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Share good puns and jokes.

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Metalhead said:
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I want to put down a doormat with a note on the wall saying “Don’t waste your time. There’s no key under the mat,” and underneath the mat is another note that says “I told you there was no key. Why don’t you listen to instructions?” I bet that’d confuse would be burglars and I get the last laugh because I subverted the expectation of leaving a key underneath a doormat.
 
Captain Jigglypuff said:
I want to put down a doormat with a note on the wall saying “Don’t waste your time. There’s no key under the mat,” and underneath the mat is another note that says “I told you there was no key. Why don’t you listen to instructions?” I bet that’d confuse would be burglars and I get the last laugh because I subverted the expectation of leaving a key underneath a doormat.
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Leave the wrong key.
 
Captain Jigglypuff said:
I want to put down a doormat with a note on the wall saying “Don’t waste your time. There’s no key under the mat,” and underneath the mat is another note that says “I told you there was no key. Why don’t you listen to instructions?” I bet that’d confuse would be burglars and I get the last laugh because I subverted the expectation of leaving a key underneath a doormat.
Click to expand...
full
Leave the key behind the first note...
 
Paddy and Mick were going on a long road trip on a really hot day. Paddy was driving. But it was so hot that Paddy got thirsty, so they stopped off at a cafe. Paddy ordered a cake.
"How come you haven't ordered a drink? I thought you said you were thirsty?" asked Mick.
"I am," said Paddy, "but you know the law, it's illegal to drink and drive."
 
Paddy came into the hardware store with a number 6 and said to the clerk, "my friend, Mick, bought me this but I'll have to return it."
"What's wrong with it?" asked the clerk.
"Well," explained Paddy, "I live at number 9."
 
Paddy saw the grim reaper. "Why are you here?" he asked, nervously.
"I'm death," replied the grim reaper.
"Sorry, WHY ARE YOU HERE?"
 
Paddy had opened up a store. He put a sign up saying "DO NOT STEAL".
"Why do you have a sign like that?" asked Mick.
"Because I haven't got the security cameras and alarms fixed up yet," replied Paddy.
 
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