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Over-talking?

Occasional_Demon

Occasional_Demon

Well-Known Member
I was just wondering if others get the same issue...

When I'm very comfortable with people, I tend to talk a lot. Especially about my interests - i.e. about guitars, Aussie Rules football, Jethro Tull, Metallica. I find once I get started, I have a lot of problem stopping, and it usually takes a lot of unsubtle cuing from others before I finally get the message that they are bored/have no idea what I'm talking about/all of the above and stop. It requires a lot of self-control for me to stop, and sometimes it takes several attempts from other people to make me stop before I finally get the message. My boyfriend, for instance, has taken to just telling me repeatedly to "shut up" because he's found that sometimes it's the only way he can get through to me when I'm in the midst of a monologue.
 
I know people who have the same issue, and I get pretty affected - but why not install a timer to beep when we talk too much
 
Yes, it is a very common aspie/autistic thing to monologue. I try to be aware of it but I still do it.
 
I find I just get really caught up in whatever it is I'm talking about, and the subject basically takes me away. If I think about it afterwards, then I can see where I went wrong, but I have problems curbing myself in the heat of the moment.
 
That is the very reason I obtained the nickname jabber jaws, so I can definitely relate. I'm not as bad as I was in my youth, but internally I find my thought racing with information I would love to interject and just have to keep repeating to myself to be quiet and listen, they'll ask if they want your opinion. Sometimes though, I just have to say "I know you didn't ask but I have to say....". Then I try to do my best keeping it short and to the point, but it really gives me a headache and is why being around people is fatiguing. It is like I'm having one conversation out-loud and several internally.
 
My husband does this all the time. He get angry with his friends when they interrupt and loose interest...
 
I'm the exact opposite, sort of. I usually want to talk but fail to say everything I want to. This may be the result of social anxiety though.. I am very passive when in conversation, I let others lead.
 
I have the same issue. Even when I was young (my nickname was "motor mouth") I would start talking about something and have to be told to stop. I still have difficulty especially when it's a topic of extreme interest. I just have to try hard to keep it short.
 
Occasional_Demon said:
I find I just get really caught up in whatever it is I'm talking about, and the subject basically takes me away. If I think about it afterwards, then I can see where I went wrong, but I have problems curbing myself in the heat of the moment.
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This is exactly what I do. I talk to much about the thing I am most interested in. Or if I have some knowledge on a subject posed by another, I find I can't keep my mouth shut. I find myself in the middle of some lengthy dialogue without having a clue about how I got there or what my point was. I expect the listener may indeed wonder similar. I don't mean to do it. It just comes flowing out, and, then by the time I realise I feel completely stupid for rambling on at them and not getting to the point. Lately I have resorted to internally censoring myself, containing knowledge (much harder than I thought), and not letting anything out for fear of rambling on. Hmm, perhaps if I just shut up long enough they will stop talking and go away....
 
I will over talk about my interests if and only if I am comfortable around the person or people. If not then I tend to be a mute I won't say anything at all or very small amounts. But look out if I am talkign to people that I know I will go on and on about my dolls and what I am getting next and what decisions i have made and usually people will actually have to say to me I am bored, or That's enough I don't want to hear about this anymore before I usually stop.
 
That is me EXACTLY. Direct communication is the only thing that works for me as well. I tell those closest to me to use a clue that I understand so I will know (no guesswork). They say, "OK, We Get It", and I know.
I also will tell people that I have Autism, and that I tend to ramble on about things, so please feel free to stop me if I start to do this. I would appreciate it.
 
Peace said:
That is me EXACTLY. Direct communication is the only thing that works for me as well. I tell those closest to me to use a clue that I understand so I will know (no guesswork). They say, "OK, We Get It", and I know.
I also will tell people that I have Autism, and that I tend to ramble on about things, so please feel free to stop me if I start to do this. I would appreciate it.
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I also have certain people give me a agreed upon signal so I know when to "shut up". :happy:
 
Arashi222 said:
I will over talk about my interests if and only if I am comfortable around the person or people. If not then I tend to be a mute I won't say anything at all or very small amounts.
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This is how I am, very mute but then when I get to know someone I will go on and on about stuff.
 
jaws said:
That is the very reason I obtained the nickname jabber jaws, so I can definitely relate. I'm not as bad as I was in my youth, but internally I find my thought racing with information I would love to interject and just have to keep repeating to myself to be quiet and listen, they'll ask if they want your opinion. Sometimes though, I just have to say "I know you didn't ask but I have to say....". Then I try to do my best keeping it short and to the point, but it really gives me a headache and is why being around people is fatiguing. It is like I'm having one conversation out-loud and several internally.
Click to expand...
What are suggestions for others (NTs or not, but myself being an NT) to let you know that the audience is losing interest and to shorten the talking?
 
It isn't that I want to monopolize the conversation, but I always have lots of facts that I feel I must state. I can't understand why people are satisfied to fluff through a discussion and skip delving into interesting details.
 
hmmm...."interesting details" vs "fluff".....
Good brain fodder: one person loves cats and cat videos, the next loves guns.
And, that is a big huge GREY definition of what "interesting" is. I have always joked that "interesting" is the cop-out non-comment on something, since it is not positive nor negative and really doesn't describe anything.
I get small talk and it's purpose in some ways (work situations, meeting friend's friends, etc....I guess the pass-by relations that will rarely become more than that).
And, I get the frustration with what it is on the opposing side. I prefer "real" talk (but maybe the small talk is a bridge to sometimes get to that....just typing my brain unfiltered since I need to hit 'send' and get my daughter to bed)

I suppose what "is interesting" for each person is truly that: interesting for each person. However, I will certainly agree that there is a ton of 'fluff' conversation. I'm an NT, and while I have absolutely engaged in 'small talk', I guess it fills it's purpose for work, casual relations, etc. But for me, I prefer the 'real' talk vs 'filler'.

I have an just-begun interest with a person whom I believe is on the Aspie spectrum, and in the few interactions with other people, I have seen them take his "monologues" or "longer-stated-opinions" in a negative way (one comment was that he was an opinionated control freak, when, even before I considered the idea of Aspergers, I just took it that he had a very strong interest and knowledge, and I was patient with his longer decscription).

I guess going back to my question (maybe a different branch on this forum reply), is how does someone (politely) let an Aspie know if the general audience/crowd is getting tired of a monologue? (although not really me.....I'm very patient, and always tend to listen to those speaking with passion).
 
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