No Thank you

[Aspychata]

Most older woman l talk to ( l take random surveys) tell me if they divorce, they wouldn't remarry. I was married quite a long time by the way.

 

[Rectify]

My ASD2 son [32yo, straight], a man, likes to wear pink. He does not understand why he garners so much attention from the gay crowd...

So do you suggest he doesn't wear pink?

Or perhaps that he works out something to say - polite but to the point - to let people know he's not interested in that? He just likes pink, that's all. This would be my suggestion unless he's actually happy to give up his pink clothes.

My point is that we need to move forward as people not stagnate or worse, bring back the past. Lets make things better. And the fact remains anyone can wear pink and it doesn't mean they want homosexual sex. Anyone can be into belly dance (and even have it as their profile picture on a forum) and that doesn't mean they want to sleep with someone or even have relationship with someone.

It just seemed like the poster wanted genuine thoughts on how to broach this subject sensitively with people who were interested in her. But people seem to be focusing on choice of profile pic how she dances. It's weird.

 

[Aspychata]

@Streetwise

l never take anything you say offensively. l really try to open my mind up and think differently.

 

[Judge]

I really don't think our choice of profile pic means that much. It often reflects things we like. The poster likes to dance. That doesn't mean she wants to date or necessarily do anything else! How difficult is that to understand?

It isn't a matter of difficulty in understanding. It's to acknowledge that there are some people out there who simply don't take "NO" for an answer.

Those who don't react quickly or at all to rational and reasonable thought processes because of their libido. Those who don't make much sense and don't care if they do.

 

[Rectify]

To clarify are you asking me if I find it difficult to understand

My apologies for being unclear. The last part was addressed to members here more generally. Not just to you.

 

[Rectify]

It isn't a matter of difficulty in understanding. It's to acknowledge that there are some people out there who simply don't take "NO" for an answer.

Those who don't react quickly or at all to rational and reasonable thought processes because of their libido.

There has to be some balance.

 

[Judge]

There has to be some balance.

I agree. In a perfect world.

But we don't live there.

At least I don't. In this respect I don't even know where to begin in explaining the difference between life in Australia and life in the USA. I've been in places where one can be killed for simply wearing the wrong colored clothing. No joke, no exaggeration.

There's nothing wrong with civility, but from my perspective it's almost an endangered species in American society.

 

[Aspychata]

l guess to the men at this forum. If a female rejects your interest, what is the best way to nicely let you down without insulting you because apparently l am going about it bellybackwards. lol

 

[Crossbreed]

My point is that we need to move forward as people not stagnate or worse, bring back the past.

Then, I probably shouldn't mention the "eunuch test" in History of the World: Part One (1981)...

 

[Streetwise]

@Streetwise

l never take anything you say offensively. l really try to open my mind up and think differently.

It’s very !hard !to communicate in a deep way !with women who have had lets say !a much more physically mature life,all I know is theory ,nothing else! and I think 20 years ago I would’ve been described as very innocent ,after my mother died that changed a lot, I learned a lot because she was a solicitor ,slightly different from an attorney as she didn’t spend a lot of her time preparing to speak in a court room ,she practised in litigation, sometimes in welfare benefits( disability or employment ) or also personal injury ,so you have to learn a lot about disease, psychological illness, and psychology, if I wanted to have any kind of relationship apart from having the psychological age of a two-year-old, I had to learn about psychology.
I learned a certain amount about human male psychology because she represented women who had been physically and psychologically abused.

 

[the_tortoise]

It isn't a matter of difficulty in understanding. It's to acknowledge that there are some people out there who simply don't take "NO" for an answer.

Those who don't react quickly or at all to rational and reasonable thought processes because of their libido. Those who don't make much sense and don't care if they do.

Refusing to take no for an answer is not a libido problem it is a not respecting the person saying “no” problem.

 

[Streetwise]

Most older woman l talk to ( l take random surveys) tell me if they divorce, they wouldn't remarry. I was married quite a long time by the way.

I think that’s because divorce is so harrowing ( again from what I’ve read and heard )and the reason you are divorcing is rarely good .I sadly keep praying that the legal system will change so that divorcing someone will help !instead of hinder!

 

[Judge]

l guess to the men at this forum. If a female rejects your interest, what is the best way to nicely let you down without insulting you because apparently l am going about it bellybackwards. lol

You're assuming all men generically react the same to the same situation. They don't. For some guys, saying you're not interested may do just fine. For others, the ugly reality may be that there may be very little you can say to fend them off.

Refusing to take no for an answer is not a libido problem it is a not respecting the person saying “no” problem.

That's fine rationale for one female to another. But it may not register to some males at all. Keep in mind this is a candid perspective from another male.

It sounds like some of you are expecting logic, rationale and courtesy where it may simply not exist. To assume the best in total strangers when you may get the worst they have to offer.

 

[the_tortoise]

You're assuming all men generically react the same to the same situation. They don't.

For some guys saying you're not interested may do just fine. For others, the ugly reality may be that there may be very little you can say to fend them off.



That's fine rationale for one female to another. But it may not register to some males at all. Keep in mind this is a candid perspective from another male.

i am male and have a strong libido as well as general self regulation and impulse control issues but those things dont make me harrass or assault people.

and it doesn’t matter if all people respond the same way or not, the problem does not lie in the victim of harrassment or assault.

also i am aware of no research to support the claim that how people dress actually correlates with their risk of being sexually assaulted or harrassed. Harrassment and assault are typically (if not always) about exerting power over others, according to what i have read.

 

[Judge]

i am male and have a very strong libido as well as general sel regulation and impulse control issues but even the combination doesnt make me harrass or assault people.

also i am aware of no research to support the claim that how people dress actually corelates with their risk of being sexually assaulted or harrassed.

Of course. I'm only pointing out that some guys may react in such a manner. Not all. As far as how women dress, I haven't actually addressed that particular issue. Though the same answer could apply. Where most guys behave themselves, but some may not.

Even worse to me is to personally witness those in my own age group behave in such a fashion. But I'd be a liar if I said it doesn't happen.

All I'm saying is that some people do some bad things. And for women to be aware of the possibilities. It doesn't mean abandoning any sense of civility, but to remain vigilant rather than relying strictly on any sense of uniformly polite behavior. Proceed with caution, ladies. That's all.

 

[Crossbreed]

also i am aware of no research to support the claim that how people dress actually corelates with their risk of being sexually assaulted or harrassed.

1. It clearly evokes a reaction.
2. Not everybody has appropriate boundaries.

The two choices that everyone has,

1. Risk an inappropriate reaction and prosecute them, after the fact; or
2. Restrain oneself in a volatile setting.

 

[Judge]

also i am aware of no research to support the claim that how people dress actually correlates with their risk of being sexually assaulted or harrassed. Harrassment and assault are typically (if not always) about exerting power over others, according to what i have read.

I should have qualified what I meant by how dangerous it can be to wear the wrong clothing in certain places and conditions. I didn't mean it in terms of women being socially approached by men. I meant it in terms of territory and "colors". Specific to select urban areas controlled more by organized gangs than local police.

It's a very real American dynamic most any cop in a gang unit can elaborate on. An issue I once had to deal with merely delivering electrical parts in a part of town that looked fine on the map, until I got there. Luckily I wasn't wearing the right- or wrong colors that might get me shot as an outsider.

As far as women potentially appearing "provocative", that depends on an individual predator who may think in such ways. Whether there's any hard data on such issues I have no idea. Some people can be horrible. Compounded by things like alcohol and sex which for them, can be like throwing gasoline on a fire no matter what their actual motive might be.

 

[Aspychata]

I still am hearing that no matter what l say or do, it falls on my shoulders to be careful? In society? I think that is the wrong answer. Just because men are driven by hormones doesn't mean that l have to wear a headdress and mechanics uniform. Men have other ways to relieve themself that don't require me.

Okay, for any perverted minds, l was specifically referencing donuts, l know they are a release for me. Though l am not sure about the image l am suggesting here. Specifically Krispy Creme fresh off the conveyer belt. People that have been to the store will know what l am saying.

 

[Judge]

I still am hearing that no matter what l say or do, it falls on my shoulders to be careful? In society? I think that is the wrong answer. Just because men are driven by hormones doesn't mean that l have to wear a headdress and mechanics uniform. Men have other ways to relieve themself that don't require me.

Well, we can all speak in terms of platitudes over conditions that don't really exist, or the realities that do exist.

As a pragmatist I'm more prone to deal with things as they are rather than how they should be.

In general I suspect most guys will be civil enough for you to safely dismiss their overtures. However a few can be quite problematic. Leaving it up to you in most instances to be able to determine the difference.

As @Crossbreed posted, "Not everybody has appropriate boundaries."

As far as friends and family goes, death has largely eliminated all those tiresome comments about why I'm not married or in a relationship. There's few people left to criticize my being alone, whether for better or for worse. But when they lived, such comments really got under my skin at times. That I get.

 

[Judge]

Right- a quick call to 911. Speed dial.

Yep. Though hopefully it won't ever come to that.

We're an autistic community of people. You're not likely to get feedback in the form of "softballs". We tend to be quite blunt here.

Meaning you're likely to hear the good, the bad and the ugly.