People with autism having children

[nike007]

Hello. I'm too young to think of this right now really, but last night, my mom told me that I shouldn't have kids because they will most likely have autism. I have wanted a kid or two in my mind. But my mom just said this because I have been diagnosed recently. If I wasn't diagnosed, she wouldn't have said this. What is your on having children? Autism is found to have several DNA strands linked to it, which shows it is a genetic disorder, or is more likely to be passed down if you or someone else in your family has autism. I feel like I'd be fine with children. My mom was concerned about "what if the child is severely autistic" and stuff. I can function quite fine, just with difficulty in some aspects. But overall, good. Anyways, going off topic. I feel like this may have not been a good thing to say, I am unsure though. Thanks for any responses .

 

[Crossbreed]

Temple Grandin has pointed out that a little autism is a good thing. Too much of it is a bad thing.

I don't know how old you are, but the only issues I can see are the same for everyone else (ASD/NT, when the time comes).

• Can you (and are you willing to) bear the responsibilities of being a wife?
• Can you (and are you willing to) bear the responsibilities of being a mom?

Make no mistake about it. Those are responsibilities. Most people want a mate who is a companion, comforter and helper, but fail to realize that they, themselves, have to be ready to be a companion, comforter and helper. And it's one thing to share such a relationship with a reciprocal partner. Babies are born helpless and do not "give back" in a relationship, at first. If they are severely disabled, they may never give back.

If you are still a child, those terms may seem daunting, but they may seem less so as you approach a marriageable age.

 

[Rayner]

The way I see it, every child born has the possibility of some sort of disability. If you want to have a child and your ready for the responsibility. So not to have a child because of the possibility that there could a disability is kind of dumb. Does that make sense?

 

[Mia]

Many people who are autistic have children, everyone here is the child of someone with autism. Or the aspie parent of a child who is on the spectrum or a partner of someone with autism. Our parents don't know everything, but if a parent told me I shouldn't have children, it would make me feel as if there was something wrong with me.

And there is nothing 'wrong' with people on the spectrum. If, for example Steven Hawking's parents had been told that they shouldn't have children, the world would have lost a great scientist although he didn't have autism. There are people like Wolfgang Mozart, Andy Warhol and Lewis Carroll who had autism and contributed a great deal to my life, they gave the world so much. The world would be less without them.

Asperger's is a genetic condition, and all of us function one way or the other in this world. It causes many to have difficulty with social interaction, something that people on the spectrum find difficult. It doesn't stop us from doing most things, and living lives that contribute in some way to the world. It is important that you know and realize that you can live a fulfilling life, and that Asperger's is not a mental illness or a disease.

It's called a syndrome because they had to give it a classification of some sort. It might be thought of as a group of behaviors that occur together, such as introversion and studiousness, or shy social skills when many people are talking all at once. Everyone with autism has different behaviors, and are capable of many things.

Don't let people tell you what your life is supposed to be, it's your life, not theirs. And when you're older and more familiar with your capabilities you can decide, not anyone else.

 

[David Larson]

What an awful thing to say to your child. Have kids if you damn well want to. Just a bit of life advice though, don't do it til you can afford it.

I may have passed Autism to my now 3-year-old daughter, and I have mixed feelings about that. Her life's going to be hard, but we are a sort of enlightened people in a way so I'm glad she'll be a part of that instead of just being another NT monkey running around throwing their feces everywhere. So I guess it's a wash.

 

[Judge]

I occasionally lament not ever becoming a father. I always seemed to be more comfortable with children than adults in general. Children aren't so mired down in societal pressures of conformity. They're wonderfully open-minded up to a certain point, before society spoils it all. Though I'm not sure my sensory issues could have handled the care of kids below four years of age. Oh well...I'll never know. Far too late for me.

But I suppose my track record in relationships would nullify the equation. Especially having a great nephew who like so many other kids, had to endure a broken home as the result of having parents who divorced.

 

[As sweet as-pie]

I don't see autism as a disability at all. My dad considers himself to be neurodiverse and I have to agree completely. I did a pedigree chart of inheritance in our family and could extrapolate that Autism is a dominant gene. i.e- if it is present at all, it will be shown. I hold the opposite fear, I really do not want to have a neurotypical child as I would not be able to understand them and would feel bad. My dad is Autistic and my mum is Neurotypical and they had a 50% chance of their offspring being Autistic. I have a neurotypical sister who my dad cannot relate to at all but he's really glad that we understand each other. Luckily I'm probably going to have children with a neurotypical partner, and my chances of having autistic children are still pretty high I do not fear having a "severely autistic" child as I know that I'll treat them well and won't patronise them or treat them as a hindrance, but given the high level of Aspergers/HFA in my family, it's very likely that at least one of my children will be high functioning autistic and I have just the same chance as everyone else of having a profoundly autistic child.

TLDR; your mum shouldn't have said that, it's a horrible thing to say and sounds as if she's saying she wishes that you weren't autistic. Autism is not an illness nor a disability, it is a neurotype, a way of thinking. surely you should want children who you can relate to and bring up in the right way. I would hate to bring up a neurotypical child because they would miss out on being "taught" how to be neurotypical in early life, only developing it later on.

 

[clg114]

Temple Grandin has pointed out that a little autism is a good thing. Too much of it is a bad thing.

I don't know how old you are, but the only issues I can see are the same for everyone else (ASD/NT, when the time comes).

• Can you (and are you willing to) bear the responsibilities of being a wife?
• Can you (and are you willing to) bear the responsibilities of being a mom?

Make no mistake about it. Those are responsibilities. Most people want a mate who is a companion, comforter and helper, but fail to realize that they, themselves, have to be ready to be a companion, comforter and helper. And it's one thing to share such a relationship with a reciprocal partner. Babies are born helpless and do not "give back" in a relationship, at first. If they are severely disabled, they may never give back.

If you are still a child, those terms may seem daunting, but they may seem less so as you approach a marriageable age.

Well said. Wouldn't it be nice if everyone considered these things before marriage or having kids. However, that would be way to logical for "most people".

 

[ChurchTheArtist]

Hello. I'm too young to think of this right now really, but last night, my mom told me that I shouldn't have kids because they will most likely have autism. I have wanted a kid or two in my mind. But my mom just said this because I have been diagnosed recently. If I wasn't diagnosed, she wouldn't have said this. What is your on having children? Autism is found to have several DNA strands linked to it, which shows it is a genetic disorder, or is more likely to be passed down if you or someone else in your family has autism. I feel like I'd be fine with children. My mom was concerned about "what if the child is severely autistic" and stuff. I can function quite fine, just with difficulty in some aspects. But overall, good. Anyways, going off topic. I feel like this may have not been a good thing to say, I am unsure though. Thanks for any responses .

I've encountered this with people before as well. The last person who worried about me/us having a child was my previous girlfriend who was also an aspie.

Make no mistake: There is nothing wrong with parenting an autistic child! Sure it makes things more challenging but that's good! It makes or breaks a parent and tests their merit. A good parent will rise and make the effort to be the best parent they can be because often having a baby isn't enough of a wake-up call; people get a second wake-up when they find out their kids need extra help developing. It's all too easy for people to have babies; I've seen way too often parents who are lazy, unmotivated and uninvolved with their kids. Usually when they find out one is autistic, they sometimes start showing more interest in how their kids actually work. Others... care less, like they have something defective. Don't be one of those.

I have autism and I have dated girls with autism and many people point fingers and say such ignorant things about how bad it is and how horrible it would be to give birth to a child knowing they would have it. That's like saying you shouldn't date a midget person (don't know the politically correct way of saying that) because you would have midget babies. Why is that bad? Life may be harder, but that doesn't mean it can't still be wondrous and beautiful! People let fear grip them too much they become intolerant and hateful.

Before, having an autistic child was really more of a rarity, usually seen as caused by something unavoidable like incest or pregnant smoking. But this was an era of ignorance. Now we have autism awareness and are breached by these accusations from the previous generation who saw autistic children as grotesque curses upon their entitled lives. Now, for some of us, it becomes very likely we will have an autistic child and they will think it's somehow our social and moral duty to never have children!

Let me put things in perspective: Look at the fully autistic, low functioning people. Really look at them. People (like many in our parents' generation) may only see headache and difficulty because they have only concerns for the parent. They don't even comprehend what the child feels. You know what I see? I see a human being who is usually happy; happier than normal people. Ever seen them in support groups? They can be the sweetest, most loving people. I actually worked with a lower functioning autistic girl in her 20s. She was slow to talk and wasn't very bright but she was the sweetest thing! I never felt like I was burdened by working alongside her. It was a shame the way her mother (my boss) treated her, they mentally abuse her and regret her, often casting off her love with annoyance and they use her at work as free labor because they are evil. But she was always so loving and blissful of the crap her mom put her through. And she did do great work too! Don't ever let someone tell you a low functioning autistic person can't learn a skill or trade well enough for employment! She was actually better at putting together campaign signs than the trailer trash punk kid they wasted money employing (briefly). That kid had nothing wrong with him other than his trash attitude and lack of maturity and that autistic girl worked twice as fast as him! I know because I clocked them!

Don't look at it like it's a chore or burden. Having an autistic child to ANY DEGREE is a blessing! It should keep you on the front end of being a motivated, well learned parent and you may come out with a child who will always love you if you do right by them.

I know it sounds mushy because we with asperger's often grow very dark and unreachable but I know that there is always a path available to all of us to walk where we tap into our love and affection. If anything, we are often cursed with sharp analytical minds that give us excuses to keep people at a distance but we have such great capacity for love that it any parent can be proud to bring into this world.

I can provide any argument, whether logical, philosophical or emotional to help you justify having your own family. You just ask and I'll give you anything you need. When you come of age, you are more than worthy of the happiness of a family. The key is the love inside you.

 

[inabox]

Both me and my son's father have aspergers. So I suppose there is a high chance that our son (nearly 2 yrs old) will have aspergers too. Before our son was born we knew that, as well as there being a chance of him having anything possible (downs syndrome, epilepsy, any illness/ disability etc etc, ), there was a chance that our son may be low functioning autistic or probably would have aspergers. At this stage I'm pretty sure our son isn't autistic because his speech and language developement has not been delayed. This was not / is not not in any way something we were/ are dreading.

Both my partner and myself were accused of being useless parents, even before our son was even born. My partner is sadly no longer alive, but I can confidently say that he would have been an absolutely brilliant parent. I love my son and he loves me and I feel we have an unspoken "connection". I do all that would be expected of me as his mother. I'm told that I do more / think more about how I do things, than other parents. Apparently it's unusual now for children to eat a healthy balanced diet (!!). Maybe this is becasue I have aspergers, I like to do things properly and I don't take "short cuts". I am aware of what is not supposed to be in food, so when you see a list of ingredients which could compare with the length of "War and Peace", I'd say that's a bad thing. I also know that a person needs to have protein, carbohydrate and fruit / vegetables in the right proportions. It seems that there are an alarming amount of people who don't seem to know this. I've taught him to say please and thank you too. Everyone who sees him thinks he's lovely, intelligent and he loves to giggle I am also told that's down to how I've brought him up. I would agree that children are not born with manners!

Yes, so I do need to go with another adult to the toddler group if possible because I don't last until the end of the group, as it gets very noisy. So I go home early and put the kettle on and the other adult comes back with my son when the group has finished and we have a cup of tea.

So, to summarise, I do not think my son is missing out on anything he needs becuase his mother has aspergers. If anything, he is better off that I have aspergers.

In my opinion I do not think that it is right to say that someone shouldn't have children because they have an ASD. People with aspergers / autism think differently, NOT wrongly! If there is someone who has aspergers and they are not a good parent, i think that's not because they have aspergers. There are parents who are really not good parents at all and they are NT. Does that mean that people say "Oh, you're NT, you shouldn't have children"?. No, people never say that. Because the pure fact that someone is NT does not make them a bad parent. Just like being aspie / autie alone does not make someone a bad parent.

 

[142857]

What an awful thing to say to your child. I have one awesome aspie kid and one awesome overachieving NT kid.

 

[Kupu2]

I have learned that my eldest probably has Asperger's and I am pretty certain my youngest has too. If they have it, then I certainly do as well. So, I am going for testing next month.

My youngest has severe haemophilia, and I have mild.

I didn't know ANY of this before I decided to have children. I didn't anticipate being a single mum either.

I'm glad I never knew all this because I'd have never had them. BUT I am forever grateful I did. My parenting style is very unique, I must say, yet my boys love me. They have brought me the most precious of life lessons and intense feelings.

Mind you, I admit, with hindsight, I could not cope alone. My mum somehow stepped in to educate my boys on aspects of life I deem irrelevant or hypocritical. NT stuff, I guess. She is the wet blanket to my hare-brained ways.

The upshot of all this - have children if you feel you want to. Pretend you know nothing of your diagnosis and act accordingly. It is really up to you. I wish you all the best.

 

[clg114]

You are right! I think that our family is the best thing that we have ever done. Family is everything!

 

[Ronin82]

I'm an Aspie, and I refuse to have kids, but that's because I have other conditions that would completely screw up a child. I don't want to be responsible for raising a kid, and i know I can't handle the sensory input that kids put out. I know this, its a decision I made (although everyone tells me I'd be a great mom), and no one else had input into this decision. Children trigger my PTSD as well as sensory overload problems, so I can't stand being around them.

The decision on whether or not to procreate is yours alone. Make an informed decision and then be the best person you can be, no matter what decision you make.

 

[Cali Cat]

Personally, I think having children at all is taking a huge risk. So many things could happen that might cause disabilities of one sort or another. Autism might be the least of it, especially if it is high functioning autism.

Having said that, I believe it is far more important for the prospective parents to understand their own capabilities and limitations. If you feel prepared (physically, emotionally and financially) to love and care for a child no matter what, then you are likely to be a good parent to a child with or without autism.

I never had children because I never wanted them, but even if I had wanted them, I would probably have chosen not to based on the criteria above. I don't feel emotionally mature enough to handle the stress of child rearing, and I always prefer to keep "one foot out the door" in all relationships. You can't do that with children, so I opted out.

 

[Mr Allen]

I want kids, I want my Nephew and Niece to have Cousins from me, but at 40 I think I'm too old for it to ever happen now, if I was destined to ever get kids it would've probably happened at least 10 years ago.

Besides which, in the extremely unlikely event I ever get a Daughter, I would like to call her Wilma, after Wilma Flintstone, or Paige, after the WWE wrestler or the Neighbours character, or even Alice, after my Grandmother.

And for a Son I'd consider Harry, after my late Granddad,

 

[Turanga Veela]

My Aspie traits have been problematic for me, but only because I was born in a time when diagnoses and resources were almost non-existent, and the people around me -- even, especially, my family -- were more prone to trying to guilt/heckle/strongarm/shame/etc. me into "normalcy."

Having a child with ASD has been challenging, yes. But I can approach it from a place of understanding. Knowing what I know, my son has been given tools to use his Asperger traits to his advantage. And these days, more often than not, he has good friendships, teachers who find him "quirky, but creative and brilliant and destined for big things" more often than "easily provoked," depth of knowledge in his interests, and I couldn't begin to imagine him not being in the world.

 

[clg114]

My Aspie traits have been problematic for me, but only because I was born in a time when diagnoses and resources were almost non-existent, and the people around me -- even, especially, my family -- were more prone to trying to guilt/heckle/strongarm/shame/etc. me into "normalcy."

Having a child with ASD has been challenging, yes. But I can approach it from a place of understanding. Knowing what I know, my son has been given tools to use his Asperger traits to his advantage. And these days, more often than not, he has good friendships, teachers who find him "quirky, but creative and brilliant and destined for big things" more often than "easily provoked," depth of knowledge in his interests, and I couldn't begin to imagine him not being in the world.

It is certainly easier to be a Aspie kid now than it was even twenty years ago. Provided that they get the consoling to enable them to learn to deal with their weaknesses and better take advantage of their considerable strengths.

 

[motherx4]

Hello. I'm too young to think of this right now really, but last night, my mom told me that I shouldn't have kids because they will most likely have autism. I have wanted a kid or two in my mind. But my mom just said this because I have been diagnosed recently. If I wasn't diagnosed, she wouldn't have said this. What is your on having children? Autism is found to have several DNA strands linked to it, which shows it is a genetic disorder, or is more likely to be passed down if you or someone else in your family has autism. I feel like I'd be fine with children. My mom was concerned about "what if the child is severely autistic" and stuff. I can function quite fine, just with difficulty in some aspects. But overall, good. Anyways, going off topic. I feel like this may have not been a good thing to say, I am unsure though. Thanks for any responses .

hello im new here i am a mom of 4 i dont know if this will make a good or bad impression but i have aspbers syndrome and i struggled so much becouse no one told me from the start but if i had known then what i know now i would have gotten fixed i am doing better now but my oldest three are with their dad in another state from me i couldnt cope with too much stress and three kids with a difffrent level of autism so i screwd up and now i have my youngest and doing a little better she has sencery syndrome and this site has made me feel like i can do this. just saying to think about what you can handle if it becomes to much think of all options before you start a family.

 

[granolaturtle]

I personally think I'm better off being an aunt to my nephews and spoiling them. Right now I just can't imagine myself having kids, but that might be because I'm young and all that.