Revolutionnaire
Dazed and Confused
Forgive me if this is a rambling post I'm not good at being succinct. I never know what's important information and what's simply extraneous detail. I also find it difficult to stay on track because every point I make feels like it needs deeper explanation, clarification and justification. Sort of like building a house, every part needs a supporting beam. <-- Perfect example.
I've been slowly abandoning my atheism, materialism and anti-theism over the last couple of years. I started out just trying to find a personal spirituality to help with my depression and anxiety but its grown into something more. I identify as a Christian although a very idiosyncratic one and I freak out when I'm made to feel like that's the end of my journey and I'm locked in for life. The freedom to roam, discover and explore is really important to me.
That said, my wife has also become a Christian and the family is taking baby steps into the world of church. I tried going but it went really badly from an Autistic perspective. The whole experience was very traumatizing in terms of noise, people, chat. etc I had a bit of a breakdown as a result and I'm only just recovering.
My fears and anxieties are too many to list but chief among them would be the fear that (as an impressionable and easily intimidated person) I get swept along, as does my family, only to become painfully aware of my mistake down the road when its difficult, messy and and painful to fix things. Church, like other ideological space, feels like somewhere that strong personalities win out. It scares me a lot.
The title of this thread 'Struggling with sharing' has a double meaning. I am both scared of sharing my worries with strangers because of past abuses of trust but also, I struggle to share my "faith" if you want to call it that, because it feels like placing the most delicate parts of myself in others hands.
Can anyone relate?
I've been slowly abandoning my atheism, materialism and anti-theism over the last couple of years. I started out just trying to find a personal spirituality to help with my depression and anxiety but its grown into something more. I identify as a Christian although a very idiosyncratic one and I freak out when I'm made to feel like that's the end of my journey and I'm locked in for life. The freedom to roam, discover and explore is really important to me.
That said, my wife has also become a Christian and the family is taking baby steps into the world of church. I tried going but it went really badly from an Autistic perspective. The whole experience was very traumatizing in terms of noise, people, chat. etc I had a bit of a breakdown as a result and I'm only just recovering.
My fears and anxieties are too many to list but chief among them would be the fear that (as an impressionable and easily intimidated person) I get swept along, as does my family, only to become painfully aware of my mistake down the road when its difficult, messy and and painful to fix things. Church, like other ideological space, feels like somewhere that strong personalities win out. It scares me a lot.
The title of this thread 'Struggling with sharing' has a double meaning. I am both scared of sharing my worries with strangers because of past abuses of trust but also, I struggle to share my "faith" if you want to call it that, because it feels like placing the most delicate parts of myself in others hands.
Can anyone relate?