Pissing family members off

[inkhorn82]

Every once in a while my lack of awareness of the emotional consequences of my actions or inaction pisses off a family member. I wish emotional Intelligence came easily to me, but it doesn't. I might think something isn't a big deal, but then I learn later that it is. It would be nice to own a mini Dale Carnegie to keep on my shoulder.... Sigh... It depresses me when my lack of people skills causes me to screw up.

 

[HappyHermit]

Hmm... if this happens with family members only you might want to investigate before you take things at face value. Families have their own dynamics and not always the most reasonable expectations, to put it mildly.

You don't have to tell anyone here, but when you mentally go through your interactions with different people outside your family, does the pattern repeat itself? Although non-relations may not be as blunt as family in telling you, they may get short with you or distance themselves if they feel repeatedly offended. I would recommend looking for a pattern outside the family, too, before jumping to conclusions.

Your family may be right about what they're telling you, but at the same time, families can be various degrees of dysfunctional, and someone with Asperger's or HFA is often disproportionately targeted (scapegoated/painted black).

It's good that you're trying to be considerate of others, even if you're not succeeding. But - and I realise I'm going on minimal information here - I urge you to pay attention to whether the effort is mutual or possibly even one-sided.

The whole reason this post raised red flags with me was the mention of family members only when it's so much easier to offend strangers and acquaintances who, in contrast to your family, have no to little idea what to make of someone acting odd.

Good luck. I hope you can solve to problem to your satisfaction.

 

[inkhorn82]

Thanks for your response. I guess the reason I mentioned family is because I don't have close friendships. As well, there have been times when I've gotten in trouble at work because of said people skills. I'll probably always feel like close relationships are difficult. I just hope that I can shift perspectives a bit to blame myself a bit less.