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Taking my life back from anxiety.

Michael Balog

Michael Balog

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
This upcoming Saturday I am going to do something that I thought I would never ever do in my life even though I have thought about it and even picked out things I liked and wanted to get. I'm going to get my very first tattoo done this Saturday and part of me is anxious and scared another part is excited and ready to move on with making my own decisions and not letting fear and anxiety be in the driver's seat for the rest of my life.

This tattoo has been a very very long time coming, I made this appointment sometime back in April and to me this seemed like and eternity to wait til June 15th. The design is going to be a pocket watch that was my grandpa's and it's significant to me cause as a kid I would wind this watch up for him so he could listen to the ticking and fall asleep at night. I spent a lot of my childhood with my grandpa, he taught me so much in my life and help me to become the person that I am now.

Until just recently I have not been able to have very many emotions, sad being one of them, and didn't grieve any over the loss of my grandpa. Now that I have gotten help and medication to relieve a lot of my anxiety and worry, so much emotion has flooded back into my life and I decided this tattoo of the pocket watch would be the perfect start for taking things back into my control. I have been preparing myself for the placement and how this is going to be something that is permanent on my arm but I never have any thought into how it would look and the other day anxiety tried to grab the wheel again, sending me into a full meltdown over the design, but luckily I was on my way to therapy that night and I was able to calm down and process this meltdown so I did not cancel my tattoo appointment.

Saturday still feels like a long way off right now but it's going to go fast and it will be here in no time. I will definitely post some photos for everyone this weekend so stay tuned.
 
Good for you. More power to your elbow, as the saying goes.

Taking back control is a very liberating experience.
It's okay to be nervous :)
You feel yourself slipping before Saturday and want to put the whole thing off,

Try to remind yourself why you made the decision and took time to plan the perfect tribute to your grandpa.

Good luck :)
 
Hey, this is awesome! If this is your first tattoo, it's pretty part of the territory to freak out that you're getting an image put on your body forever. In my experience, though, once it's all done and finished, it takes hardly any time before you don't even notice the tattoo anymore, so there's nothing to worry about and it should be a great experience. Arm is a good placement too, it doesn't hurt very much!

Good luck with everything. Don't forget to post the pictures for us when it's done!
 
Michael Balog said:
This upcoming Saturday I am going to do something that I thought I would never ever do in my life even though I have thought about it and even picked out things I liked and wanted to get. I'm going to get my very first tattoo done this Saturday and part of me is anxious and scared another part is excited and ready to move on with making my own decisions and not letting fear and anxiety be in the driver's seat for the rest of my life.

This tattoo has been a very very long time coming, I made this appointment sometime back in April and to me this seemed like and eternity to wait til June 15th. The design is going to be a pocket watch that was my grandpa's and it's significant to me cause as a kid I would wind this watch up for him so he could listen to the ticking and fall asleep at night. I spent a lot of my childhood with my grandpa, he taught me so much in my life and help me to become the person that I am now.

Until just recently I have not been able to have very many emotions, sad being one of them, and didn't grieve any over the loss of my grandpa. Now that I have gotten help and medication to relieve a lot of my anxiety and worry, so much emotion has flooded back into my life and I decided this tattoo of the pocket watch would be the perfect start for taking things back into my control. I have been preparing myself for the placement and how this is going to be something that is permanent on my arm but I never have any thought into how it would look and the other day anxiety tried to grab the wheel again, sending me into a full meltdown over the design, but luckily I was on my way to therapy that night and I was able to calm down and process this meltdown so I did not cancel my tattoo appointment.

Saturday still feels like a long way off right now but it's going to go fast and it will be here in no time. I will definitely post some photos for everyone this weekend so stay tuned.
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That's so super cool! I like literally everything you wrote. Can't wait to hear how it goes! (I'm still dreaming of my first tattoo...probably in perpetuity)
 
I just got my line drawing from my tattoo artist. This is gonna be quite a Saturday. Things just got real for me.
image1.jpeg
 
Lately I have been feeling like I'm standing in a crowded room with lots of conversations going on around me but no one can hear or see me. I have tried screaming at them and waving my arms saying hey look over her I'm trying to talk to you, but to no avail. Sometimes I might get a small reaction but it's only for a fraction of a second, then they turn back and continue their original conversation.

Having autism makes it hard for me to join conversations or to get what's going on right at that second, cause once I do get it the conversation has been long over and I just don't bother trying to add anything at that point. I have an extremely hard time making friends and keeping them too, most of the friends I had move on and never look back. My wife has been saying I need to put myself out there more and try to find people to talk with but that's incredibly hard since I'm so awkward and full of anxiety. Everyone at my work says I'm such a nice guy but they don't know how much energy it takes from me to put on that persona for them. Lately I have decided to do things that are not like me at all, one of them being run for a spot in my work union, and i did get elected for the position and I'm excited to finally be part of something. I'm trying to start small and work my way up the ladder, I don't want to overwhelm myself and make me look dumb or worse, have a sensory meltdown.

I have changed my personality so much in the last few months but trying to get people in my life to notice me and my positive changes is tough. Trying to get someone to give you a second chance once you have a certain reputation is near impossible. Maybe once I get a bit better and not so scared I can convince everyone to listen for that tiny voice in the crowd and finally give it a chance to show them what's actually behind the voice.
 
Just be careful not to burn out. It's very exhausting trying to fit in.

Congrats on the union position! I'm very pro-unions, even though I don't think I've seen one alive and functioning since puberty.
 
Pinkie B said:
Congrats on the union position! I'm very pro-unions, even though I don't think I've seen one alive and functioning since puberty.
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Thanks! I’m hoping to make a positive change in my workplace and help get more of the younger people to be more involved in the union.
 
I bet that hurt like a monkey!!!!
I got a large, dark black crow on my back and by the end I was shaking and drenched in sweat!
 
Wow! How cool!

Wish I could've taken the needle for you. I'm waiting for a technology that lets me get the tattoo but someone else wear it.
 
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