Seeking advice on how to handle my new diagnosis.

[Elsa82]

Hallo.I'm Elisabeth,36 years old.
Recently I was diagnosed with Asperger's, after about 19 years of having been initially diagnosed with anxiety disorder , Adhd and depression.

For the time being this is new to me and I'm trying to find more information about this and I understand knowing better the mechanism of "how I'm wired" can lead to improved quality of life.
Indeed,it is the very first time I can explain pretty much countless differences I always had with the rest of the people around me and how I see the world.

My question is,who do I share this diagnosis with ?
My parents ? Close friends ? I understand this could help me.
I would be reluctant with my parents because it is genetic and I do not want them to blame themselves for anything.
They know me well and all about my behaviour and they were always very understanding and supportive but this might hurt them and I'd have to see some real benefit for all parties involved before I would share this.

I would appreciate anything anyone would have to say.Thank you.

 

[Gritches]

An AS diagnosis comes with it some answers (about who you really are), and with those answers comes some closure, and with that closure comes some peace. I might be out of the loop, but I don't think it's been conclusively proven that AS is genetic, and in any case have you considered that your parents might be happy for you that you've finally got the right diagnosis, and with that some form of closure and peace?

 

[Pats]

I was diagnosed a few years ago and read and read everything I could find. I was excited to finally have answers to why I was like I was. A few people I chose to tell, I was very disappointed in their not accepting it when, to me, it was a relief - but I think to them it just meant I had something mentally wrong with me, which is not the case.
If my mom were still around I would have shared it with her - would also be asking her a lot of questions. If you do choose to tell your parents but worried how they will feel about it, make sure you have a lot of additional information to give them. And you might let them know how much you appreciate their understanding and supporting you.

 

[BraidedPony]

I would wait a while before telling anyone. Get used to the idea, learn about it.
I haven’t told anyone yet, the few people I know would somehow use it against me.

 

[Isadoorian]

I replied to another members post on their recent diagnosis about a week and a half ago and I'll say the same thing here:

Have a look at this post and video by fellow AF member Autisimatic: "Newly Diagnosed... What next?" - New Autistamatic Video

and one last thing: Welcome to the Forums! I hope you make new friends and enjoy your stay in the process!

 

[Progster]

I only ever tell people if they really need to know, a doctor for example. I told close family members, because I felt that it would help them to understand me. Few people really understand what autism is, and I don't like to be judged according to media or Hollywood stereotypes, misunderstood, or not taken seriously.

 

[Moomin]

I think it’s all up to you with how much information you research and who to tell.

Obviously as an adult diagnosed in their 30s this situation will differ a little but I was diagnosed when I was a teenager, so my parents and sibling already had the knowledge that I’m AS. Classmates who I mistook for friends however were not understanding. Because of this I’m always careful of who to tell. I’m fearful of the rejection. I think I only ever told one university friend, and other university people who were on the spectrum only because of the group AS meets...

Of course not everyone will response negatively. I know people who’ve had positive experiences.
People handle things in various ways. My mother went throughout stages of denial, blame and accepting. I’m still not sure if she blames herself but I do feel that she makes an effort to understand at times.

And that’s important. The validation that a diagnosis brings. That you can now move and learn how to support yourself better. To understand you and what makes you tick. And if you think that it’ll help people around you to understand, then tell them in a way that works well for you.

I wish you luck.

 

[Suzanne]

I am currently undergoing tests and get my answer next month and for me, I long for it to be that I have aspergers, as it will be such a relief to me.

I would think that when ones question "strange" behaviour, then you can say that you have aspergers.

Not even been diagnosed yet and feel a sense of amazement that I am actually on route for it.

 

[LunaAurum]

I'm still unsure myself whom/how to tell people. Not that many people around me know and I don't like to think of the stereotypes that might pop in their heads when they hear 'autism'.

That said if your parents have always been supportive and you are close to them, I would assume they also might feel relieved and happy to know the source of your issues. I have a daughter and I am grateful for anything I can learn about her needs to make her life better.

I guess that varies a lot from person to person, but I don't think you should worry too much about your parents' guilt over genes. Everyone passes some good and some not-so-good things down, no humans are 100% perfect specimens. But in the end, the alternative is their loved one not even existing or being a totally different person. I think most people who love their children do not want them to be someone else; they just want them to be as happy as they can be. I'd say if the diagnosis has helped you, it is more likely to help them as well, especially if they're willing to learn with you how best to manage it.

 

[Judge]

That's a very basic question often asked here. With a very basic response.

"Need-to-know" basis only. With three considerations:

* That there will be those who want to understand and will succeed.
* That there will be those who want to understand and will fail.
* That most will default to expecting or demanding that you conform to the thought processes of a social majority.

That's what you are dealing with, whether over telling a complete stranger of your Neurodiversity or a blood relative you thought you knew your entire life.

In essence when considering telling someone of your Neurodiversity, proceed with caution. If someone doesn't really need to know, don't tell them.

 

[OlLiE]

my diagnosis gave me a sense of calm
it explained many things, and helped me accept myself
i learned not to look at it as a shortcoming, but as a trade off which has resulted in 'me'
no one in this world is issue free, ours just has a name
you can still find work, find a partner, ... have a happy life, just like everyone else

the diagnosis helped me settle, to manage my expectations and to realise that no one else can tell me who i have to be and what i have to posses to be happy, that's entirely up to me

i told my parents, but found that that wasn't very helpful, i have become who i am, they are not really equipped to understand it and understanding now would not have changed anything

my wife knows of course, as do my siblings
as i do not have much contact with others, i don't have anyone else to tell

if i am 'forced' to attend a social obligation, i say i have highly sensitive hearing and can't stay in crowded spaces for too long, that usually gets me a get out of jail card without the 'stigma' of having to go through the wholes spectrum explanation

good luck,
shape your own life,
be happy

 

[Elsa82]

Wow ! Thank you so much for your advice !!! Your experience is very helpful to me.
I see now how important it is for me to not react too early,before I have some time to assimilate this new status.
Isadoorian,the video was very helpful !
I think I will use my overanalytical qualities to my advantage and be careful who I share this information with on a need-to-know basis (as many of you pointed out) and with people I really trust and I know this knowledge will help us both to communicate better and make our lives a bit easier and better too.
As I read my way into this forum ,I'm so happy I found you ! Thank you !