Sometimes I worry about the future.

[Daydreamer]

Well, since my mind has rather annoyingly decided to start worrying at silly hours, I might as well share my concerns. I'm worried that I will never pass my Maths GCSE, and as a result my CV will be disregarded by employers. Then there's that voice that lingers at the back of my mind that tells me that I don't deserve my place at University.

I have tried all sorts of techniques to learn maths, but never found one that works. Abacuses, the multisensory method, bus stop...you name it, I have probably attempted it. Unfortunately, I have visual processing issues, and my short term memory can be somewhat flawed at times.

Essentially, there is nothing wrong with my physical eye sight, but it takes me longer than most to process abstract symbols such as; letters, numbers, and music notes. This delay has a significant impact on my life, and causes all sorts of bother.

It was quite jarring when I had tests done by an educational officer, that revealed that 99% of test takers did better than me when it came to visual processing. Whilst I was aware that it has been an issue for me from a young age, I never expected such a dramatic result.

The second educational officer I had (I've been evaluated for extra time in exams twice) put this down to anxiety, but I am almost certain that it is more than that.

I learnt to hide my issues with maths early on, I felt embarrassed at how bad I was... especially when we would have to read our test scores out to the class. Unfortunately, it became impossible to hide as time went on. I was working at the level of a four year old when I was ten. Used to hate myself for it.

Learning to tell the time, simple equations, counting quickly...things that were supposed to be easy were rather difficult for me. It would confuse teachers how such an otherwise promising child could struggle with those topics.

Now and then I would make leaps of progress, but not long after it would be as if my brain decided to select the "delete all" option. I remember making up a method that worked excellently for me, but then one day I just forgot it even though I had been practicing it a lot.

That's the best way to describe my mathematical ability. I make leaps and bounds, only to end up at square one as if I haven't accomplished anything. Being told by teachers that I probably just don't try hard enough was the most agitating thing. What they didn't see was the evenings I would spend at home crying, because I was so frustrated with myself that I couldn't do my homework, even though my parents spent numerous hours explaining the process behind the questions.

It wasn't due to laziness, I wanted to pass maths. Desperately. That's why I spent a significant amount of time revising for it. I have taken that freaking test three times now, still haven't passed. Now I have to pay a small fee if I want to take it again. The problem is, it can be hard to find people that take me seriously. Usually the response I get is "You can't have those problems though, since your spelling is too good". As if that automatically means that I am either making it up for the sake of it, or I just feel a bit anxious. To those people- where do you think that anxiety comes from? I feel anxious about maths because of my issues.

Certain maths teachers have mocked me before, and/or called me unteachable. Not exactly a confidence booster, haha. The worst case of this was when a maths teacher of mine decided to call me out in front of the class.

I had copied the equations from the board incorrectly (visual processing difficulties can lead to a difficulty with sequences, so the brain might take in information from what you see but not relay it in the correct order). Usually I double check my work because I copy down incorrectly fairly often, but she looked at my work before I had the chance to. Her response was to raise her voice asking me what this was and why I wasn't paying attention, she called me lazy and made me an example of what not to do (telling everyone that this is what happens when you don't pay attention).

Somewhat regret not giving her a piece of my mind, but I felt rather embarrassed having my mistakes shown to everyone.

Anyway, maybe it's possible to get work without the GCSE. Freelance gigs perhaps. Or maybe I'll finally pass it. Right now I feel as though I am unteachable though. Yes, I know- "You are with that attitude!" and all that. *Sigh* I can feel rather hopeless sometimes, but that's probably the late night/ early morning worrying talking.

 

[Fino]

Does everyone have late night/early morning worrying? That's a normal thing? I always thought of it as something I did!

It happens so often that I made it into a sorta joke/inspiration thing where I tell myself that I'm allowed to doubt myself every morning and every night but through the day I'll be too busy proving those doubts wrong to allow any of it in.

Sorry I don't have much to say specific to you! I think it's okay to feel doubt, anxiety, fear, etc. as long as it doesn't stop you. Which just means to not try to stop that mean voice so much, just let it ramble stupidly and do what you gotta do.

That probably wasn't anything new for you to hear..it's night-time so I have a lot of doubt right now!

Anyway, good luck! Your level of worry is an indication of impending success! Go, you!

 

[Progster]

Are you officially diagnosed with ASD or visual processing disorder? If so, are there any accommodations you could be given that might make a difference, such as being given extra time?

 

[Daydreamer]

Are you officially diagnosed with visual processing disorder? If so, are there any accommodations you could be given that might make a difference, such as being given extra time?

Nope. Currently my experience so far has been;

-Request help.

-Get referred a bunch of times.

-End up with someone that has no idea.

-"Sorry you're on your own".

It can seem more trouble than it's actually worth. What I would find amusing was that I'd often find people who would say "No problem, we can offer you support" but then when asked where I could go for such a diagnosis they'd add "Oh we don't know, and can't help you until you get one".

So essentially "Do in-depth research, find somewhere that will actually assess you (some only provide such tests for those fifteen and under) pay a rather large amount of money considering you're a student, and then maybe we will test for what you want us to test for (when searching for dyscalculia assessments, I managed to find places that will do it, but you have to do a dyslexia test first and then they'll allow you to have a dyscalculia assessment for extra money...and only if they find it appropriate).

Haven't found much for visual processing disorder screenings, just a bunch of websites that look promising until you click on them to find that those pages have been removed. My main concern is being pushed around the system and never getting to the tests I actually want, simply wasting my time, energy, and money.

"What about the University, will they fund it?" you may ask. No, they won't. I've tried that route, but since my course doesn't have a significant amount of maths in, they can't justify the spending costs. Haven't tried asking them if I can get a visual processing disorder test, but I have the feeling that the answer would probably be no. I'm rather sick of going in circles. At least I don't have any exams in my course, but I am hoping to pass my maths GCSE or equivalent one day (which is done independently for a small fee).

The university does offer tutoring in maths and English, which I thought was available to everyone, but on further inspection it turns out that you have to declare a learning difference first...but I suppose online tutorials or private tutoring are still options.

 

[Autistamatic]

What you describe does sound like Dyscalculia as you have indicated you already suspect. My understanding is that it manifests in a similar fashion to Dyslexia but affects number sequences and equations.
I've had similar difficulties myself over the years, though not identical. I seem to be able to get the right answer but find it difficult to express "the workings". It works OK in my head and I can get the answer right, but when I try to write my thought processes down as a sequence of steps my brain goes to mush. Consequently I tend to scrape through on maths tests of any sort - my answers are right but I can't demonstrate how I arrived at them. I've been accused of cheating or being lazy more than once.
Luckily I got a 'B' in my maths 'O' level but that was over 30 years ago.
Can you seek assessment for dyscalculia through any educational channels perhaps? or have you tried that already?
I'm another late night cogitator. I often do my best work in the small hours and also experience my worst of doubts. It's a double edged sword for certain

 

[Otenba]

Oh bless you. You sound like you have needed decent support. If you manage to get into uni, make sure to ask for help if it's too late for your current school. Schools can be a massive let down for people with special needs. I wish I knew of more helpful tips. It's good you have tried to seek help at school already. Sorry they have seriously let you down so far. Imagine it's because of something like lack of funding to support properly.

 

[Kyou Nukui]

I'm sure there's lots of jobs that don't involve a lot of maths, and i don't see how an employer can check the validity of anyone's GCSEs anyway.
I managed to get a C at GCSE maths because I did none of the coursework so I only had the A from the exam. I didn't and don't know why a maths GCSE would require coursework anyway, lol.
I have never been asked what my GCSE grades were.

If you can get a university level qualification then no one will be interested in your GCSE results. IMHO.
It is possible to find jobs through social connections, informal conversations, then whether you get offered employment has nothing to do with qualifications but the attitude you present and whether the boss takes a liking to you. If you can be super enthusiastic about the role and what you want to achieve, I think that can often count more than exam results. IMHO.

 

[Daydreamer]

Oh bless you. You sound like you have needed decent support. If you manage to get into uni, make sure to ask for help if it's too late for your current school. Schools can be a massive let down for people with special needs. I wish I knew of more helpful tips. It's good you have tried to seek help at school already. Sorry they have seriously let you down so far. Imagine it's because of something like lack of funding to support properly.

I'm already in University. First official year, although I completed a foundation course before this.

What you describe does sound like Dyscalculia as you have indicated you already suspect. My understanding is that it manifests in a similar fashion to Dyslexia but affects number sequences and equations.

This is also my understanding of the condition. Unfortunately, there are some that believe that the two always coexist, and whilst there is a high comorbidity among them, I think that they are separate conditions. Hence all the "but you can spell!" comments I've gotten over the years. People see that I'm good at English, so they disregard my issues.

I remember a conversation I had with an educational officer at school, I told her about my difficulties with maths and she told me that most people found that subject hard. That you're either good at English or maths (debatable) and that I shouldn't label it because it's just nerves. I'm quite used to that attitude, but there's just being bad at maths and then there's something that goes beyond that.

I've had similar difficulties myself over the years, though not identical. I seem to be able to get the right answer but find it difficult to express "the workings". It works OK in my head and I can get the answer right, but when I try to write my thought processes down as a sequence of steps my brain goes to mush. Consequently I tend to scrape through on maths tests of any sort - my answers are right but I can't demonstrate how I arrived at them. I've been accused of cheating or being lazy more than once.

Personally, I would write a lot of workings out. It was the only way I could keep track of where I was in the question, even when I wasn't meant to (such as these mental maths questions we had to do where we weren't supposed to do any workings out on the sheet) because I can't do it otherwise. This might seem odd, but let me try to explain.

Maths (particularly arithmetic) is made up of lots and lots of steps. As we learn, we discover shortcuts. If you've got two large numbers and you want to add them together, chances are you would cut each part into smaller equations, working out tiny sections before bringing it all together to work out the final result. Over time, you remember what these tiny sections resulted in, so you fly through that step without even thinking about it when you encounter similar questions again.

The brain is similar to how a computer functions, right? Well, think of these steps as sub-folders. When the brain reads these information files, it is mainly subconscious because such information has become second hand nature. Due to this, people may not even realise that they were working out these minor calculations because their conscious focus was on the main part of the question itself.

Whereas with my brain, it decides to delete these sub-folders randomly and so I have to spend time trying to recover all these lost files, then when that's finally done I can apply them to the question. During this time of trying to recover lost information, my brain struggles to keep track of what it is that it is doing. It has to rebuild those steps, so with parts that could be solved by most by adding two parts easily...it'll cut it into four. Then those four into another four and yeah...it gets confusing. I get so deep into subsections of subsections that I've no idea what I'm doing anymore. The most annoying part is if I'm two pages deep into workings out, only to end up with a ridiculous number that couldn't possibly be right, yet have no idea where I went wrong.

I can't really visualise numbers in my head. So if I'm imaging a tens/hundreds/thousands grid to work out an equation, I'll forget what the numbers are partway through and have to start again. That's why I almost always write my calculations down, because I seem to be incapable of mental maths.

Can you seek assessment for dyscalculia through any educational channels perhaps? or have you tried that already?

Well, the University refuses to get involved because I don't have enough maths on my course to justify funding my test. So if I want to be assessed, it seems as if the only way I could go is private. This can vary from £150 (that's quite cheap though, it usually starts at about £350) to £500 judging on what I've found so far. But I'm not sure if it's worth it or what other routes I could take. Seems fairly limited.

 

[oregano]

Are you in England? I too have dyscalculia, but mine is mostly a problem with abstract maths. I can do the add and subtract thing fine, but when it comes to solving for X in even the most basic algebra, I'm hopeless.

When I first enrolled in community college (I'm American) they tested me and said, yep you have dyscalculia, but we don't have a clue how to help you. This was in 1993 and virtually nothing was known about dyscalculia. So I struggled. I managed to pass basic algebra on like the 10th try, and I personally think that the prof felt sorry for me and gave me a C so I could get my degree. I never went on to the state university because I simply couldn't handle anything higher than basic algebra.

It seems to me that the people who work with the neurologically disabled in England think their patients are losers and fakers and should just shut up and fly right. This attitude is catching on in the States too unfortunately, the poor and disabled are widely hated and a popular movie series depicts death squads murdering the poor in a future America so as to free up resources for the "more deserving". I don't dispute that I'm a useless eater who should be dead, but the glee people feel in hearing about the death of a member of the underclasses is somewhat disconcerting.

 

[Daydreamer]

Does everyone have late night/early morning worrying? That's a normal thing? I always thought of it as something I did!

I think it's fairly common. Although I don't worry every night, just now and then.

Are you in England?

Yeah, I'm in England.

 

[Otenba]

Ah I see! Well done for getting into uni! It threw me because I didn't know universities ran GCSEs. Hope you get the results you want and/or need.

 

[Daydreamer]

Ah I see! Well done for getting into uni! It threw me because I didn't know universities ran GCSEs. Hope you get the results you want and/or need.

Well, not directly. There are online courses that can help you go over material, and the final exam would be taken in an exam centre as a private candidate, but universities can help you get a place at one. It's still possible to get a booking with an exam centre after you've finished university though. At least, that's my understanding of it.

 

[Otenba]

Well, not directly. There are online courses that can help you go over material, and the final exam would be taken in an exam centre as a private candidate, but universities can help you get a place at one. It's still possible to get a booking with an exam centre after you've finished university though. At least, that's my understanding of it.

I understand. Someone I know did their Japanese GCSE course through a private tutor, and then did their exam at a local school.