Something most spectrum parents deal with?

[DogzSpirit]

Bullies are not just children in a classroom. I ran into two of the worst ones, which were my teachers. I don't envy todays parents. It's harder than ever to protect your child from this type of assault.

Yes, Bullies become teachers, Medical providers, and yes Officers... They can be alongside of you in any job/any type of work. It's a prevalent defect of their childhood, a legacy that they are born into, the gift that keeps giving. They will pass it onto their children as well.

It's a dysfunction in many families, beyond repair so long as society does not address it. With all the tech out there, I am disappointed that I don't see an AI monitor in classrooms to pinpoint and report predatory behavior. Most of the school officials (who usually lack the skills or resources to deal with it) and parents (whom themselves are either bullies or married to the bully spouse) will not ever take it seriously, for to the parents at least, it is a normal part of their lives.

That said, I have experienced my share of bullies. Of course back then, they couldn't follow you home from school via social media, so my heart goes out to all the kids and parents dealing with this in today's tech world.

How did I deal with this, other than to try not to look outwardly frightened, and then when I sensed the temperature rise, navigate through a school door quickly to escape?

Oh, I did plenty of that! And I was so fr---kin fast, being skinny and petite, I flew like the wind.

Well, what really helped in addition to those chess moves I planned in advance, was my mom.

I literally had the best home life, if you didn't count in that we had lost my dad due to cancer.

She would explain to me how these kids were bullied at home, by someone, usually parent. Something was off in their mind to behave as such. I should pity them. I should distance myself from them, but never to the point of letting down a friend who may be in need.

And when all those talks between myself and her were done... She would surprise me yet again.

Here is a story I shall share.

Its a simple story.

I was in 4th grade.

My mom had witnessed these children of parents who embraced bullying. She actually witness a mother making up a name for me, so her child and her friends would have something to call me.

Later on that child that had been in hot pursuit, chased me home with her friends.

I had made it safely into our apartment. (whew) and snuck over to peak outside the venetian blinds, and sure enough they were there looking up.

A voice (my mom-who I thought was still at work) spoke up, and said What is this... and opened the blinds and told the kids, all of you upstairs right now, I know where each of you live, so you may as well come right up here.

I was mortified. I am sure I was shaking. Pure panic mode and frozen unable to even speak.

They filed into our apartment and stood in a line as she spoke to them. I couldn't even look at their faces. I just was glued to my mom, and her words, as she addressed my predators.

After a while I glanced over to them, just a bunch of shocked faces as she spoke to them.

She explained that they were certainly much better than this, how life works, and how something greater was inside of each of them.
She then closed the speech by asking them if they thought they could do better and if they were done chasing me.
They all nodded.
She then sat them down for homemade cake and milk. I could barely eat, but made a pretend show of enjoying the cake.
To this day I can only eat in the presence of those I actually like!

The chasing ended. Something had dampened their desire. What their parents and the school could not address, somehow my mother had.

The page turned and found me in my 20's with my children.
My son come home one day, from school about a bully.
I had a simpler solution. I am not as nice, nor did the opportunity present to speak to the bully.
All kids in the classroom were afraid of him. Teacher would leave the classroom unattended for
10 mins at a time, and another child would be victimized.
I told my son next time the teacher walks out and he has eyes on you, get him.
I said the other kids don't snitch on him and they won't snitch on you.
He came home, in a few days, bursting through the door...
Said to me I pulled him under the desk and beat him up.
All the kids watched and then he scurried back to his desk before the teacher returned.
My son felt quite satisfied with this. He kept reporting that anytime the teacher left he would stand up and look at the bully as a warning, no matter who that child looked at. No one was EVER picked on in that classroom again.

Shortly after, I witnessed neighborhood bullying of my son, and I took steps to empower him by signing him up for Taekwondo.

Within a month after starting classes, son's self esteem perked up.

About that time, I was talking with the neighborhood bully mom (lol) and her kid wanted to handcuff my child's hands behind his back. I told her and she laughed it off.

My son way too trusting, he allowed the kid to do so, and then the bully went to hit my son. Up came the foot, square in the bullies face, then the mother exclaimed look what your son did, he used karate on my son. I calmly said, I told you what he did with the handcuffs and then he went to hit my son while hands were behind back. What should he do.

Three different approaches.
Almost same outcome. All three bullies paused on future attacks.

Maybe the girls in the first group learned something? They probably remember my mothers pep talk to this day.
However,
Some of those girls tried to come at me again in High School but I had boys to protect me at that point lol.

Point being it's epidemic, it's not only a few people this happens to, it is a reflection of a sick society.
While we are learning about history, perhaps schools would benefit from lessons of compassion eh?
I would have loved to have been home schooled, shrugged.

Main lesson from this is you as a parent are your child's biggest inspiration.
You are their mentor, their friend, and their whole world.
No matter what is going on out there, with you, declared in no uncertain terms their team...
They will do more than survive this... They will win.

And yeah, until that win, I definitely recommend Martial Arts for those who are able to do that.
Even if it takes a private instructor.
I would have loved that, instead of ballet lessons!

 

[TBRS1]

I used to teach in a high school. I hate bullies so much you would not believe it. I did what I could, when I could, but support from above was spotty, at best, and your description of a certain type of parent is accurate.

I also was bullied as a child. I figured out that my body language indicated that I was an easy mark, so I spent years learning kick boxing.

That changed my body language enough that I stopped getting picked out.

The martial arts is an excellent idea. This is something I also recommend.

I do not recommend actually striking people though, except for defense.

 

[DogzSpirit]

Yeah @TBRS1 it certainly changes the you present. The teaching of Martial Arts. Really builds confidence in yourself and yes you do hold yourself with confidence. You also gain acceptance from other students who view you as part of them, without all the nut stuff of school in those classrooms. Lot's of encouragement from others.

They will move onto an easier mark. My second very quiet child, he turned out to be a protector of others, always looking for the ones others were 'eyeing' up. One day his teacher pulled me aside and said, 'Your son is always looking out for the underdog. He actually studies the class for them and builds up their self esteem' He was only in. 2nd grade at that point, but I had made him very aware that even if he were not on that receiving end of a bully, that he should always be there for those who were. Yes, he heard of my childhood and gosh he was impassioned about it.

It's kinda who I would've been lol... more fully than I was, had I been taught Martial Arts and not thought that a scuffle was life threatening lol. I was pure whimp... Everyone lined up behind me in size order... ha that didn't help!

 

[Judge]

Bullies who were teachers. A particularly difficult exposure to manage if at all.

I remember one of them well. Lucky for him I never ran into him as I got older.

 

[DogzSpirit]

Bullies who were teachers. A particularly difficult exposure to manage if at all.

I remember one of them well. Lucky for him I never ran into him as I got older.

The Martial Arts we spoke of is one of two area that should be incorporated into a childs life.
The other should be communication with their protector, their parent about everything.
Only then are they truly safe, and will have their team activated if a bully preys on them.

Yes, having a teacher be that bully, is very difficult. I saved a kid I babysat later (in my 20s) when mother dropped her off instead of taking her to school. She said I don't know what is wrong with Julie but I am letting her stay home. While babysitting julie spoke with her, and found out a nightmare of verbal abuse and threats were taking place, told her mother and she was removed from the classroom, put in another and the teacher was put under review.
I recognized the signs... Playing sick, looking super slaughtered silent.

For me the worst was one who noted my inability to speak much, in first grade no less, would make me stand at the front of the room while I read from a book (no one else had to), and that same teacher came up to me while taking a test whispering that I was going to be left back and there was no way I would pass the end of year test she claimed would decide that. It was a nightmare. I froze in the later case. Couldn't take the test at all. She started getting nervous when the tears started down my face.

Wish I had told my mom. Parents must always explain to their children that they should communicate about everything great good and bad.

 

[Judge]

It didn't help to later find out from other former students that this particular 6th grade teacher apparently made a point of choosing one student in every class to bully, just to impress the rest of the class.

Kind of reminded me of my fourth grade teacher who always imposed punishment on the entire class over something that a single student did.

 

[JayLapointe]

Never back down from a bully. It's what they want. Just play to your smarts and don't engage in a headon confrontation. If it's someone in a professional capacity you go to whatever professional board they answer to. Get them kicked out of the profession they weren't meant to be in.

If it's someone not in a professional capacity I've always found bullies respond well to a swift kick between the uprights. There are a few bullies from my school days I left in a moderate amount of discomfort. Who never bothered me again.

That all being said, I was lucky on the genetics front at 6' I was bigger than the bullies in my school so for the most part they left me alone. Being cowards, bullies only ever pick fights they think they are going to win.

 

[DogzSpirit]

It didn't help to later find out from other former students that this particular 6th grade teacher apparently made a point of choosing one student in every class to bully, just to impress the rest of the class.

Kind of reminded me of my fourth grade teacher who always imposed punishment on the entire class over something that a single student did.

Some like the power they have over others... It is why teaching appeals.
Sad to say.

 

[Judge]

Some like the power they have over others... It is why teaching appeals.
Sad to say.

Good point. Though that was something I specifically noticed in college, with certain criminal justice majors intending to be police officers. Can't say I ever thought about it regarding teachers, but in a sinister way it makes a great deal of sense. Especially with the presumption that kids won't likely hit back.

Though that's a dynamic that has evidently changed since I went to school, having witnessed corporal punishment from both teachers and principals.

 

[DogzSpirit]

Good point. Though that was something I specifically noticed in college, with certain criminal justice majors intending to be police officers. Can't say I ever thought about it regarding teachers, but in a sinister way it makes a great deal of sense. Especially with the presumption that kids won't likely hit back.

Though that's a dynamic that has evidently changed since I went to school, having witnessed corporal punishment from both teachers and principals.

And other kids look on and view it as normal... so very strange.

Sometimes the kids will join in on picking on the target child, along with the teacher.

It's all too disturbing.

 

[DogzSpirit]

Well, me being a bit obsessive with thoughts, had to look up AI Monitoring in Schools for aggressive behavior. Though, quite frankly it is often very under an AI radar, unless it is a full out fight/physical.
I never had a physical assault in school, but for one time in middle school where they cornered a friend and I in a small area that would have likely been missed by such surveillance.

Most in school bullying is quiet and verbal, sneaky like. No one would know it is happening if they just glanced at some kids together.

But that said here it goes... Some schools have AI at work for monitoring physical stuff:

AI-powered cameras are increasingly deployed in schools to detect bullying, fighting, and, in some cases, weapons in real-time, allowing for faster staff intervention and evidence gathering. These systems use video analytics in common areas to monitor for aggressive behavior, reducing unreported incidents and enhancing safety. However, this technology raises significant ethical concerns regarding student privacy, the potential for constant surveillance to create a tense environment, and the risks of misidentification.
Key Aspects of AI Surveillance in Schools:

• Active Monitoring: VOLT AI systems can analyze existing camera footage for signs of physical bullying, fights, or, in some cases, weapons.
• Rapid Response: AI can alert staff immediately to incidents in real-time, allowing for faster, proactive intervention compared to manual, retrospective review of footage.
• Evidence Collection: Cameras help identify perpetrators in bullying incidents, providing objective data for disciplinary actions and reducing reliance on hearsay.

 

[Forest Cat]

It's difficult, I had some problems when I was young. The worst thing is that you're always looking over your shoulder. You can never relax. I still remember that, very stressing. And I was very gullible, it was so easy to fool me and lie to me. I trusted people. Took a long time to drop that habbit. I was lucky though, things worked themselves out. I suddenly started growing a lot and when I was 15 I was 6′3″. That helped so much, suddenly I had less problems. So just really lucky, mother nature saved me. Thank you mother nature.

 

[DogzSpirit]

It's difficult, I had some problems when I was young. The worst thing is that you're always looking over your shoulder. You can never relax. I still remember that, very stressing. And I was very gullible, it was so easy to fool me and lie to me. I trusted people. Took a long time to drop that habbit. I was lucky though, things worked themselves out. I suddenly started growing a lot and when I was 15 I was 6′3″. That helped so much, suddenly I had less problems. So just really lucky, mother nature saved me. Thank you mother nature.

Yeah, you are constantly surveying the landscape for possible issues. nods

 

[Outdated]

Here as people became more autism aware they also started becoming more aware of the effects of bullying and more and more parents have been pulling their kids out of public schools and homeschooling them instead.

This has become so common that there's now well established social groups popping up everywhere to support this lifestyle and there's worries that these unregulated groups will be susceptible to issues if there's no legal framework in place to govern and support them. Even though the entire country can now see that there's a problem with the regular style of public education and bullies they're still not doing anything to rectify the problems.

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2026-01-23/homeschool-drop-off-groups-australia-regulation/106192824

 

[Poppy98]

Being cowards, bullies only ever pick fights they think they are going to win.

Yep

 

[DogzSpirit]

Interesting article @Outdated

We are our best protection for our children. Oh how I wish that my mother had been aware of the option to homeschool me. Survival became the focus. Had it not been that way, my levels across all sub jects would have placed me on a different path in life. As it was, my reading level was well above the top, but that was one of my sanctuary areas, reading (along with art).

Childhood Bullies. It's a societal problem. Borne of generations of dysfunction parenting, where emotional and/or physiclal abuse take place. Would be better to weed out the offenders than that of the targets. They should be placed in programs where they can get the counseling they require and intervention for removal from homes where they are suffering abuse. Anytime you see a bully, there is a high percentage that child is being abused at home in some shape or form.

 

[Outdated]

Would be better to weed out the offenders than that of the targets.

This is the only solution - I'm sorry but your child is no longer welcome here.

The trouble is though that many people simply can't see it and believe that sort of behaviour is perfectly normal and acceptable.

Thread 'Hierarchal Social Structures'

Jun 19, 2023

This is something I've struggled to put in to words for many years. I still don't think I have it quite right though and would appreciate feedback.

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Hierarchal Social Structures


Most people live with and require a hierarchal structure in their social groups. There will be a leader of the group, second rank, third rank, etc. right down to the lowliest and newest member of the group. Most people seem to be able to navigate these structures of hierarchy with ease and effortlessly place themselves in the correct rank without even realising that they are doing so.

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• Replies: 40
• Forum: Off Topic

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[DogzSpirit]

This is the only solution - I'm sorry but your child is no longer welcome here.

The trouble is though that many people simply can't see it and believe that sort of behaviour is perfectly normal and acceptable.

Thread 'Hierarchal Social Structures'

Jun 19, 2023

This is something I've struggled to put in to words for many years. I still don't think I have it quite right though and would appreciate feedback.

-----

Hierarchal Social Structures


Most people live with and require a hierarchal structure in their social groups. There will be a leader of the group, second rank, third rank, etc. right down to the lowliest and newest member of the group. Most people seem to be able to navigate these structures of hierarchy with ease and effortlessly place themselves in the correct rank without even realising that they are doing so.

Ref...

• Outdated
• Replies: 40
• Forum: Off Topic

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There are legal ramifications in suspending a child. Most schools don't document the abuse, but rather ignore a lot of it. So what appears to be a first offense, is actually a first reported offense. Unless they document each incident, they do not have enough to expel or suspend a child.

And... that is what is visible. Most bullying is done in a secretive way, out of the eyes of the teacher. Most kids viewing won't be snitches. They are afraid of the bully too.

Like i said, its a legacy of dysfunction passed down. They don't know any other way. Often even the spouse that is indoctrinated into being belittled or emotionally abused, either finds it normal due to their own upbringing or out of desperation, begins to view it as their life. So often that is the source. Sometimes you lucky and the parents are truly appalled, not not that often. Even then many don't realize that because they are so 'forceful at home' (harsh with their words and put downs) that they have created this bully.

 

[DogzSpirit]

My children were educated as to this aspect of life. It was in an informational manner, with an emphasis on compassion is due for everyone, so if you see someone ever behaving in a cruel way, please share that with me. I will make it right.

They were prepared and aware of what could happen and the need to report in and consult me. It's so important to have an open line of communication with your child, otherwise you will find out long after the fact.

 

[Outdated]

Like i said, its a legacy of dysfunction passed down. They don't know any other way. Often even the spouse that is indoctrinated into being belittled or emotionally abused, either finds it normal due to their own upbringing or out of desperation, begins to view it as their life. So often that is the source. Sometimes you lucky and the parents are truly appalled, not not that often. Even then many don't realize that because they are so 'forceful at home' (harsh with their words and put downs) that they have created this bully.

My father was an emotional bully and a control freak so I copped it at home as much as I did at school. My sister and I were both just too strong willed and obstinate and he never had any real control over us. He hated both of us but our younger brother turned in to a carbon copy of him. So yes, I've seen what you're talking about first hand.

The real problem though is that many people don't "see" bullying, all they see is what they understand as the regular assertion of a pecking order. To many people this is their understanding of how the world should work. They even quantify it using terms like Alpha Male.