This site has helped me so much that I wanted to share my experience
I am an NT and have been dating a guy for over a year who I suspect is on the spectrum. An opportunity finally came up to broach the subject and he agreed with me that he has some traits that have caused him trouble in work and relationships.
The beginning of our relationship was very challenging. I mentioned this to some coworkers the other day and they thought it was strange because conventional wisdom is that starting a new relationship should be easy and fun.
It has been the opposite for me. The beginning was stressful but as we've gotten to know each other better. We are both very happy. I'm so grateful I stuck it out. I have learned so much about myself. He's very observant and has pointed out things I never realized. He's also a good example for me in terms of managing the challenges I have with my own ADHD. He's great at keeping track of things, being disciplined at taking care of his health, and setting boundaries with people. He doesn't put up with crap!
I came on here looking for answers and found very helpful feedback. I also read like crazy many books that I could find on the subject. It helped me understand him a lot better so I didn't take things as personally. When I stopped being so sensitive, he got less defensive and we were more able to discuss things openly.
He still says things that hurt my feelings sometimes but I have learned to step back, and let him chill out. Then I broach the subject later on when I'm less emotional and he's not on overload.
I realize that my experience may differ greatly from others' but I hope that before giving up on a potentially great relationship, both NTs and those with ASD know it's possible to work things out in some cases. In my case, education, patience, feedback from others, and a few therapy therapy sessions helped immensely.
Good luck!
I am an NT and have been dating a guy for over a year who I suspect is on the spectrum. An opportunity finally came up to broach the subject and he agreed with me that he has some traits that have caused him trouble in work and relationships.
The beginning of our relationship was very challenging. I mentioned this to some coworkers the other day and they thought it was strange because conventional wisdom is that starting a new relationship should be easy and fun.
It has been the opposite for me. The beginning was stressful but as we've gotten to know each other better. We are both very happy. I'm so grateful I stuck it out. I have learned so much about myself. He's very observant and has pointed out things I never realized. He's also a good example for me in terms of managing the challenges I have with my own ADHD. He's great at keeping track of things, being disciplined at taking care of his health, and setting boundaries with people. He doesn't put up with crap!
I came on here looking for answers and found very helpful feedback. I also read like crazy many books that I could find on the subject. It helped me understand him a lot better so I didn't take things as personally. When I stopped being so sensitive, he got less defensive and we were more able to discuss things openly.
He still says things that hurt my feelings sometimes but I have learned to step back, and let him chill out. Then I broach the subject later on when I'm less emotional and he's not on overload.
I realize that my experience may differ greatly from others' but I hope that before giving up on a potentially great relationship, both NTs and those with ASD know it's possible to work things out in some cases. In my case, education, patience, feedback from others, and a few therapy therapy sessions helped immensely.
Good luck!
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