Problem saying "thank you"

[Keith]

There are situations where I should've said "thank you" when all I said was "mm-hm" or "okay" or "great" or "all right". I should start considering the situation more.

 

[bentHnau]

I'm similar, but I manage to say "thank you" when it is expected. With people I know, I let down my guard a bit and I'm more likely to say "ok" or "great." "Thank you" doesn't quite feel natural.

When I do things for people, gratitude is not my aim; I don't want to be thanked and only care about getting them what they want or need, so I've no understanding of people who care about getting a thank you. Actually, it's probably more about conforming to social expectations than their actual need for gratitude much of the time. That's why I dislike being thanked myself: I don't want to engage in yet another meaningless social ritual.

The expectation that I express gratitude is one of the reasons I don't like it when people do things for me. Their "favors" are sometimes actually coercive attempts at social interaction in disguise: people know that social rules dictate that the receiver express gratitude, and manipulate those rules to get something out of the receiver, surreptitiously making the favor about them rather than whomever they are helping.

 

[DogwoodTree]

When I do things for people, gratitude is not my aim; I don't want to be thanked and only care about getting them what they want or need, so I've no understanding of people who care about getting a thank you.

...manipulate those rules to get something out of the receiver, surreptitiously making the favor about them rather than whomever they are helping.

Yes, this. The times I do "genuinely" say thank you (instead of saying it because I'm expected to), I know that inside I feel like I "owe" the person something because of what they did for me, and I'm trying to pay on that debt. Obviously, that's not a healthy perspective to act on, so in some ways, my quest for authenticity is drawing me away from saying thank you.

That said...I do think it's really cool when a big truck flashes its taillights to say thank you for letting him into the lane ahead of me. I always look for that. #imageek

 

[AsheSkyler]

I probably say it too much. Although I default to "thankie" since "thanks" is a bit sarcastic and "thank you" is either flat, cold, or too formal.

 

[DarkAscent]

If I'm saying thanks to strangers, then I nod my head as I'm very shy and don't know how else to communicate with them. With people that I've met before but don't know, I say "uhn" and nod my head. I think "uhn" might mean something like "yeah" in Cantonese because my Chinese mum is always saying that phrase.

With people that I know, it's "thanks" and maybe a happy (but not forced) smile. I'll only smile if I'm happy.

"Thank you" doesn't sound natural to me so I usually mumble "thanks" instead.

 

[Ferdinand94]

The times I do "genuinely" say thank you (instead of saying it because I'm expected to), I know that inside I feel like I "owe" the person something because of what they did for me, and I'm trying to pay on that debt. Obviously, that's not a healthy perspective to act on, so in some ways, my quest for authenticity is drawing me away from saying thank you.

This. Every time.

 

[Pierre09]

There are situations where I should've said "thank you" when all I said was "mm-hm" or "okay" or "great" or "all right". I should start considering the situation more.

My aspie wife is the same way. As an NT person, I can see how this can sometimes come accross "inappropriate" is you don't say "thank you" at the "appropriate time". This is probably something everyone here already knows, but as an NT person, we expect everyone to communicate with the same ritualistic social queues that we use regardless of how insincere they may be. For example, asking someone how they are doing when we really do'nt want to know. My wife and I have had discussions about this and she finds it very odd that I say "thank you" or ask "how's it going" when I don't really mean it. Logically I agree with her but the emotional side of me can't stop doing it

 

[Keith]

What brought this to my mind was a situation I had while doing volunteer work at my local library yesterday. While placing books onto a cart, one fell off. Another volunteer put it back onto the cart, and all I said was "Ok. Great.". I knew I probably should've said "thanks", but I hesitated, especially since it was too late by the time I thought of it.

 

[Etzelaire]

I say it automatically, through the years I've developed a kind of socially accepted behaviour that triggers without me doing much effort now.

 

[Owls12]

I can definitely relate to this. I always usually forget to say polite responses in general, such as "please" or "thank you". I think it was even worse at a younger age! But as of now, I think I tend to say it more automatically now without thinking about it which is good. I think the more I say it in conversations in general, the more I get used to it.

 

[buckyboy14]

I have a big problem with this. I am thankful for the things my parents do for me, but it's just something I forget to say, and it feels awkward to me. They don't understand this, and are always angry at me when I forget to say it.

 

[Zjezdzaj]

I’m not sure when to say “thank you” so I think I probably say it at the wrong times a lot but a huge problem of mine socially is “Hello” and “Good buy”.
(I have a tendancey to repeat what the other person says. If they say Hi I say Hi, if they say Hello I say Hello, if they say Yo I say Yo, if they say Good morning I say Good morning (you get it))

I struggle with “thank you” it is kinda awkward. I can’t sat say it when I receive a gift but if someone hands me a cup of coffee it just kinda automatically pops out without me thinking about it.