Over-talking?

[Judge]

I can't help but wonder how many Aspies get sucked into the vortex of a "pregnant pause". Where abrupt silence becomes a void we may be compelled to fill. I've been guilty of that at times. But just getting me to open up at first can be daunting, where otherwise I'm one of those persons who hardly says a word.

So sometimes I laugh at the prospect of us all meeting one another in person. I'm inclined to think I'm so much better in print than in person. Otherwise I'm quite capable of saying too much, or too little.

 

[Berianireth]

I do both. I prefer to be quiet but when I feel begged for my two cents I usually talk stupidly at people until they're practically ready to die. It ends up hurting my feelings too. Wish I could find a better method... lol

 

[Slothra]

I overtalk to the point where I become self-conscious, and wonder if the other person's lack of response is my fault. It's something I've had a very difficult time with recently, to be quite honest.

 

[Progster]

I'm the opposite, I hardly talk at all. I talk out of necessity, not because I enjoy it. It's a huge effort to talk and I tend to live in my head. I keep it to myself and I don't share it with other people, I have no particular interest in communicating with them unless necessary.

 

[clg114]

I'm the opposite, I hardly talk at all. I talk out of necessity, not because I enjoy it. It's a huge effort to talk and I tend to live in my head. I keep it to myself and I don't share it with other people, I have no particular interest in communicating with them unless necessary.

I'm the same way. I do not say anything unless I have something to say and very few people are interested in what I have to say. I understand what you mean about living in your head, my mind is my biggest source of entertainment.

 

[Ylva]

The problem is more that the other person rarely knows what to say – whereas I know exactly how the conversation should go.

 

[Harrison]

If I'm comfortable with people, or if it's my special interest, I can talk non stop. Had to develope a whole new way of circular breathing so I don't pass out

 

[CaveDweller]

On a one to one I can talk and talk but more than one person and I am usually very quiet. I just feel more uptight and self conscious for some reason.

 

[Greg]

I have a tendency of doing this at times. I will go into extensive detail on subjects and lose whoever I am talking to. Once I see a glazed over look I will stop.

 

[NTgirl4276]

i'm glad to have stumbled upon this thread! i'm a chatty NT, but i am also a good listener and tend to enjoy balanced conversations. i've been a little worried lately because my Aspie friend is a quiet. on some days, he's very conversational, and on others, he seems to withdraw a bit. he has never monologued (at least, not with me), and i don't think i'd mind it if he did--i'm interested in anything and everything he has to say.

still, i'm not concerned or bothered by how quiet he is. i'm more worried that i ask TOO MANY questions, in my attempts to keep the conversation going! for those here who don't like to talk so much (Progster and clg114 , your posts jumped out at me, in particular), do you tend to actively avoid situations/people who compel you to engage in ongoing conversation? would you prefer comfortable silence when spending time with a friend or partner? are there any signals you give to let OTHERS know to be quiet?

 

[clg114]

i'm glad to have stumbled upon this thread! i'm a chatty NT, but i am also a good listener and tend to enjoy balanced conversations. i've been a little worried lately because my Aspie friend is a quiet. on some days, he's very conversational, and on others, he seems to withdraw a bit. he has never monologued (at least, not with me), and i don't think i'd mind it if he did--i'm interested in anything and everything he has to say.

still, i'm not concerned or bothered by how quiet he is. i'm more worried that i ask TOO MANY questions, in my attempts to keep the conversation going! for those here who don't like to talk so much (Progster and clg114 , your posts jumped out at me, in particular), do you tend to actively avoid situations/people who compel you to engage in ongoing conversation? would you prefer comfortable silence when spending time with a friend or partner? are there any signals you give to let OTHERS know to be quiet?

My problem is that I find small talk very, very boring and a waste of time. If I'm going to be in a conversation, I want it to be about something. I don't care if the other person does most of the talking. I can still be in the conversation, even if it's just to learn something. When I am talking about something that I am interested in, I have to be careful not to take over the conversation and lose the attention of who ever I'm talking to. Very few people are interested in the same things that I am.

 

[Progster]

i'm glad to have stumbled upon this thread! i'm a chatty NT, but i am also a good listener and tend to enjoy balanced conversations. i've been a little worried lately because my Aspie friend is a quiet. on some days, he's very conversational, and on others, he seems to withdraw a bit. he has never monologued (at least, not with me), and i don't think i'd mind it if he did--i'm interested in anything and everything he has to say.

still, i'm not concerned or bothered by how quiet he is. i'm more worried that i ask TOO MANY questions, in my attempts to keep the conversation going! for those here who don't like to talk so much (Progster and clg114 , your posts jumped out at me, in particular), do you tend to actively avoid situations/people who compel you to engage in ongoing conversation? would you prefer comfortable silence when spending time with a friend or partner? are there any signals you give to let OTHERS know to be quiet?

I become overwhelmed and get very tired with constant questions, and yes, I tend to avoid that kind of situation, or I need a break from it after a short while. As cig114 says, small talk is boring and hard going and I need the conversation to be about something. It the topic of conversation is about something that interests me, I can have a very lively discussion and become very talkative, if not, I have the tendency to withdraw into myself, become impatient or switch off and return to my natural state. It's not that I wish to be rude and I have nothing personal against the person, this is just how I am.

 

[113]

I'm extremely quiet unless someone asks me about an interest. Then I can talk a lot.

I find that the best way to know whether they are interested or not is to stop after a short while and let them set the direction of the conversation. Do they ask a question that indicates they want more information now? Or are they just saying things like yes and no and playing with their car keys while looking at the door? If they aren't asking me questions, I assume they aren't interested.

Silence doesn't bother me. If it seems awkward, ask them questions to get them talking about themselves. The other people are almost always going to like talking about themselves more than they are going to like listening.

I do a lot of work to put myself in situations with people who have similar interests, because then I know it's okay to ramble on about the topic. Currently, I do that by organizing a computer programming club. Meetup.com is good for this...

 

[clg114]

There is one really common situation that I get into where I have to tell myself to shut up. I am a field service tech. When I finish with a job and go to get my paper work signed, the customer sometimes asks "What was wrong?". So I tell them, until I notice that they are uncomfortable and have know idea what I'm talking about. If they didn't want to know, why did they ask?

 

[NTgirl4276]

My problem is that I find small talk very, very boring and a waste of time. If I'm going to be in a conversation, I want it to be about something.

I become overwhelmed and get very tired with constant questions, and yes, I tend to avoid that kind of situation, or I need a break from it after a short while. As cig114 says, small talk is boring and hard going and I need the conversation to be about something. It the topic of conversation is about something that interests me, I can have a very lively discussion and become very talkative, if not, I have the tendency to withdraw into myself, become impatient or switch off and return to my natural state. It's not that I wish to be rude and I have nothing personal against the person, this is just how I am.

makes perfect sense! thanks for replying, both of you!

 

[Suzanne]

Oh, how I know that feeling! I am so aware of others reactions that I can tell when I have talked too much.

Strange though, because when I think I am not talking too much, I apparently am and when I think I am talking too much, I am told I am not!

Just sunday, I was chatting with someone and suddenly, she reaches out and grabs someone who was passing by and says to me: sorry but I just want to say hi. I felt so embarrassed and said: hey don't worry, I will leave you to chat and made sure I had a huge smile going on, but the reality was I felt hurt.

My problem seems to be that when I am asked something, I cannot seem to highlight; it feels that I have to start from the beginning so that the asker knows what I am talking about!

 

[karen70]

Quite an old post, but caught my attention.

I can totally relate. I think because my story never seems to change, I too have to go back to the start and explain the importance of 'now' and 'then', to me it could be a massive deal that I've just hit on like a massive discovery in finding a piece of the puzzle to who I am, i'll get excited at the find and want to scream it from the rooftops, but I am then seen as bragging, griping, or just generally being inconsiderate of others.

Likewise I can be fearful of uncertainties to the point by where it drives me insane with needing 'proof' so that I can accept someones reason as to how I feel I have been treated or cheated on etc, then in the never ending search of just 'needing to know for sure' whether I've been wound up or not, I've then been accused of not being trusting/hurting others feelings/being unreasonable etc.

Gut instinct.... jeez, this is the most tormenting thing in the world for me. When you're being called paranoid yet you 'know' that 'you have witnessed something' for example.... Yet you're being told 'that's not how it is'.

I proudly declare that I am currently in isolation. I'm following my own gut, I am not allowing others **** to engulf my life with uncertainties and i'm concentrating on me for a while.

I just wish I could find some get up and go.

 

[Beverly]

I don't talk too much anymore, but that's because of years in the entertainment industry and, dealing with the media. Feed those sharks too much and, they will take an ounce of too much and turn it into two tons of shite about you, 75% of which is lies. I've learned to stick to a wave and, idle banter unless asked a question the it's either "I can't comment on that right now." or I give the bare minimal information. "We plan to release our next album this summer." (no giving exact dates or even the planned month, no telling what songs will be on the album, no mentioning what we are working on in the studio, nothing like that.) And I NEVER give anyone outside my inner circle any personal stories or information at all, period, never.

I've learned to be very good at nodding and murmuring with an occasional "That's interesting" "I didn't know that." "How wonderful for you." "well, that's good." tossed in and leave the conversation at that. Let them think I am paying attention, hearing them while my brain is off contemplating the song I'm writing, our next venue, a new stage set up, a pyrotechnics change, a redo of an old track, what's for dinner later, etc...

Now among my inner circle, yeah, I tend to run off at the mouth with information verbal diarrhea a lot but, they're used to it and just shake their heads and chuckle at me, and let me go until I've said all I want to say. Now and then they actually listen to all of it LOL.

 

[karen70]

I don't talk too much anymore, but that's because of years in the entertainment industry and, dealing with the media. Feed those sharks too much and, they will take an ounce of too much and turn it into two tons of shite about you, 75% of which is lies. I've learned to stick to a wave and, idle banter unless asked a question the it's either "I can't comment on that right now." or I give the bare minimal information. "We plan to release our next album this summer." (no giving exact dates or even the planned month, no telling what songs will be on the album, no mentioning what we are working on in the studio, nothing like that.) And I NEVER give anyone outside my inner circle any personal stories or information at all, period, never.

I've learned to be very good at nodding and murmuring with an occasional "That's interesting" "I didn't know that." "How wonderful for you." "well, that's good." tossed in and leave the conversation at that. Let them think I am paying attention, hearing them while my brain is off contemplating the song I'm writing, our next venue, a new stage set up, a pyrotechnics change, a redo of an old track, what's for dinner later, etc...

Now among my inner circle, yeah, I tend to run off at the mouth with information verbal diarrhea a lot but, they're used to it and just shake their heads and chuckle at me, and let me go until I've said all I want to say. Now and then they actually listen to all of it LOL.

I'm intrigued and being in brave mode (typing), what kind of songs do you write/sing? Hope you don't mind me asking.

 

[Beverly]

I'm intrigued and being in brave mode (typing), what kind of songs do you write/sing? Hope you don't mind me asking.

I perform and write Metal. I also write electronica, pop, rock ballads, rockabilly, hip hop and, British folk rock. Then I do a few for one client who's music can only be described as his own style. he's harder to write for but, I've been doing some of his since the late 1980's so we get on well and, I know what he likes. it's a bit of a mix of flaming social problems set to electronic rock/jazz/pop/British Folk all mixed up or, he likes humorous songs, like ones about changing his accent and wearing jewelry on his genitalia LOL. (best one we ever colabed on) Mark Cottrell - he has a SoundCloud if your interested Ex-Zoom is the collab I mention and, I think South In Your Mouth is still up too.