Years ago I dated an aspie guy and was madly in love with him. I broke things off because I didn't think he felt the same way about me, but due to a bunch of factors our relationship ended rather ambiguously but somehow also amicably. We are still good friends. I did not know then that he was on the spectrum, but now I know he was/is, though we have never talked about it. I realize now in hindsight that I likely hurt him on multiple occasions due to my complete ignorance and failure to realize he just doesn't/can't communicate like I do. I remember thinking to myself all the time "It's not my fault you/he can't communicate like a normal person!" Now I feel awful because he could not, in fact, communicate like NTs would expect. I have no idea if I ever actually said this to him or not, but I certainly had that thought on a near daily basis. I failed to see what might have been obvious to me had I been better informed.
My question is--would it be weird to apologize? I don't know if he knows he has AS, so I don't want to use any labels, but I want to tell him something like "I know more about you now than I did then, and if I had known, I would have made different choices" or that "I now know more about the way you communicate, and I'm sorry I didn't see that back then. If I had known I would have tried to be more patient and understanding."
I'm not sure if he would even know what I'm talking about, since I'm not sure whether he knows.
What do you think? If you are on the spectrum would you welcome this kind of thing from an old friend, or would you think this was ridiculous and weird?
My question is--would it be weird to apologize? I don't know if he knows he has AS, so I don't want to use any labels, but I want to tell him something like "I know more about you now than I did then, and if I had known, I would have made different choices" or that "I now know more about the way you communicate, and I'm sorry I didn't see that back then. If I had known I would have tried to be more patient and understanding."
I'm not sure if he would even know what I'm talking about, since I'm not sure whether he knows.
What do you think? If you are on the spectrum would you welcome this kind of thing from an old friend, or would you think this was ridiculous and weird?