I have a serious situation. I am soon to aquire a new apartment and I have not a single girl to share it with. I was wondering am i the only one who gets paranoid when they are alone. With no one to understand you or be there when you are down. I overheard my parents when i told them i would be moving out that they would be so happy that i would be out of their hair and no longer be a burden. I feel my world darkening my happiness has disappeared, and my confidence is gone. I am seriously thinking i will not last long out in the hostile world that we call ours. i show an ounce of kindness and it will get spat on and thrown back at me. Once i move out im dead.
Sounds like my parents a bit. My parents though told me things directly and more harshly though. My Dad threatened my brother and I to get out of the home at age eighteen, and saying we had two other choices too: get a job or join the military. So, I got out and went to college instead.
Was I ready for life on my own, in an apartment, and ready for college? Heck no. I could not talk more than a few words do to severe introversion and parental wrongs, and I had severe social phobia and anxiety as a result. I feared everyone. I feared what would happen next. I was throwing up a few times of my day, my first college year, and I did not know how I could survive.
The one good thing was I had a car and knew how to drive. Also, as my parents were driving me insane for eighteen years, I needed that freedom. I tried to think positively. I could make my own decisions now, eventually heal a bit from my parents, and try to make a totally new life that was happy. I knew it would not happen overnight, and there would be struggles, but I had some hope.
Life is about learning from our mistakes, and I feel that makes us stronger and wiser persons. So strong I eventually became, that I did not need anyone for the next twenty years with me. I focused on enjoying life alone nevertheless, and finding ways to make me more functional. I did focus on finding pleasure in the little things, like quiet walks at night, choosing my own favorite foods to eat, watching sports programming, having a good nights sleep every night without parental fighting, and so on.
And I used that time to focus on improving myself through self-help things. Also, I also started communicating to persons online throughout those years, and making internet friends, as still most of those years I was not ready for much more. But, I felt less alone, writing to others. Eventually, several of the friends I met, and some I dated. Although those dating experiences did not work out, I learned lots, and began looking for those that shared more my interests, and would complement me in terms of personality and could love me.
Once I loved myself, and had healthy self-esteem from my own efforts and some successes at college and university, and knew more who I was, what made me happy in life, and how I defined success, then I noticed lots more gravitating to me. Then I felt more ready to really meet people, just to get to know them more, and not with intention to date. Then I met the woman for me, and I have been married for eleven years now, and with two great kids. Time has gone by too fast those years, but we have been having a great time.
But, truth is, every person will be different. I do not know your abilities, stress tolerance levels, limitations and dreams. I cannot say you should do things the way I did, as what works for me will not work for everyone else, and what works for them will not necessarily work for me. Sometimes, the only way to know is to get out there and try. If things get too scary or impossible, there is tons of help out there. Try to be prepared and make plans, and find some positive support system is the best I can say. Try to focus more on the good than the bad.
Each day you survive see as a success, but create your own daily small successes, too. Focus on your efforts, more than immediate results. And soon you too could find that happiness.
