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"Rejection is part of life"

Hypnalis said:
My impression (base on reading many, but not all of your posts on this) is that you're only familiar with part of the process.

If you don't know how to "close", you should work on that for now.

Also, just so we're clear, there's widespread use of deliberate false signals in this game. If you're handling the "opening" and the "middle game" well, but always failing in the endgame, I suggest you review your entire process.
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With all due respect, your post sounds somewhat contradictory.

On one hand, you make it sound like my high failure rate at closing means I'm somehow doing something wrong.

Yet then you also say there are a lot of deliberate false signals.

It could totally be that I'm doing something wrong, I admit. That being said, if deliberate false signals are really as common as you make it sound, isn't it equally likely I am doing everything right (and the signals were simply deliberate false signals, which is why I fail at closing)?
 
If you want to keep talking with me, you need to act on the assumption that I'm not just making stuff up.

FeatherBird said:
... you make it sound like my high failure rate at closing means I'm somehow doing something wrong.
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This is you projecting.
I'm acting on the assumption that you are not achieving an objective. In which case this is just a technical discussion - your behavior can't be "right or wrong", but it can be more or less effective.
 
FeatherBird said:
Flirting is tricky territory.

Here's why: Even if I pick up on flirting, there's still the question of what I'm supposed to do about the flirting.

Is the woman looking for me to invite her to my bedroom?

Is the woman looking for me to ask her out on a simple date?

Or does the woman just want me to flirt back, with no intention of taking it beyond flirting?

The answer is different for every scenario (and there's no way for me to know). I don't want to risk humiliating myself by trying to take it beyond flirting, only to find out the woman didn't want to take it beyond flirting.
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The classic:
"Coffee invite."

Baby steps... :cool:
 
FeatherBird said:
I suppose I could always ask a woman out after a flirt session to get my answer to the question of whether she'd like me to ask her out.

I can't bring myself to though. If it turned out the woman wasn't looking to be asked out, I'd blame my autism for the misreading on my part (and I'm extremely self-conscious about my autism)
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-Coffee...
-Would you like to do something else...
-What are your interests?
-Talk about her, rather than yourself.

She would understand where this might lead to and may green-light or red-light you.
FYI:
"I have a boyfriend" is a red-light in a relationship context, obviously. ;)
 
Jonn said:
The classic:
"Coffee invite."

Baby steps... :cool:
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I'm not even willing to put myself in a position where a woman I need to cross paths with again turns down a mere coffee invite.

I cannot face a woman I got turned down by.

I seriously haven't asked out a woman I had reason to believe I'd cross paths with again since 2012.

Since then, it's been entirely online methods, cold approaches on total strangers, and organized singles events.
 
FeatherBird said:
I'm not even willing to put myself in a position where a woman I need to cross paths with again turns down a mere coffee invite.

I cannot face a woman I got turned down by.

I seriously haven't asked out a woman I had reason to believe I'd cross paths with again since 2012.

Since then, it's been entirely online methods, cold approaches on total strangers, and organized singles events.
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You seem to have a major problem with rejection.
Do you consider yourself to have RSD?
 
Can you try to find other things to enjoy by yourself. I feel lonely a lot myself, but I still try to find things to enjoy. Even the small things help. Last night, I got to see a toad hopping across the yard in the rain. It may not sound like much, but even small things like that can lift your mood.
 
If I had not just gone upstairs knocked on the bedroom door asked if she wanted to join me to watch my cousin play as she had moved into his former room, I never would have got to know my future wife. I had no idea she and my other female tenants were all waiting for me to approach one of them. Nothing ventured nothing gained.
 
Jonn said:
You seem to have a major problem with rejection.
Do you consider yourself to have RSD?
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No, I wouldn't say I have RSD.

Because I only fear a specific type of rejection: A rejection from a woman I actually know.

I have no problem with getting rejected by a woman I don't know. I'd rather get rejected 100 times by those I don't know than even once by a woman I know.
 
Ronald Zeeman said:
If I had not just gone upstairs knocked on the bedroom door asked if she wanted to join me to watch my cousin play as she had moved into his former room, I never would have got to know my future wife. I had no idea she and my other female tenants were all waiting for me to approach one of them. Nothing ventured nothing gained.
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I went to an organized singles event this weekend.

I'm willing to put myself in positions to potentially date (and potentially get rejected by) a woman...but only if I'm unlikely to run into her again after a possible rejection (so tenants, if I had any, would be out of the question)

That being said, I wouldn't be shocked if there have been similar instances through the years to what you described (where a woman was waiting for me to make my approach, yet I had no idea)
 
I has women approach me in high school. college, work in the past, did not know I was on spectrum, missed the boat, as they were not following the rules as I understood them. My logic was simple no money no dating. education first,
 
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What is the difference between RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria) vs BPD (borderline personality disorder)?
 
Ronald Zeeman said:
I has women approach me in high school. college, work in the past, did not know I was on spectrum, missed the boat, as they were not following the rules as I understood them. My logic was simple no money no dating. education first,
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I've been approached before. It just happens extremely infrequently.
 
Ronald Zeeman said:
My logic was simple no money no dating. education first,
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That still resonates with me. Especially as a senior citizen on a fixed income. Maybe it's about our generation as well. I still have a sense of need to be able to provide for two and not simply one.

And these days it's not a very realistic expectation on my part. :oops:
 
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