Recently diagnosed.

[elirawr]

Hello there, I am fairly new here to AC but I have been lurking around a little. I will introduce myself a bit and my son.

I am 26 and a single mother. I am currently studying from home to get a diploma in community services work. I also suffer from depression and anxiety.

My son is 7 in March and was recently diagnosed with Asperger's. It all started to come forward when he started kinder last year and things got worse throughout this year with him having even more meltdowns in classes at school. His teacher and I spoke and talked about his anxiety issues also and she suggested that i speak to my GP and see what they thought. After going through with that she hinted as asperger's but knew she couldn't give a diagnosis so she referred me to a psych to get that on the ball. After a few sessions and a video that I recorded from home of one of his meltdowns (because Master S was a well behaved boy during our sessions) we got our diagnosis that he was level 1 Aspergers.

It's been a real eye opener for me after learning so much within these last few months. I always knew that my son was rather advanced with his math skills... but I never realised how far ahead of himself he was. He is doing math work of children many years older than he is and finds it quite easy and he has a love for science already. He is on par with all his other subjects at school, though sports and music he doesn't like as much.

He is very sensitive to loud noises, this was one of our first things that set us off and I even had his ears and such checked by the doctor but he said that there was no damage to the ear drums and everything was fine and he was obviously just a bit sensitive to loud noises. Since then I now know it was a lot more than that.

He is so active all day from the moment he is awake till he finally passes out.. he does not sleep well or as much as he should and god that can be tiring. He sleeps around 10:30 and is awake around 6-7am. I don't sleep well myself so falling asleep around 2-3am and waking at 6-7 am is not doing me well but I cope.

Food is always an issue, always has been. He will refuse to eat anything that looks gross to him or if the texture is weird. If it feels slimey he will not even touch it.

I've had to learn a lot lately to just accept some things he does as they are things he does as stimming.. and some of them drive me crazy like when he is feeling unwell he will cuddle into my side and stroke the skin on my arm... i hate this but he will not relax at all unless he does this. He also chews on things a lot and I have recently ordered a chew necklace to try out to see if that helps.

It has also been about 3 years since I have heard him say "i love you" or been able to give him a kiss on the cheek/head or anything or receive one from him. We give hugs and they are short and tight sweet hugs but that his his affection to me. I can ask him if he loves me now and he will flatly say "yes" but that is as far as we have gotten now.

Keeping him occupied can be stressful for me. Some days he can be occupied with his tv shows and his games and toys and such... others every two seconds he is clinging off me whinging he is bored and there is nothing to do and everything I try to do with him is not good enough and not going to occupy him. I've looked after kids in the past and a box of toys or a ball in the back yard has kept them happy for a long time.

He has real time management issues to. He has to be on time for everything. If I am busy and say "I will be with you in just a minute" he will literally stand there and count to 60 and get upset if it takes longer than that. I've recently gotten him a small digital watch that attaches to a lanyard for him to have with him so he has the time with him so he knows when I say "we are leaving at 8:20 which is in 15 minutes" or something ike that he has the time there and he knows how long he has... otherwise he tends to freak out not knowing how much time is left and is asking me every minute what the time is.

Most of this stuff I am used to now, its just a part of my every day life now but each summer holidays (now for us australians) he spends four weeks with my mother... she is still adjusting to how he is and though she is really helpful it takes a lot out of her with some things.

Though I am not with his father I still have contact with him often and with Master S's recent diagnosis I have spoken to him and noted that the two of the are identical and that maybe his diagnosis as a kid of adhd that he swore was wrong because the medication sent him off the show.. that maybe he has Aspergers also... his own father (master s's pop) shows classic signs of it also and after that talk with him he is now thinking of getting himself checked out by a psych to see if that is the case or not.

wow this got longer than I was expecting. I just wanted to post this up here.. I do have some people in real life to talk to about this but not many that have the experience of being aspic themselves or a parent of someone who is and can help me with suggestions and such.

 

[Suzanne]

Hi there, and very much welcome to this amazing forum.

I am officially, unofficially diagnosed with aspergers; meaning that certain ones who have had direct contact with an aspie, recognised me as one, but as yet, no "professional" diagnosis, which I am trying to pluck the courage to have ( about 2 hr journey).

It seems to me, that you are doing really well, despite feeling tired.

You have arrived at a fantastic forum, where there are other mums who also have children with aspergers, but most importantly, they are males, for we females are different! I hate maths with a passion but love logic and being tidy, so some of what you describe, is very much me.

Lol time! Me too has this issue. If someone says they will arrive at 2pm and they do not, I get very agitated. It is a nightmare with my husband for he majorly procrastinates. Like we have only a few minutes to get somewhere, when we won't be late and he is fiddling about and I could scream!

I think if you could find a forum for parents with male aspie children, that would help a great deal.

Being aspergic is both stressful for the one with aspergers and the one who is not!

 

[AsheSkyler]

Welcome aboard!

I'd like to recommend Stimtastic too. They have all sorts of chewables and toys.

With luck, he should grow out of some of the food problems. I always hated turnip greens because of how slimy they are, but I like them pretty good now. Especially with peppers!

My mom had issues with the lack of affection. But she knows she's at the top of my list of people I like. I reckon so long as you're at the top of your son's list, he loves you very much in his own way.

I'm not surprised if his dad might have it, autism and autistic traits like to run in the family. Mine likes to skip a generation.

 

[NewOldAspie]

My Mother was so good to me even with anger i carried. I had an early childhood trauma that covered my AS. My Mother is gone now, and I wish I could explain myself to her. The connections I remember most were washing and drying the dishes, making fudge, things that required us to work together. Not that we connected all the time, but it stills leaves a sense of her, and we spoke of our thoughts. I was oldest of 6, so she had to spread herself. But I was as difficult as you might imagine.

I was gifted in many ways. My 3rd & 4th teacher nurtured me and fed me as fast as I could swallow. She had 40 years experience and said I was one of most gifted students she taught.

Enter 5th grade, different school. Teacher was funny made people laugh. She wrote things on chalk board like it was a college classroom. That was end of my education thru high school. I tryed being class clown and really never learned anything after. What a shame and waste.

High school was worst, graduated at bottom of class. After gaining some hard knocks in real life I returned to college at 29 and received 2 engineering degrees. I was design engineer for rebuild of Air Force One and I got to work on Space Shuttle.

My family was not into the hugging and verbal expression of loving. But I new it was very much their. My parents were both great and I loved them very much but probably never really expressed that to them.

Education is key especially at a level that keeps him engaged. Remember that he loves you no matter what. Find a routine that engages his hands and maybe he will let his light shine for moment.

 

[smebee]

Hi,

I too have a son (aged 11) with suspected aspergers. He has his first assessment next week. He has very similar traits to those you describe of your son. I always thought it was normal behaviour, as he and I are very alike! Only to be told by the school that it's probably AS. It's taken over a year to get an assessment, as he wasn't considered a priority, due to him excelling at school (maths and science) and not being disruptive. I have too been referred for assessment by my gp.
How did your son feel about his diagnosis? I still have to tell mine that he has an assessment next week. I usually give him several days notice before we do anything out of routine, so need to broach the subject again. Last time we spoke of it, he was proud to be unique, and loves that his school peers call him little Einstein! On telling him that Einstein and Isaac Newton were thought to be aspies too, he was beaming at the idea of being likened to them!

 

[elirawr]

Thank you all for your responses, i really enjoyed reading about your own lives and how you all handle things

smebee I haven't officially sat him down and told him about aspergers and such but he has heard me discuss it with his teacher and other family and friends and that hasn't bothered him. He knows we went to the psychologist to find ways to help him and for me to find ways to make sure that I can help him too. I told him that he might be different from other kids in some way and they might not understand him at times but he is still himself and he never has to change that. We often keep everything to routine and if things go out of whack I try to give him as much of warning as possible. He is on holidays with my mother and visiting his father also for a few weeks and that is going well. I am getting a much needed break too! While he is gone I am changing around his room, I've had these plans for a while and I told him about it and i've been sending him updates pictures as I am doing it. I promised him I would not be moving his bed at all because he started stressing about that. So far he is happy with the changes he can see in the pictures but I think that is because he can see all his cool new toys being displayed also. Time till tell on how it goes when he gets home!

In feburary he starts Grade 1 and that will be a new experience. He did not settle in well at the start of Kinder or Prep but slowly got into a routine. His teacher from last year has thankfully passed along her own report and the report from the psych to his new teachers and this should hopefully make for a smoother transition. He will also go see the social worker at school too at least once I weel to make sure things are going okay with him and that he is coping alright. There is one boy who is also autistic that has been in his classes the lat two years and once again they are together next year. He also loves Math and the two of them often challenge each other. My son comes home excited if he managed to one up this other kid... I have to remind him not to rub it in and that it's not a serious competition or else it upsets the other boy.

It's going to be a long journey but I am just happy to finally have a path to follow. Before he gets home from the holidays I will also have a trampoline for him to try and wear him out a little more. He loves trampolines so I finally got the money together to get him one

 

[Patrickm]

Hi I'm new to this aswell, my names Patrick and I'm 36 and I was diognosed with aspergers and ADD 4 months ago, I have a son who is 5 and he was diognosed a year and a half ago. That's when it all started, I hadn't even heard the word aspergers before. My son was having meltdowns which would last hours and would always want to be by himself. We got him privately diognosed and started sending him to a special school. The stuff they did with him in the school was absolutely amazing, they are amazing people. He finished in it last summer and he has changed so much, no meltdowns and if he does have one we are able to control it within minutes. We have been told our son is gifted and has an IQ of 130, I know now looking back because I didn't realise when he was born because he was our first but all the amazing gifts he has, some examples are he was able to count from 30 backward when he was just 1 and a half and his memory is amazing he can remember everything we ask him since he was 1. I only realised I had it when I start reading books on aspergers because I suffer from depression and anxiety a lot and mode swings because of changes to routines! Being diognosed has changed my life and made my partners life a whole lot better because she said I was very hard to live with at times! There is one thing I have been using when my son is starting to have a meltdown or refuses to listen when I'm talking to him, I start counting from 5-0 and before I even get to 3 he would have stopped what he was at, he just can't handle the thought of me getting to 0 and in the few years I have being doing it I have never got to 0

 

[Maelstrom]

[QUOTE="smebee, I usually give him several days notice before we do anything out of routine, so need to broach the subject again. Last time we spoke of it, he was proud to be unique, and loves that his school peers call him little Einstein! On telling him that Einstein and Isaac Newton were thought to be aspies too, he was beaming at the idea of being likened to them![/QUOTE]

Oh smebee I could kiss your feet you have to be the best Mom ever. You have no idea how much I suffered on the surprise thing. My mom would walk in and say you're going to this strange place or meet this strange person in 5 minuets, and stand there blankly expecting me to thank her, while my brain turns crimson with a aneurysm. And oh how the endless slimy cooked onion wars raged. You must be a very nice person to set aside your pride and wishes and try to understand your son so well, he is very lucky to have you for a mother. Take care on the Einstein thing I blew everyone out of the water on science placement tests but being organized enough to get good grades and being able to figure out how to fit into life to use those skills, may require some creative thoughtful thinking. I think parents spend far too little time studying their childrens abilities and needs and helping them find paths in life that may suit them. It is stupid to kick your kid towards the nearest big dollar door and then cry when they crash and burn.