Selective mutism: help please

[velociraptor]

come across as introvert

I'm often laconic to the point of making people uncomfortable. I just know that I can't insert a foot into a mouth that is not open.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Once I get in a group where I am comfortable, become the centre of attention, like to chat about almost anything. Do not take fools lightly.

 

[vergil96]

Hm well I see that too, but it just ads to the whole "this person is saying and feeling likethis" picture. It's all the info helping me to communicate better with a person, that's why I hate phone calls - can't see a person, can't know when to talk etc.

I relate generally speaking, but for me a glimpse every now and then and in key moments is enough, and the usual intensity of eye contact is "too much of a good thing" for me if that makes sense. It becomes tiring in a too large amount and my tolerance and need for that is lower.

I'm not the type of autistic who loses track if the nonverbal signals are inconsistent or just who are monotaskers to this extent. But looking and listening is often too much for me to be doing at the same time, it's tiring, too intense. The feeling is like listeining to cool, but loud music for too long.

 

[Tired]

I relate generally speaking, but for me a glimpse every now and then and in key moments is enough, and the usual intensity of eye contact is "too much of a good thing" for me if that makes sense. It becomes tiring in a too large amount and my tolerance and need for that is lower.

I'm not the type of autistic who loses track if the nonverbal signals are inconsistent or just who are monotaskers to this extent. But looking and listening is often too much for me to be doing at the same time, it's tiring, too intense. The feeling is like listeining to cool, but loud music for too long.

Ooohh I see, great example. Thank you!

 

[TouhouFan28]

How I mask, when among people I do not know well, come across as introvert.

Right? I'm an awful masker so when I do have to talk to people I just sound like either a robot with programmed voicelines or that coworker-meeting voice. It cringes me out!

 

[TouhouFan28]

1. really pleased to hear this. you have a preferred communication style then. if it flowed naturally then maybe it's is not so much not knowing what to say, maybe more processing stuff thrown at you whilst in company?

2. they are probably more curious in you than expecting you to be curious about them? if they're not they probably value your silence as someone to talk at. your example sounds like typical small talk exchange to me. small talk is hard!

3. I hate it when people respond for me because they rarely say what I actually want to say exactly how I would say it. It just complicates communication difficulties further for me. I think they do it out their own discomfort with silence, that's a them problem not you.

you mentioned behind a screen and I'm wondering if part of the problem is the stress of environment and peopling? Apparently I communicate better when driving or walking ie. side by side. could you do an experiment to see if the problem is the same if you're both looking in the same direction not at each other?

also have you ever tried to have an in person text conversation? my partner discovered I text better than I talk so if I start to shut down we just continue the conversation via text. it slows the conversation down and takes away the pressure. it's a lot less frustrating for both of us! there's still some facial expressions exchanged but they're not mixed in with the words.

Possibly. You mentioned something about talking while walking and honestly that sounds genius. I should definitely incorporate that somehow. Same thing with the shutting down and just resorting to texting. You got some good ideas truly.

 

[TouhouFan28]

I think most of us have this weak "social battery".
We get overwhelmed very easily, and most of us seem to need alone time to recover, including me.

I honestly am a little insecure about it. After like a hangout or party I need like a week of alone time to feel relaxed enough to hang out again. Sigh... Idk how people do it really

 

[TouhouFan28]

I can, mostly. It is so draining. Why is it almost physically painful? And distracting. I notice too many things and it derails my train of thought.

Agreed with the draining part. For me it's not physically painful but it is so uncomfortable. It makes me cringe.