Sensitive Topic The Effect Of Foster Care and Adoption

[The Penguin]

For those giving up on their child to have someone else take care of him or her needs to consider the psychological effect on the child. I'm saying this as I'm one of those children that is deeply affected. Please consider before having a child as there enough children suffering in pain and may live with confusion for the rest of their lives!

 

[inabox]

Sorry to hear about your pain. It is this that I have tried to avoid. The problem I've had is that having aspergers I am seen to be an incapable parent straight away and had to fight to get my son back. I know it depends on where in the world you are and what period of time is referred to, but I know that now, in a part of the world that classes itself as a "developed" country, people are guilty til proven innocent and being an aspie I was considered weak and "an easy target". But as I have never harmed anyone in any way and there's nothing to say that would/ could, I found it very hard to change their mind as they had created this opinion out of thin air.
So I completely agree. There are some people who shouldn't have children. I know it causes the child a lot of problems and for me, I did not want my child to grow up thinking his parents didn't love him.
So you have a good point. And I'm sorry you had bad experiences.

 

[Suzanne]

Although I have never been in foster care or been adopted, I had no choice but to cut off any association with my "parents" due to their sheer lack of parenting skills, for want of a better word. There is a lot more to say, but this is not about me and thus, I won't go on!

3 of my siblings were put into care, 2 fostered and 1 adoption. The 2 who were fostered, had it rough. My sister was forced to live with this couple, whom she did not feel comfortable with, and on the day of her being placed with them, she was so frightened that she clung to me and all I could do, was watch in despair as they ie the social services, dragged her out of bed and her begging me to stop them, but as much as I tried, I was pushed aside. She was out of there within a week, due to him being a child molester. She herself, had been molested by our pedophile father!

My youngest sister was 7, when she went into foster care and around a year later, was adopted. I tried to gain contact with her, but when she was discovered, she has chosen to have nothing to do with me, although got social services to reassure me that she did not hold me responsible for her being in care, anymore. Her mother was allowed to write to her and blamed me for everything and thus, my sister refused to have anything to do with me, believing it was my fault.

My brother who was fostered out, was treated awfully and forced to stay with this other foster teen who was rather proud of his ability to share how he sexually abused children, he baby sat for!!!

So, I truly feel for you Penguin and probably why, I feel a connection with you, ie I feel that I must answer your questions!

To be honest, my husband cannot have children and now, since I have found out I am aspergic, I am relieved that I am not a mother. Oh and we tried to adopt, but where turned down, due to our faith.

There are many parents out there, that do not deserve this amazing miracle and it makes my heart cry when I read how they abuse their offspring.

I would not want to bring a child into this world, knowing that they could well suffer how I suffer!

 

[The Penguin]

Suzanne

It seems you relate to me in many ways. I ended ties with my father 5 years ago. I talk to my mother sometimes.

There some family members I'm not aloud to see due to events other members caused in the past. It not fair on me. I tried to connect during my adult life but they want nothing to do with me.

The most complex thing I need to deal with for the rest of my life than someone I dated got an abortion. I didn't agree with it and was willing to take care of the child.

One thing I wonder will I ever understand what a family is? I mean have the real experience. I don't want some to explain what it is because that is not going to make me have the experience. The only way I find I could understand is having my own family. Though I'm not having a family just for that purpose. I always liked kids and managed to get along with them well when I have babysit.

 

[inabox]

Suzanne

It seems you relate to me in many ways. I ended ties with my father 5 years ago. I talk to my mother sometimes.

There some family members I'm not aloud to see due to events other members caused in the past. It not fair on me. I tried to connect during my adult life but they want nothing to do with me.

The most complex thing I need to deal with for the rest of my life than someone I dated got an abortion. I didn't agree with it and was willing to take care of the child.

One thing I wonder will I ever understand what a family is? I mean have the real experience. I don't want some to explain what it is because that is not going to make me have the experience. The only way I find I could understand is having my own family. Though I'm not having a family just for that purpose. I always liked kids and managed to get along with them well when I have babysit.

Try not to worry yourself. Your time will come, maybe when you least expect it. Just don't give up, have an open mind, you never know what will happen and when. I wish you luck in having your own family

 

[AsheSkyler]

I've only met people raised by grandparents or aunts and uncles due to bad parents. I can't imagine what adoption or foster care does to a kid.

There is a guy I call an uncle, but he's not related to me, whose mother flat-out rejected him because her birth control surgery came undone. My grandparents pretty much took him in. Thus, uncle! And now they must look after him again because his wife has flipped her lid and divorced him over nothing, and pretty much made him homeless. Some guy's have truly horrible luck with women! I don't understand why, he's really funny, a hard worker, and a good guy.