autistic people can be every bit as kind, loving, even nurturing, expressing our care in whatever ways our neurology allows.

Plus, sometimes it just comes down to sensory overload and processing. We often can listen better to your words, if we avert our gaze and concentrate on what you are saying.

It must be confusing to read that we can be very interested in connecting and listening to you, but averting our gaze. There is no lack of interest, no deception, just some groovy neurology at work here.

When seeking a connection with us, be mindful that we are trying to connect, too. Look for us to share our passions with you, notice if we sit or stand nearby, and quite simply, if we are there with you at all, it means quite a bit.

 

[NtNoWay]

For anyone not on the spectrum who may be reading our posts: Being uncomfortable with eye contact does not mean we don't desire a warm, caring, deep connection with the other person. It does not mean we lack interest, empathy, or that your feelings are not a priority. Autistic people can be every bit as kind, loving, even nurturing, expressing our care in whatever ways our neurology allows.

Plus, sometimes it just comes down to sensory overload and processing. We often can listen better to your words, if we avert our gaze and concentrate on what you are saying.

It must be confusing to read that we can be very interested in connecting and listening to you, but averting our gaze. There is no lack of interest, no deception, just some groovy neurology at work here.

When seeking a connection with us, be mindful that we are trying to connect, too. Look for us to share our passions with you, notice if we sit or stand nearby, and quite simply, if we are there with you at all, it means quite a bit.

This wins the thread

 

[paloftoon]

. . .

One I wrote was E is for Eye-Contact. It was picked up by a media site in the US known as The Establshmnt. We worked together and fleshed it out a little.

. . . .

In some countries, it is actually not proper to give eye contact when speaking. I can't remember why. I believe there are Asian countries and maybe other countries where it's better not to give eye contact. Has something to do with having humility in the culture I think.

 

[Kari Suttle]

I've never had an issue with eye contact. I think this is because as a kid in elementary school they drilled it into everyone, so for me I was raised thinking that eye contact is required whether you like it or not, along the same vein as small talk really. I find it uncomfortable at work and have noticed at work I have trouble with it - but that's also partially due to the fact I'm a cashier and can't multitask scanning stuff and greeting a customer and maintain eye contact.