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Puns

FreeDiver said:
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Could be worse I suppose. At least he managed to come out of his shell.

Even if he is spent...
 
GrownupGirl said:
I tried to be a doctor once, but I didn't enough patients.:mask:

Then I tried to open up a bakery, but I didn't have the dough.

Then I got a job cleaning out backyard pools. It started out swimmingly, but then it got too draining.:sweat:

And then finally I tried making clocks for a living, but I just didn't have the time.
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Oh my goodness, this is such a good pun! Did you make this up? It's fantastic!
 
I was addicted to the hokey pokey... but thankfully, I turned myself around.


My socks got really holy. I can only wear them to church.


Why was the chef arrested? He was beating eggs every day.
 
On one of my GI Joe/1:6 scale forums, there was a consensus that, like the existing horses, someone should make 1:6 scale camels.

Me: Before they do that, they should first make llamas.

Them: Why?

Me: Whoever heard of a "dolly" camel...?
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(I think the above would be considered an "inductive" pun. The pun is implied rather than explicitly stated.
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The point I'd like to make today is, that my mind is sharp, right now, this wit is double edged...

The pun is mightier than the sword!
:)
 
One from my guy

Not sure why people starve out in the desert, coz there's plenty to eat, with all the sand-wich's out there.
 
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What do you call a deer with only one eye?
- no idea.
What do you call a dead deer with only one eye?
- still no idea.
-Oh dear, what a terrible joke!

What's black and white and red all over?
A newspaper.
 
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Continuing with the "Llama" Theme...
A one-"L" lama, he's a priest.
A two-"L" llama, he's a beast.
A three-"L" lllama is...
one heck of a fire!!!
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What did the Mason jar say about it's favorite song?
"Now that's my kind of jam."

What did the cucumber say after it found out it was going to be cooked tomorrow?
"Now I'm in a pickle."

What did the music teacher say to the struggling guitar student?
"Don't fret about it."
 
A Head Goes To A Bar...​
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar and tearfully tells the son he is proud of him.

Dad orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A torso pops out!

The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay.

Swoooop! Two arms pops out. The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, "Take another drink"! The bartender ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs pop out.

The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left.... then to the right.... right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly.

The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says, "That boy should have quit while he was a head."
 
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