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People do change.

GadAbout

GadAbout

Well-Known Member
I have noticed, after participating in a few online forums over a few years, that although personality structure remains fairly consistent throughout the life span, I actually do see some improvement in certain participants.

It's easy to conclude when all a person's posts seem to revolve around a specific problem, that progress will be slow to non-existent for that person. But in fact, over a span of a couple years, you do see new skills emerge and better outcomes happening. Not for everyone, true, but the fact that it happens at all is reassuring.

Most human change is incremental, meaning "baby steps," meaning you don't necessarily see anything happening in the short run. But if progress occurs in a particular direction, it may result in a better life, over time.

The people who do NOT change and grow seem to have two things in common. They can't accept any wisdom people offer, whether advice or observations. Secondly, they may just simply give up too soon. Persistence is soooooo important!
 
That's a pretty interesting take, I'm interested in what types of people seem to not change, seem to lament over the same problems for huge periods of time. I agree with your two commonalities in general, some people just seem averse to advice or don't want to put in the work to overcome, but I feel like there's a third possibility for them. That being that they are severely misunderstanding the problem, because if you don't really know what the problem is it's nearly impossible to fix it. For example, upon the discovery that I had autism I found my social skills actually improving, because now I had a reason they were so difficult in the first place and it made tackling it less daunting. Whereas before I was stuck in this feedback loop of believing I just wasn't working hard enough or I wasn't developed enough as a person, until I knew what the problem was my development was totally halted. You feel me? Sometimes I think people that don't seem to be growing are still just blind to the forces that are holding them back.
I agree persistence is important though! The value in incremental change often goes overlooked in a lot of facets of life and I'm a huge advocate for it.
 
Your wisdom proceeds you... Yes, people change and our circumstances change. Some of us just get a little stuck sometimes, and some of us flop around between being stuck and improving...

Yet at times we think we are doing really good and then something else comes along to trip us up... making sure we go sliding on our face. All I ever know to do is try and get up and move on. Sometimes these days thats really hard. But I will never give up the possibilties that I can also live a great life.

I had sort of made a really huge break throughs on a lot of stuff and I was doing very good. I was nearly afraid it was all too good to be true, and it seems maybe it was... Maybe my lack of faith was what made it all come crashing down, I'm not real sure just yet.

Now, I'm sort of messed up again, and dealing with some stuff I have never had to deal with before. I only see it as a time to rethink everything and try and figure out what my next set of options might be.

Without much warning, I have started falling and loosing my ability to walk and now they are saying I might have MS. It may have been sort of dormant in me for a long time, because like this happened once before when I was younger, but it was just sort of mystery and then it was gone??? This time its not wanting to leave so quickly.

I dont think this life likes it when I challenge my limitations, but I really have no reason not to. I am hoping this is just a flare up and it goes away and never comes back. MS is not easy to dianose or figure out... but they did find lesions in my head, and on my spine which is sort of not cool. However, I also know those can be healed and do heal in many people, so there is no way I will give up.

I'm trying not to be scared as hell, but I sort of am. I just know this too shall pass, or I will find my way around it. I always find a way, we mostly all do, we just dont see it until we look back usually. : )
 
The truth is that everything changes, including people. This is tough for people who do not like change, people like us.
 
Yes, without change, there is no progress. To be in a constant state of flux can be challenging but we evolve over time, l know donuts have really helped me evolve on a metaphorical and metaphysical level. Excuse me, l need to visit Crispy Creme to connect with my enlightened self. There is hope.
 
Chance said:
I'm trying not to be scared as hell, but I sort of am. I just know this too shall pass, or I will find my way around it. I always find a way, we mostly all do, we just dont see it until we look back usually. : )
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I'm sorry to hear of your health problems. But yes, either this will pass, or you will find your way around it. Great attitude!
 
Fino said:
I'd like to know where the idea came from that people don't change. It's silly.
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Well Fino, I'm really just reminding myself that they do (or can) change. There are a small number of forum people who in fact show no change at all; but far more, who do.
 
AnnadinNoliman said:
That's a pretty interesting take, I'm interested in what types of people seem to not change, seem to lament over the same problems for huge periods of time. I agree with your two commonalities in general, some people just seem averse to advice or don't want to put in the work to overcome, but I feel like there's a third possibility for them. That being that they are severely misunderstanding the problem, because if you don't really know what the problem is it's nearly impossible to fix it.
Click to expand...
Yes. I've tried to help people see what the problem is, and they fight back, change the subject, or let it go in one ear and out the other. I think for those folks, it takes the helper-bees leaving them alone and them wondering why they aren't getting attention any more, and why are they so STUCK, to finally wake up and smell the coffee.
 
@Chance Hope this works out for you. We all try and support you here. Believe you can overcome this and continue facing things squarely on, not backing down.
 
I've changed quite a bit since coming here for the good. But as others have said the world and everything is in flux and constantly changing, whether we choose to see it or not.
Good uplifting post, thanks.
 
GadAbout said:
Well Fino, I'm really just reminding myself that they do (or can) change. There are a small number of forum people who in fact show no change at all; but far more, who do.
Click to expand...

It made my head hurt when I tried to figure out what I came across as implying but I have a feeling something was inferred from my post that I didn't intend, so I'll just say that I didn't mean it as a statement direclty related to you but that I've often heard "people don't change," throughout my life and I don't understand why so many people seem to believe that, which is all to say that I agree with you that people do change.
 
Well, yes, of course people can learn. It would be quite silly to have all those schools and universities cluttering up the place if they couldn't. :p

I'm wary of other people's "wisdom," though. Other people certainly have had experiences you haven't, and those can be highly useful to consider for context - especially if you suffer from some autistic tunnel vision. But what works for one person, in one situation, rarely works for another person in a different situation.

Persistence is certainly key, though. It's one of the few things I have going for me.
 
I've heard the phrase
'A leopard can't change it's spots'

I understand that to mean the basics wont change. At a genetic level.

sure, knowledge and understanding offers choice. choosing to make small changes.

we can be open to the idea that a different perception will offer a different experience of the same problem, or not.

and we can learn to help ourselves.

as a whole, I'm not sure we do change that much.

We can most certainly change the way we think about things though
 
People's core personality traits don't change, but other aspects that affect their personality can change. Their attitude towards life or towards overcoming a problem. Their self-realisation or awareness, which can lead to the development of coping strategies. Their attitude towards life and overcoming problems.

Mental health problems are quite common, especially on forums like this one. Depression and anxiety can greatly affect a person't personality and attitude towards life. When a depressed person is able to overcome their depression, that in turn will affect both their general attitude and the way the interact with others in a positive way.
 
We can change! Neuroplasticity is a thing every human has.. but let’s be honest it isn’t just a willingness not to change, it is difficult for people with ASD to do so and it takes more time.

If NT would be more understanding and work with us, we could gradually change over time. Please don’t cause us more anxiety by pushing it to happen quickly.
 
@Ken

A Zen master visiting New York City goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."
The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen master, who pays with a $20 bill.
The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. "Excuse me, but where’s my change?" asks the Zen master.
The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."
 
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