Sheogorath
Well-Known Member
I have never been in a relationship before. I've had feelings for people and people have had feelings for me; but I either suppress my own feelings or turn people down who show interest in me. And the weird thing is that I do want a relationship, it's just that I see it as this vague romanticised plan for the future. A (probably fictional) future in which I've fixed what's wrong with me and I can commit to someone effortlessly. But now the thought of a relationship frightens me, and I try to stay away from it altogether.
I think there are several problems:
I don't even know what my question is, or if I have one at all. I just wanted to get this off my chest.
I think there are several problems:
- I am very emotional an would not be able to cope with a break up. I think this would actually scar me emotionally, which would confirm my anxiety and would damage me more than staying single ever could. It's why I seem to wait until I run into someone that I am absolutely certain about. I take no chances because I think the consequences would be too big.
- I feel like I am looking at the world from behind a glass window. As if there will forever be a distance between myself and others, and this also stops me from really getting close to anyone.
- I come with a manual; dating me would probably require the patience of a saint and an iron will. Now, perhaps once I am in my 30s I'll meet this one person that's so crazy about me that he doesn't have a problem with this. But I am 21 and most guys my age don't want too much hassle. They aren't waiting for a person with all these issues, they just want to have fun without too many strings attached. And I don't even think going out with me would be 'normal', so I wouldn't even know how to start.
I don't even know what my question is, or if I have one at all. I just wanted to get this off my chest.