Online personality versus offline personality

[Progster]

Is your online personality the same as your offline personality? I feel that I'm a lot more talkative and confident in expressing myself and participating in discussions online than I am offline, even though I still find it hard to approach and engage with people directly. I'm more outgoing, more 'talkative' online. Offline, I'm not very talkative and don't engage in or start conversations, and don't have much confidence and actual talking is a huge effort. I've always considered myself a very introverted person, but I often wonder about how much having Asperger's is impacting my personality, and how my personality would be different if I didn't have it.

 

[Chance]

I am extremely more open and talkative on here... I also think it has helped me tremendously. I was so closed off for so long and people have noticed that I do interact a little more and I think it is due to interacting with all you cool people... I woke up happy... Tomorrow I might give a totally different example... who knows?

In real life I am mostly a happy go lightly guy, but I don’t say much AT ALL. I have spent a lot of my life setting things up so I don’t have to interact with people very much.

I will work different hours or days to avoid people as much as I can. Even though I am the GM at work most all my communication is by email, text, or leaving people lists of things we need to get done.

I don’t hang out much at all, but at times I will be slightly social in short bursts and then go on my way.

 

[Suzanne]

Absolutely and why, I had to stop chatting online to ones I see face to face, because I just could not speak and it was very embarrassing to me.

Thinking about it, I have found nts who are rather mediocre online, are friendly offline.

I could easily do all my conversations online ie socialising online, because one has time to think and not the shame of trying to find what to say.

 

[Lula1989]

I sometimes am only on here for about an hour or two talking to people, which would be the equivalent of how many hours during the work day I talk to people (likely a little less). Mainly at work I am speaking during collaborative projects or making sure communication flows, rather than being a social butterfly like I do on chat. I am able to express my opinions better here, and I don't feel shy or get awkward typing up a length paragraph about my thoughts. Real life I would not go into so much detail, because when I have I get looked at like I am strange or they get bored.

So I probably spend the same amount of hours online chatting as I do in real life, but the conversation structure is way different.

Previous to this job I would say I talked far, far less at work. But it is needed for me to speak more at my current job. Outside of work when I am outside of my home I rarely talk to people

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Great topic.

For much of my life I had a fear of being judged or humiliated so that affected my interactions with people.
Carrying forward times when i was judged and humiliated, ie doing the work of bad people for them so they could take some time off!

On here, for me, people seem to let people be who they are - for the most part.

Online - interpersonal habits don't count, bad days are more easily hidden, there isnt pressure to respond in real time.
Topics can be random and interesting.

I am trying to bring this person into the real world but also realize i can be naive,vulnerable so i will still need a 'face' but its learning just to spend time with people that matter.
Dont have many of those.
And also, offline, my conversations work best when I'm with people where i can be mad,random,funny, childish, 300 years old within the space of 15 seconds.

Not much small talk, i can dry up. Most people have a time limit.
I can now count two offlines who don't wear me down, so thats not too bad.

I also consider myself introverted but I am interested in people and their stories, but often the way people tell their stories - kill me now-

Good topic and central to the existence of many round these parts, i feel.

 

[Progster]

I don’t hang out much at all, but at times I will be slightly social in short bursts and then go on my way

Same here. As I said, talking isn't my thing. It takes a huge effort and is exhausting. I have a job where I need to talk a lot, and I'm exhausted afterwards. I keep hearing this stereotype that Aspies talk non-stop for hours about their special interests and perhaps some are like that, but I'm not. I don't share much with others offline and keep myself to myself, I share much more online.

Absolutely and why, I had to stop chatting online to ones I see face to face, because I just could not speak and it was very embarrassing to me.

I don't have very many people I can talk to offline, and that's part of the reason why I talk more online... I need to have some sort of outlet for self-expression, and it also helps me process stuff going on in my life... it's like a saftety valve.

For much of my life I had a fear of being judged or humiliated so that affected my interactions with people.

Same here, many of us have faced similar issues and it is inevitable that this is going to impact our personality - this is the reason I find it so hard to open up to people, low confidence, low self-esteem - I wish to protect myself and fear exposure. I also feel more confident here than I do on NT forums, I know I'm not going to be criticised for infodumping, nobody is going to judge me or call me weird just for having a non-conventional opinion on something.

Online - interpersonal habits don't count, bad days are more easily hidden, there isnt pressure to respond in real time.
Topics can be random and interesting.

Yes, exactly - I've written elsewhere that I find it really hard to join in conversations in real time because I don't process all the information fast enough, and I always fall behind and end up not speaking/bothering. Here I feel that I have a voice.

 

[Chance]

Here I feel that I have a voice

I think that sums up anything I could ever write in a million words...

 

[OkRad]

I love this topic. It is very thoughtful. I agree.

FOr me, it's the physcial. I have a terrible time with the idea of bodies because I am very very much in my head . It is not that I am particularly ugly, but small and out of it. I don't dress like other people and apparently I scurry about......

I don't wear makeup and am not into fashion, but am into ideas. That is great in your 20's but not so great later than 35.

NTs are shallow and age pitifully shallow. Roomate (NT) said yesterday it's ALL ABOUT MONEY. I said, what about ideas and knowledge? BLANK STARE. sad face.

I would rather have Homer than high heels, and that is just the truth of it. I used to sport high heels, but it just got in wrangled up in NTs which never ends well.

The only way my offline and online could merge would be in a world where ideas and feelings and emotions and seeing inside a person matched the outside.

Short of that? Hermit for me. A hermit who loves Homer.

 

[OkRad]

I would just add that my inside and outside do not match at all. I think a few times they have and that was cool, but took so much effort. It is very hard to have an inside and outside that are so different!!

 

[Gritches]

It's about the same, with a couple differences.

1) I talk more IRL. In any written form, you have to be aware of the TL;DR (too long, did not read) Effect. Sure, some people will read the entire book you write, but you'll get more readers with a better comprehension of your point if you're clear, concise, and to-the-point. IRL, the same does apply, but to a lesser degree since people tend to prefer non-silence over silence, so filling the air with talky-words just makes you seem more outgoing.

2) No body language online. I use exaggerated, over-the-top body language that makes me really intense to talk to, apparently. I also follow the general rule of staying in motion while talking. It's sort of like how magicians will use their hands while pattering to distract a mark while they use sleight of hand. If you keep your hands moving while you talk, your audience will be literally almost unable to take their eyes off you, which means you'll hold their attention even if you stumble or need to stall while speaking. This is opposed to being a "talking statue"; people don't listen to "talking statue"s.

But even though the "how" will inevitably differ between online and IRL, the "what" - the message, including my beliefs, opinions, and attitudes - stays the same.

 

[Progster]

I would rather have Homer than high heels

I like this, and agree - perhaps not Homer, but knowledge, certainly. I think that many people (NTs) do have the capability to think and look beyond the surface, but don't apply it, because social protocol often dictates superficiality (in the form of small talk, etc.). They place more value on social standing than acquiring knowledge.

If you keep your hands moving while you talk, your audience will be literally almost unable to take their eyes off you, which means you'll hold their attention even if you stumble or need to stall while speaking. This is opposed to being a "talking statue"; people don't listen to "talking statue"s.

I hadn't really thought about his, but you are right. I could do a lot to improve my body language. I'm very stiff and don't use body language to communicate. It's not something I ever mastered. I really don't know what to do with my hands when I'm talking and I tend to stim a lot. Luckily, I work online, so I don't face these issue in my work and get away with being kind of stiff (I think).

 

[OkRad]

It's about the same, with a couple differences.

1) I talk more IRL. In any written form, you have to be aware of the TL;DR (too long, did not read) Effect. Sure, some people will read the entire book you write, but you'll get more readers with a better comprehension of your point if you're clear, concise, and to-the-point. IRL, the same does apply, but to a lesser degree since people tend to prefer non-silence over silence, so filling the air with talky-words just makes you seem more outgoing.

2) No body language online. I use exaggerated, over-the-top body language that makes me really intense to talk to, apparently. I also follow the general rule of staying in motion while talking. It's sort of like how magicians will use their hands while pattering to distract a mark while they use sleight of hand. If you keep your hands moving while you talk, your audience will be literally almost unable to take their eyes off you, which means you'll hold their attention even if you stumble or need to stall while speaking. This is opposed to being a "talking statue"; people don't listen to "talking statue"s.

But even though the "how" will inevitably differ between online and IRL, the "what" - the message, including my beliefs, opinions, and attitudes - stays the same.

That is totally interesting!! I think I used to do that a lot. Everyone said I was "animated" but I tried to tone it down beause as I got older, I noticed people began to back away slowly. I could engage people when I was younger. Maybe it was just the Train Wreck Scenerio. What is it with this oddster? But now? ummmm........Old Freak. Young freaks are interesting. Not that you are a freak, but I was indeed.

I often debate to post a video here from my YT page, because I do pull it off, but it takes a lot of effort. If I were some hideous congressman, I could roll out of bed and do it. They look like frogs and no one cares. But if a female doesn't even SMILE let alone do all the other things, she's is just a waste.

So I am an old waste in the eyes of the world, and am told that in various ways every single day.........except here. I really like it here. Safe place.

 

[WildCat]

No. Nope. Nothing similar to it at all, this is me without "the mask". It's fortunate to be able to come to a place where I can get it out and "be myself" to an extent, but unfortunately this isn't close to representative of what I'm like away from the screen.

 

[Chance]

It's about the same, with a couple differences.

1) I talk more IRL. In any written form, you have to be aware of the TL;DR (too long, did not read) Effect. Sure, some people will read the entire book you write, but you'll get more readers with a better comprehension of your point if you're clear, concise, and to-the-point. IRL, the same does apply, but to a lesser degree since people tend to prefer non-silence over silence, so filling the air with talky-words just makes you seem more outgoing.

2) No body language online. I use exaggerated, over-the-top body language that makes me really intense to talk to, apparently. I also follow the general rule of staying in motion while talking. It's sort of like how magicians will use their hands while pattering to distract a mark while they use sleight of hand. If you keep your hands moving while you talk, your audience will be literally almost unable to take their eyes off you, which means you'll hold their attention even if you stumble or need to stall while speaking. This is opposed to being a "talking statue"; people don't listen to "talking statue"s.

But even though the "how" will inevitably differ between online and IRL, the "what" - the message, including my beliefs, opinions, and attitudes - stays the same.

I am mostly a non- talking statue... So thats why people never see me.... : )

I stand there with my fists closed to keep my fingers from doing this weird thing they like to do (tapping my palms)... Anyone who knows me at any level, knows that means I'm very nervous about my surroundings... Its actually a sign that its time for me to get out of that, because if I cant control that... Other stuff is about to follow... Geez.

I suck at my own body language and study everyone else's. I try so hard and can do pretty good in short bursts, but in my head I am worried over every word coming out my mouth, the way I am standing, the fact that I hate looking people in the eye (but know I need too)... Its just a total train wreck, when I truly want to just relax and have a meaningful conversation... Why cant I do that for longer than just a few minutes?

 

[LucyPurrs]

I'm much more talkative here than irl. I think it's because many of you are so open to expressing inner thoughts and feelings and are so honest about it. I've never done small talk. I'm fine with teamwork if work calls for it, but generally don't like hanging out with more than one person at a time. Have only had just a very few really close friends with no desire for more. People here are more willing to be accepting of differences which I like too. And some of you are funny as hell which I love. Sometimes I feel I am talking too much here, especially as I am an NT but I do feel like I have things in common with many of you and that feels very comfortable.

 

[LucyPurrs]

I am mostly a non- talking statue... So thats why people never see me.... : )

I stand there with my fists closed to keep my fingers from doing this weird thing they like to do (tapping my palms)... Anyone who knows me at any level, knows that means I'm very nervous about my surroundings... Its actually a sign that its time for me to get out of that, because if I cant control that... Other stuff is about to follow... Geez.

I suck at my own body language and study everyone else's. I try so hard and can do pretty good in short bursts, but in my head I am worried over every word coming out my mouth, the way I am standing, the fact that I hate looking people in the eye (but know I need too)... Its just a total train wreck, when I truly want to just relax and have a meaningful conversation... Why cant I do that for longer than just a few minutes?

Gosh I would think it would be pretty damn hard to relax and just have a meaningful conversation if you didn't feel your real you was fully accepted and valued.

 

[Chance]

Gosh I would think it would be pretty damn hard to relax and just have a meaningful conversation if you didn't feel your real you was fully accepted and valued.

My value to other people and my non-acceptance as a kid (though I did grow out of tons of it) was not much...

From probably age 14-20 my life exploded into me being able to start experiencing LIFE, but before that I was stuck... Never saying it was good at all, (some of it was), but I somehow crawled out of my head and into LIFE... Mostly before I was Locked inside myself, maybe as a shear safety measure, not sure.

I have never felt I had much (or any) value, or a reason to live, and mostly wondered around for a long time wondering why I was ever born, or why I lived when they said I might not make it...

Not much there sometimes except a lot of hope (which is a beggar), and some dreams I mostly keep to myself... Still in that LIFE is basically kind to me these days,
or thats how I chose to see it, maybe. : )

 

[LucyPurrs]

My value to other people and my non-acceptance as a kid (though I did grow out of tons of it) was not much...

From probably age 14-20 my life exploded into me being able to start experiencing LIFE, but before that I was stuck... Never saying it was good at all, (some of it was), but I somehow crawled out of my head and into LIFE... Mostly before I was Locked inside myself, maybe as a shear safety measure, not sure.

I have never felt I had much (or any) value, or a reason to live, and mostly wondered around for a long time wondering why I was ever born, or why I lived when they said I might not make it...

Not much there sometimes except a lot of hope (which is a beggar), and some dreams I mostly keep to myself... Still in that LIFE is basically kind to me these days,
or thats how I chose to see it, maybe. : )

Wow Chance, I think you are an amazing person. No value? OMG, you are so honest , insightful and caring compared to 99% of the people I've ever encountered. Even on this forum I feel you stand out as a profoundly good person. That is not meant to be offensive to others here but is an honest expression of how I see you. Wish you could read your posts as if you were someone else and maybe you'd understand what I mean. I hope that others here see your value also and will express this to you. Your self-image is very distorted, understandably so given your experiences.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Wow Chance, I think you are an amazing person. No value? OMG, you are so honest , insightful and caring compared to 99% of the people I've ever encountered. Even on this forum I feel you stand out as a profoundly good person. That is not meant to be offensive to others here but is an honest expression of how I see you. Wish you could read your posts as if you were someone else and maybe you'd understand what I mean. I hope that others here see your value also and will express this to you. Your self-image is very distorted, understandably so given your experiences.

Don't encourage him

 

[Suzanne]

I don't have very many people I can talk to offline, and that's part of the reason why I talk more online... I need to have some sort of outlet for self-expression, and it also helps me process stuff going on in my life... it's like a saftety valve.

Same here!