Since, I was practically ignored on Reddit, I will post this here:
I am a 2nd year student at a University in the UK. I have no friends at all, at University. I have a diagnosis of Aspergers, which obviously has a big part to play in this. (Though please don’t focus on this, entirely as it is mild.).
I want to try and change this or at least improve my social experience into the future.
I will outline what I do, at university socially and what issues I have:
I go to class, sit down (usually alone), no one speaks to me, says hello. Nada. I then leave, go home and that’s it, really.
Very few students in my classes made any attempts to introduce themselves to me, at any point thoughout the two years that we have shared classes. Not even a “hi”. The cohort in general is very reserved, even when we do lab work; students only say the bare minimum to get the work done - no conversations. (I am in Southern England so maybe that is a factor).
At the start, in 1st year, I did try to speak to people but usually got short answers and/or dirty looks, and they’d sometimes get up and move. (“oh this is hard isn’t it? Do you know how to do quesion 1, I am struggling” or “what do you think of the course ... is interesting?” ) Part of me thinks this is Southern English culture playing here, I am not from SE not really sure how to deal with it.
I do have some people from my courses on FB. I message them about the work, ask them how they find the course etc. They answer me, but they never, ever iniate contact with me, and we do not speak to each other in public. A couple of these people do the same degree as me, they sit in a little clique and don’t ever attempt to recognise me, never mind be inclusive. I hope they don’t have any ill intentions. Their behavior from my point of view is confusing - I do not know why they all hang out with each other and never, ever include me, considering we all do the same degree programme and they did not know each other or myself before starting the program (there are only 10 people). I am thinking they don’t like me and/or talk behind my back.
I know that I am contributing to this myself, by not being outwardly friendly, but I do find it bizarre that I go days without anyone speaking to me despite going to class and/or no single person tried to find out who I was.
I dress well and have impeccable hygiene so that is not an issue.
I am not awkward or rude to people, intentionally. I do try to compromise and make an effort with people if possible. I listen to what others have to say when in conversation.
I seem to be the sort of person that just draws people away and I do not know why. My condition is not obvious, no one speaks to me, so they do not get an opportunity to even consider that I have social issues.
I am starting to become insecure and wreck my head over this. I am asking myself if I am rude or if there is something off putting about me. I am wondering if the year group is talking behind my back now and that I am someone that everyone avoids.
As someone who isn’t drop dead gorgeous and who isn’t popular, what can I do to improve my social situation at University with the complete indifference that the cohort have towards me?
I am a 2nd year student at a University in the UK. I have no friends at all, at University. I have a diagnosis of Aspergers, which obviously has a big part to play in this. (Though please don’t focus on this, entirely as it is mild.).
I want to try and change this or at least improve my social experience into the future.
I will outline what I do, at university socially and what issues I have:
- I participate in two societies. I have tried to connect with a few people from those groups and it all went pear shaped. The longest acquaintanceship was a few months, but this dragged its legs as this person only met out of pity. (He didn’t interact with me on FB, despite doing so with others, didn’t iniate meet ups, we’d go weeks and he’d not bother with me) The other members also often go off out on nights out etc without inviting me, so i’m not sure what is going on there; at a minimum they are obviously indifferent to me. I have explained that I am isolated and the response is “oh that is awful”, but nothing changes. (I don’t think they are fussed on me)
- I go to the gym nearly every night, it lifts my mood.
- I make frequent trips home, every three weeks.
- Take daytrips to London and Cambridge.
I go to class, sit down (usually alone), no one speaks to me, says hello. Nada. I then leave, go home and that’s it, really.
Very few students in my classes made any attempts to introduce themselves to me, at any point thoughout the two years that we have shared classes. Not even a “hi”. The cohort in general is very reserved, even when we do lab work; students only say the bare minimum to get the work done - no conversations. (I am in Southern England so maybe that is a factor).
At the start, in 1st year, I did try to speak to people but usually got short answers and/or dirty looks, and they’d sometimes get up and move. (“oh this is hard isn’t it? Do you know how to do quesion 1, I am struggling” or “what do you think of the course ... is interesting?” ) Part of me thinks this is Southern English culture playing here, I am not from SE not really sure how to deal with it.
I do have some people from my courses on FB. I message them about the work, ask them how they find the course etc. They answer me, but they never, ever iniate contact with me, and we do not speak to each other in public. A couple of these people do the same degree as me, they sit in a little clique and don’t ever attempt to recognise me, never mind be inclusive. I hope they don’t have any ill intentions. Their behavior from my point of view is confusing - I do not know why they all hang out with each other and never, ever include me, considering we all do the same degree programme and they did not know each other or myself before starting the program (there are only 10 people). I am thinking they don’t like me and/or talk behind my back.
I know that I am contributing to this myself, by not being outwardly friendly, but I do find it bizarre that I go days without anyone speaking to me despite going to class and/or no single person tried to find out who I was.
I dress well and have impeccable hygiene so that is not an issue.
I am not awkward or rude to people, intentionally. I do try to compromise and make an effort with people if possible. I listen to what others have to say when in conversation.
I seem to be the sort of person that just draws people away and I do not know why. My condition is not obvious, no one speaks to me, so they do not get an opportunity to even consider that I have social issues.
I am starting to become insecure and wreck my head over this. I am asking myself if I am rude or if there is something off putting about me. I am wondering if the year group is talking behind my back now and that I am someone that everyone avoids.
As someone who isn’t drop dead gorgeous and who isn’t popular, what can I do to improve my social situation at University with the complete indifference that the cohort have towards me?