Selective mutism: help please

[TouhouFan28]

I have selective mutism. I just cannot hold conversations properly, talk to people properly, or talk in general. Sometimes it doesn't bother me, and I'm okay with being by myself; but I feel a little guilty that I'm being rude. I wouldn't announce my arrival, I would decline food offered to guests at gatherings, I wouldn't say goodbye before leaving, my greetings are usually very short, I would often times just nod, shake my head, or talk using a single word or expression. (Oohh, yes, no, okay are the most common). Even at my big age, when my parents are around, they would usually speak for me.

Here's a sort of conversation I had a few days ago:
"Heyy Touhoufan28, nice to see you!"
"Thanks"
"What role are you doing for the play?"
"The spotlight"
"Important role huh?"
*nods*

Sigh. Socializing has always been a huge obstacle for me. Not only can I not maintain eye contact, I avoid being physically close, I talk really softly and I'm always short-spoken. I remember studying and mentally taking note of charismatic people. I've tried "putting myself out there" by volunteering at theatres but I've just reverted back to the same habit of avoiding every social situation. I feel like if I tried something new, nothing will change. So I need some advice. Sometimes' I wish that everybody in society was assigned friends but that would be weird LOL!

 

[monkeyclogs]

that sounds quite isolating, I'm sorry it's troubling you. I definitely don't think you need to feel guilty for "being rude" it doesn't sound to me like you are.

True to form, I have questions before I respond

it's interesting that your post is eloquently written and I'm wondering if written communication feels easier for you than spoken? did it take you a long time to draft your post or did it flow naturally like other people speak?

when you say that you give one word answers is that because that covers everything that you feel needs to be said at that time?

when you let people speak for you is that a relief or frustrating? does it feel like they are accurately saying what you would say if you were speaking for yourself?

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I have selective mutism. I just cannot hold conversations properly, talk to people properly, or talk in general. Sometimes it doesn't bother me, and I'm okay with being by myself; but I feel a little guilty that I'm being rude. I wouldn't announce my arrival, I would decline food offered to guests at gatherings, I wouldn't say goodbye before leaving, my greetings are usually very short, I would often times just nod, shake my head, or talk using a single word or expression. (Oohh, yes, no, okay are the most common). Even at my big age, when my parents are around, they would usually speak for me.

Here's a sort of conversation I had a few days ago:
"Heyy Touhoufan28, nice to see you!"
"Thanks"
"What role are you doing for the play?"
"The spotlight"
"Important role huh?"
*nods*

Sigh. Socializing has always been a huge obstacle for me. Not only can I not maintain eye contact, I avoid being physically close, I talk really softly and I'm always short-spoken. I remember studying and mentally taking note of charismatic people. I've tried "putting myself out there" by volunteering at theatres but I've just reverted back to the same habit of avoiding every social situation. I feel like if I tried something new, nothing will change. So I need some advice. Sometimes' I wish that everybody in society was assigned friends but that would be weird LOL!

I have run across a handful of people like this as a university instructor and clinical mentor at the hospital... mentally very intelligent, have got the grades, but this is "healthcare" and you simply cannot be this withdrawn... so they never make it through their respective therapist, nursing, or medical programs. It's a rough go at life because opportunities come and go... and if you aren't willing or able to grab those opportunities, life passes you by. It is also frustrating for other people around you that are trying to pull you out of your shell, trying to get you to share information, trying to get you to express some interest.

I am sure there are plenty of reasons why individuals find themselves in this situation from a psychological and psychiatric perspective (symptoms)... but my scientific side is always looking at causes. What laid down and reinforced those neural pathways? From a neuro-anatomical perspective, that's what it really is... connectivity and conductivity. Unfortunately, like many of us, those neural pathways are laid down from trauma and PTSD... often from malicious behavior of other people towards us. The brain is designed for "survival"... and it will try to protect us from harm by either "fight or flight"... and if it is "flight" then it creates ways for "avoidance behavior". There is safety from getting hurt by people if you just avoid them... simple enough. However, you live in a world where you are also supposed to be responsible, accountable, dependable, trustworthy... not only for yourself, but other people. You have to boldly face up to life's obstacles in your way... push them aside or knock them over. You can be none of those if you're so withdrawn you can't function.

Now, there are ways to break that cycle of behavior, but I am thinking, in cases like this, you might need some professional guidance here. Psilocybin therapy with meditation has been a great help for me... but in your case, I might be inclined to get some help here. You've got a lot more going on than I do. You need to deal with your s**t in a "safe space" where you can open up, bring it up to the surface and face it with someone. The psilocybin is a good tool if used at the right time... it accelerates the neuroplasticity needed for behavior change, but it also can erase the old, "bad" neuro pathways if the "good" neuro pathways are reinforced in the "integration period" after the medication. There are centers that specialize in this type of therapy scattered throughout the US and abroad.