Selective mutism: help please

[TouhouFan28]

I have selective mutism. I just cannot hold conversations properly, talk to people properly, or talk in general. Sometimes it doesn't bother me, and I'm okay with being by myself; but I feel a little guilty that I'm being rude. I wouldn't announce my arrival, I would decline food offered to guests at gatherings, I wouldn't say goodbye before leaving, my greetings are usually very short, I would often times just nod, shake my head, or talk using a single word or expression. (Oohh, yes, no, okay are the most common). Even at my big age, when my parents are around, they would usually speak for me.

Here's a sort of conversation I had a few days ago:
"Heyy Touhoufan28, nice to see you!"
"Thanks"
"What role are you doing for the play?"
"The spotlight"
"Important role huh?"
*nods*

Sigh. Socializing has always been a huge obstacle for me. Not only can I not maintain eye contact, I avoid being physically close, I talk really softly and I'm always short-spoken. I remember studying and mentally taking note of charismatic people. I've tried "putting myself out there" by volunteering at theatres but I've just reverted back to the same habit of avoiding every social situation. I feel like if I tried something new, nothing will change. So I need some advice. Sometimes' I wish that everybody in society was assigned friends but that would be weird LOL!

 

[monkeyclogs]

that sounds quite isolating, I'm sorry it's troubling you. I definitely don't think you need to feel guilty for "being rude" it doesn't sound to me like you are.

True to form, I have questions before I respond

it's interesting that your post is eloquently written and I'm wondering if written communication feels easier for you than spoken? did it take you a long time to draft your post or did it flow naturally like other people speak?

when you say that you give one word answers is that because that covers everything that you feel needs to be said at that time?

when you let people speak for you is that a relief or frustrating? does it feel like they are accurately saying what you would say if you were speaking for yourself?