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I'm so sorry you went through this at work! I also went through similar circumstances at work. I don't understand why many people are so inauthentic. Trying to understand, I started to learn about narcissistic abuse. It taught me about the "masks" toxic people wear and the games they play to get ahead (gaslighting, smear campaigns, etc.). These toxic people are often the ones who work their way to the top deceptively. Seems to me like the more authentic, unsuspecting, honest person on the spectrum is often an easy target. I wish that the workplace was more about quality work than these toxic social "games".I'm posting this as a reflection of the last several months where I was basically bullied out of a job by some high ranking social people at work.
I was the obvious target of some passive aggressive and also some blatant shows of disrespect, making my job and socializing/getting along with coworkers difficult.
I'm not everyone's cup of tea personally I'm sure, I'm socially awkward and have narrow interests, bad at small talk etc. But I'm kind, polite, helpful, intelligent and have good work productivity. I really was struggling with the "why" I became such a weighted target. I've struggled with it for months, and it took a lot out of my self confidence and self esteem.
I've been processing this a lot. What is it that classed me at the bottom of the social ranking system? What was so inherently wrong with me that I was treated in such ways as you might treat someone who is offensively obtuse, rude, lazy, etc? Being on the spectrum has certainly made being on the outside and not being able to connect with people/make friends the norm, but never in my life was I treated with such disdain and disrespect. It really messed with my head.
I think, it boils down to dishonesty. Just, the social system itself is set up to be dishonest. People say they value traits such as honesty, kindness, integrity, altruism, etc but it's really not true. Because when it comes to bullies, it's the more aggressive that move up the rank. And you only move up in rank by showing that you are okay with stepping on others. But these socially aggressive are the people who become popular, the ones that most seek out for friendship and binding and clique forming. Not those who possess the qualities in which we as a human race SAY that we value.
I realized, it's not that I'm a bad person, I'm not lazy or dishonest or rude, I didn't do anything to put myself in that situation except for refusing to be like them. I wouldn't partake when they were relentlessly chastising someone behind their back, or agree with their chosen ostrisization of others based on arbitrary social rules that don't make sense. And since I didn't want to throw the darts, I became the target. I've lived by the rule that humans value the things they say they value. Things I value in friendship/social situations as well. When I wound up so undeniably in the human refuse section of the social hierarchy, I couldn't help but feel like I'd failed at those valuable traits. Why else would they hate me so much?
For months I'd come home defeated that not only must I be this awful person, but also that my self awareness is so poor that I couldn't figure out what it was that made me so awful.
But it's not me. It's them. They lie about what they value. Being honest, loyal, hardworking, a good person does not mean that you will be socially accepted. And not being socially accepted does NOT make you a bad person.
I left that work situation and I'm finally able to look at it with some clarity. I made this account just to post this here to get others insights and to see if perhaps my conclusion might help someone else going through the same situation.