"Rejection is part of life"

[FeatherBird]

One thing I hate hearing is "rejection is part of life" (whether it's being said to me or somebody else)

What a stupid (and unhelpful) thing to say.

Of course rejection is part of life...but here's the thing: The individual rejection isn't the problem. Everyone is prone to getting rejected occasionally.

When you get rejected 100% of the time (or nearly 100% of the time), however, that's when it becomes a problem. You begin to feel like there's something wrong with you.

 

[Mary Terry]

Maybe a better way of thinking about this is that "disappointment is a fact of life".

 

[Uri]

This is why I want 'assisted suicide'.

I am tired to play the game of life if I had no chance to succeed in it from the beginning and I'm always suffering and depressed.

I'm done with this world and this society.

 

[AprilR]

Yes, and most likely the people who say that to you had not experienced rejection as much as you did, so it is invalidating your experience also.

Sometimes people don't want advice either, they just want to be heard.

 

[IXxTchxXI]

I like saying "rejection is redirection" instead

I know someone famous said it, because I read it as a quote online but I can't remember who

I like it more, I mean, it's nicer to say that rejection is redirection, it gives me a bit of hope

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I meet someone three weeks ago she is going through similar issues as me. I was actually told from pastors saying that I want to meet and be friends with a girl with issues like me. I was told "never gonna happen". Well it happened. Now I am scared because I don't know what to do.

 

[Jumpinbare]

I meet someone three weeks ago she is going through similar issues as me. I was actually told from pastors saying that I want to meet and be friends with a girl with issues like me. I was told "never gonna happen". Well it happened. Now I am scared because I don't know what to do.

Spend good respectful time with her. Don't rush anything.

 

[FeatherBird]

I like saying "rejection is redirection" instead

I know someone famous said it, because I read it as a quote online but I can't remember who

I like it more, I mean, it's nicer to say that rejection is redirection, it gives me a bit of hope

My counselor says every rejection brings me closer to finding "the one"

I don't believe her.

 

[FeatherBird]

Yes, and most likely the people who say that to you had not experienced rejection as much as you did, so it is invalidating your experience also.

Sometimes people don't want advice either, they just want to be heard.

Yeah. Just like how, as a skinny individual, I have no idea what it's like to be obese.

As an analogy, if I told a self-conscious obese individual to simply get over their body image issues, I'd be invalidating their experience.

So that's why I'd never tell a self-conscious obese individual to get over it.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

My counselor says every rejection brings me closer to finding "the one"

I don't believe her.

Find a new consoler.
The one that hurt me so bad that nearly turned me into a woman hating incel that I tried to hard to make female friends then it just happened told me last year before I dropped her and tried so hard and it nearly destroyed me.
“You can't have female friends. Only normal people can have female friends.”
It hurt.

 

[Judge]

“You can't have female friends. Only normal people can have female friends.”

The irony- and absurdity of such a statement.

Especially observing over many years listening to heterosexual males candidly admit to one another that they felt they were incapable of maintaining a platonic friendship with a woman. Particularly if they were attractive. Some even claimed that was just a "gay thing".

I tended to just keep my mouth shut hearing such things. Struggling not to roll my eyes or shake my head.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

My new friend heard that, and she said that was mean for a therapist to say, and I proved her wrong. I felt proud.

 

[velociraptor]

What a stupid (and unhelpful) thing to say.

Not really. Everyone gets rejected. Not everyone learns to cope with it. I have a growth mindset. I see failures as lessons. A rejection to me just means I'm closer to my next success, especially if I figure out what went wrong and apply the knowledge moving foward.

I don't worry about rejection and failure so much now. In fact, I worry when my job goes too well. If I'm not blowing stuff up I'm not getting the growth opportunities I need to advance. I see failures as part of my path to success.

 

[FeatherBird]

Not really. Everyone gets rejected. Not everyone learns to cope with it. I have a growth mindset. I see failures as lessons. A rejection to me just means I'm closer to my next success, especially if I figure out what went wrong and apply the knowledge moving foward.

I don't worry about rejection and failure so much now. In fact, I worry when my job goes too well. If I'm not blowing stuff up I'm not getting the growth opportunities I need to advance. I see failures as part of my path to success.

Coping methods are futile when you get rejected nearly 100% of the time.

 

[velociraptor]

Coping methods are futile when you get rejected nearly 100% of the time.

Sounds like a problem I used to have. It gave me the motivation to learn coping methods.

The world isn't going to change just because you have the hurt feels. If you want to fit better and have more fun then the onus is on you to change yourself. Sorry, but that's just how it is. I didn't like hearing this from an AA sponsor decades back, either.

 

[kintsugi]

It is, but it never gets any easier until you feel more confident in yourself. That's the key because you won't and can't be liked by everyone. I've shrunk my world a lot to avoid rejection, but that gets lonely after a while. It's hard to navigate. My fear comes from always feeling like I’m second best. I want to be someone’s favorite, but I never am. I always end up wondering why they don’t like me as much as I like them.

 

[kintsugi]

This is why I want 'assisted suicide'.

I am tired to play the game of life if I had no chance to succeed in it from the beginning and I'm always suffering and depressed.

I'm done with this world and this society.

Hang in there, please. Is there anything that gives you joy?

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Coping methods are futile when you get rejected nearly 100% of the time.

Younger women treated me like garbage today all day, just like old times at Bryant Park and the libraries. Getting up and leaving when I sat near them. Giving me resting faces all day. Only the old people sat near me and smiled. Just like old times. Just about destroy myself esteem.

 

[Mary Terry]

I meet someone three weeks ago she is going through similar issues as me. I was actually told from pastors saying that I want to meet and be friends with a girl with issues like me. I was told "never gonna happen". Well it happened. Now I am scared because I don't know what to do.

Just be a friend, Tony. Don't hit on her or try to flirt. Listen to her concerns and share your concerns if she invites you to do so.

 

[RemyZee]

My counselor says every rejection brings me closer to finding "the one"

I don't believe What a lame thing to say.