"Rejection is part of life"

[Aspychata]

I truly wish that everything was embellished and weaponized. I lost my last job because l wouldn't sleep with a married board member of the private club l worked for. That hit pretty hard for me, l am a older female, and jobs don't grow on trees. But continue on in your beliefs. Anyways , rejection happens so many ways in so many applications, l just decided to accept it and improve my odds, like a life hack for jobs, relationships, social settings. But acceptance also happens, so you get the good with bad, like a love hate thing, a ying yang thing, just sorta of how l view it. Now remember that we may get rejections, we also give rejections but maybe aren't aware of it.

 

[Hypnalis]

I don't play games with people like you as I have a life outside of this community. Good day to you.

This is part of the "game" in question. Yet another "thought-terminating cliche".

... Your inability or unwillingness to educate yourself on your own ...

BTW your "tell" is that your side of the discussion has been about women, rather than about ND's, or even ND women. Which is hardly appropriate in an AF thread that was originally about the relatively high likelihood of ND men being rejected by women.

No women were harmed in the making of the original post of this thread.

 

[NB79]

Men / women, society seems more evil than in other times, family values and families are being harmed.
People seem divided, if its not politics, is another group or thing that is polarizing, maybe is internet fault for a bit of that.

 

[FeatherBird]

I truly wish that everything was embellished and weaponized. I lost my last job because l wouldn't sleep with a married board member of the private club l worked for. That hit pretty hard for me, l am a older female, and jobs don't grow on trees. But continue on in your beliefs. Anyways , rejection happens so many ways in so many applications, l just decided to accept it and improve my odds, like a life hack for jobs, relationships, social settings. But acceptance also happens, so you get the good with bad, like a love hate thing, a ying yang thing, just sorta of how l view it. Now remember that we may get rejections, we also give rejections but maybe aren't aware of it.

In response to your comment about how we give rejections we maybe aren't aware of:

There have probably been times where a woman felt rejected because I wasn't acting on her clues.

Little did she know, chances are it's not that I didn't want to act on her clues. It's that I was terrified to take the risk of acting on her clues only to potentially find out she's "only being nice" (I would have been humiliated)

Equally likely is that I simply failed to pick up on her clues.

 

[thejuice]

My charisma stat i think is -1, so i can't seem to make friends much.
Socializing is an ability i don't have it seems, so i think it got worse because of not using it, what you don't practice gets worse lol.

We do have a social disability, I don't think NTs need to practice socialising, it just comes naturally. We can learn to mask better, it's always going to be stressful and exhausting.

Agree. Ever been to social anxiety meetup groups, introvert groups? They are almost the same experience as regular neurotypical groups they claim their for social anxiety, but it's the same thing I go to them, and they are socializing with everyone else while I'm sitting there by myself the outcast every single time so that's a bunch of BS saying that people and socialize easily I'm always the outcast every single time, so I agree with that statement.

You have the double whammy of autism and anxiety. Being a single man probably carries a bit of stigma too.

 

[Dagan]

Right on cue per this thread, I had a lady reveal that she gave me every chance to date her. That she was flirting and wanting me to notice. I told her that she could have simply said something, too, especially when it's known that I am who and how I am. Anyway, it comes down to myself being who was giving "rejection." Oops.

It comes down to being a guy who doesn't interact with any ladies while having intentions of trying to win them over or even notice me. If I interact with anyone at all, it's me being respectful, doing whatever purpose of said interaction(s) and just having a mindset of no other expectations. This is why I probably really don't like folks that are entitled or arrogant / cocky because I just can't understand the desire to be that way. I do think that's part of what this gal's deal is, as well. She's apparently used to guys throwing themselves at her, which also tells me that she probably hasn't taken a serious amount of time to truly know someone and earn being close / intimate to any degree that fully matters and will have staying power.

C'est la vie!

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Why I like to plan, thought my life was about overcoming bad luck so planned around.

 

[Jonn]

"Rejection is part of life"​

You get used to it.
I did.
It made me more independent and stronger.

 

[Jonn]

One thing I hate hearing is "rejection is part of life" (whether it's being said to me or somebody else)

What a stupid (and unhelpful) thing to say.

Of course rejection is part of life...but here's the thing: The individual rejection isn't the problem. Everyone is prone to getting rejected occasionally.

When you get rejected 100% of the time (or nearly 100% of the time), however, that's when it becomes a problem. You begin to feel like there's something wrong with you.

Stoicism:

In Stoicism, it is believed that we have the faculties available to control our thoughts, emotions, and actions – but it is up to us to use that power wisely. By recognizing our own agency and taking ownership of our lives, we can cultivate a sense of self-control and personal responsibility.

Ironically, using the context you presented, many ppl find stoic ppl attractive.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Now remember that we may get rejections, we also give rejections but maybe aren't aware of it.

So very true @Aspychata . In dealing with my ancient hurts I took a deep dive into myself and my actions. It hurt to remember the times I may have been unthinking in rejecting kind overtures or offers of connection. I just hope that I did not cause those kind girls/women to feel negatively about themselves. Just the thought of that is painful for me. Why are we so good at denying ourselves some measure of happiness?

 

[FeatherBird]

Right on cue per this thread, I had a lady reveal that she gave me every chance to date her. That she was flirting and wanting me to notice. I told her that she could have simply said something, too, especially when it's known that I am who and how I am. Anyway, it comes down to myself being who was giving "rejection." Oops.

It comes down to being a guy who doesn't interact with any ladies while having intentions of trying to win them over or even notice me. If I interact with anyone at all, it's me being respectful, doing whatever purpose of said interaction(s) and just having a mindset of no other expectations. This is why I probably really don't like folks that are entitled or arrogant / cocky because I just can't understand the desire to be that way. I do think that's part of what this gal's deal is, as well. She's apparently used to guys throwing themselves at her, which also tells me that she probably hasn't taken a serious amount of time to truly know someone and earn being close / intimate to any degree that fully matters and will have staying power.

C'est la vie!

Flirting is tricky territory.

Here's why: Even if I pick up on flirting, there's still the question of what I'm supposed to do about the flirting.

Is the woman looking for me to invite her to my bedroom?

Is the woman looking for me to ask her out on a simple date?

Or does the woman just want me to flirt back, with no intention of taking it beyond flirting?

The answer is different for every scenario (and there's no way for me to know). I don't want to risk humiliating myself by trying to take it beyond flirting, only to find out the woman didn't want to take it beyond flirting.

 

[FeatherBird]

You get used to it.
I did.
It made me more independent and stronger.

Everyone's mileage is different.

I've certainly heard the school of thought that getting rejected a lot is how to overcome a fear of rejection.

That hasn't been the case for me. Getting rejected a lot is how I ended up hating rejection.

 

[FeatherBird]

Stoicism:


Ironically, using the context you presented, many ppl find stoic ppl attractive.

I've taken ownership of my agency by making a key change to my approach: I quit asking out members of the opposite sex I actually know.

I haven't asked out a woman I know since 2012.

Every move I've made since then has been on a woman I don't know. Because that's easier for me than asking out a woman I know.

 

[velociraptor]

Women get advanced all the time. But men get tons of ostracized rejection.

Maybe one day you will be employable and you will realize how wrong and horrible what you just typed is.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Maybe one day you will be employable and you will realize how wrong and horrible what you just typed is.

I hate people.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Flirting is tricky territory.

Here's why: Even if I pick up on flirting, there's still the question of what I'm supposed to do about the flirting.

Is the woman looking for me to invite her to my bedroom?

Is the woman looking for me to ask her out on a simple date?

Or does the woman just want me to flirt back, with no intention of taking it beyond flirting?

The answer is different for every scenario (and there's no way for me to know). I don't want to risk humiliating myself by trying to take it beyond flirting, only to find out the woman didn't want to take it beyond flirting.

Here is the solution. I wish I had this when I was interested in dating.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

People suck

 

[Mary Terry]

I hate people.

Don't hate people, Tony. You need people in your life and you're doing so much better since you started therapy. Please keep working at it.

 

[NB79]

Maybe one day you will be employable and you will realize how wrong and horrible what you just typed is.

Probably there would no humanity if men didn't make advances on women.

 

[thejuice]

I think you might be in self destruct mode Tony, if you can solely focus on riding out the tidal wave of anger, that would be a good goal. Feelings are temporary, every single time. Act in haste, repent at leisure.

Don't let any opportunists bait you, they don't have good intentions.