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Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Aspychata, Sep 11, 2019.

  1. Aspychata

    Aspychata My Art Work

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    This is a delicate subject. l think l have been going about it all wrong. Basically my entire life, l haven't dated much. Just really not interested. I am a comfortable loner, with a very small circle of whoever.

    Much older, don't really want to date at this age, don't understand why people can't be accepting of this choice. I will say anything to get a guy to leave me alone, l mean anything. l prefer to work and stay in on days l am not doing my errands. Why can't society accept who l am?

    People have a thousand bad things to say about me because l like solitude. I don't have a strong desire to throw myself at a man. If l like someone, l end up really enjoying their company. There are so many lonely older females, why can't men respect my right to be a alone older female. How should l let men know l am not into dating? It's because l don't have energy or desire at this age. l can't change me. l actually have been this way my ENTIRE life.
     
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  2. Aspychata

    Aspychata My Art Work

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    l want to say for other older females like me. Don't hate on us. l have older female friends who prefer not to date.
     
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  3. Kalinychta

    Kalinychta Well-Known Member

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    It’s weird how never marrying and never having kids is so taboo, especially for women. Maybe because it’s pounded into our heads from the day we’re born that our #1 destiny/priority in life is to attract a man, marry him, and have children. I lived with a man once, and I’ll never do it again because I love my alone time and having my own space.
     
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  4. Streetwise

    Streetwise very cautious contributor V.I.P Member

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    when you’re talking about physical attraction and I look at your avatar ,what would you say your body shape is ?are you athletic ( slim )gamine ( small, petite ) what men would consider fertile !( let’s say the upper part of your body looks like you may have had a baby and the lower half ) ?,male heterosexual psychology is based on whether they could reproduce with you ,So the less clothes you have on Is an immediate primal message( I am not saying a woman is a legal target of rape because of it - it just appears to be how the human male mind works regarding reproduction )that says I want to reproduce! ,I don’t know if this fact has changed ?that the physically mature human male thinks about sex on average every 20 seconds , and where God oh where did I learn this from, please help me remember it , I cannot honestly remember what I was thinking about five minutes ago ,If your Facial features look youthful and very feminine that is an even bigger attraction.
     
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  5. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝

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    1. You should probably refrain from belly-dancing... ;)
     
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  6. Aspychata

    Aspychata My Art Work

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    @Kalinychta
    Thank you so much for your words. It's nice to know l am not the only one.
     
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  7. Aspychata

    Aspychata My Art Work

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    I refuse to give up bellydancing. l think woman and men should have the freedom of dance. I also love ballet. This is a excellent DVD for tribal bellydancing if anyone is interested.

    l think we shouldn't discuss my body type, l think we should discuss how to nicely tell men as a older female, l don't want to date you, without men taking it as a personal attack of their looks, their vitality, their intelligence.
     
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2019
  8. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I suspect most people you encounter not by choice cannot relate to those of us who crave or require regular amounts of solitude. Never giving any thought to the very concept of Neurodiversity.

    So forget the "Greta Garbo" ("I want to be alone!") approach. I suspect that probably won't register to most male Neurotypicals looking for love. If you tell them you're not interested, they'll just continue to pester you.

    However if you tell them you're a lesbian, perhaps most of them will probably just leave you alone. In another generation it may not matter so much to older people. I realize that for some it may be painful to tell such a "white lie", but it may prove quite pragmatic to do so short of a kick to someone's groin.

    Male or female, many if not most of us have probably encountered the same prejudices. "When are you going to get married? What's wrong with you?" Yadda-yadda-yadda. And yes, it gets tiring. :rolleyes:

    It's ok to like belly dancing, but as an avatar be advised it's possible that you may be attracting the wrong kind of attention. It's not at all fair, but it what it is...
     
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  9. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝

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    Linda Ronstadt had the same problem...
    Poor Poor Pitiful Me (1977)
     
  10. Streetwise

    Streetwise very cautious contributor V.I.P Member

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    I didn’t mean it as offensively as that !about your body type !what I meant is perceive from what I’m saying how to send a message to men about your boundaries, the immediate message Will be what they view instead of a verbal message.
     
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  11. Rectify

    Rectify Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I don't know whether the comment about belly dancing was purely a joke (I'm guessing it was just a flippant joke), but I believe you should be able to dance without it necessarily being a 'come on'.

    Otherwise we can start saying things like if a woman is alone with a man that is a come on. If a woman wears a short skirt that is a come on.

    It's my opinion that we have to get past all that so that women can lead free lives in which they can exercise their free will to dance, walk, drink, be friends with whom they choose and so on.

    However I don't have much advice for you @Aspychata I'm sorry. I'm middle aged and single but I don't get many offers. I'm not really out in the community meeting many people.
     
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  12. Streetwise

    Streetwise very cautious contributor V.I.P Member

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    take a look at her avatar I don’t think it’s a joke
     
  13. Rectify

    Rectify Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Man, can I relate to that. I've been harrassed by birds ever since I joined this forum!
    :rolleyes:
     
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  14. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Is that sarcasm? I don't process sarcasm well.

    It's ok to like this and that, but understand there are no guarantees of how some people may relate to some things. Not fair, but it's a dynamic that is very real for some people. One you may have little to no control over.
     
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  15. Rectify

    Rectify Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I'm getting that now based on @Crossbreed's poor choice of song to link. It's a great song (so thanks to Linda Ronstadt for that) but it makes Crossbreed sound very closed minded.

    I really don't think our choice of profile pic means that much. It often reflects things we like. The poster likes to dance. That doesn't mean she wants to date or necessarily do anything else! How difficult is that to understand?
     
  16. Rectify

    Rectify Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Correct.
     
  17. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝

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    My ASD2 son [32yo, straight], a man, likes to wear pink. He does not understand why he garners so much unwanted attention from the gay crowd... [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2019
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  18. Aspychata

    Aspychata My Art Work

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    @Rectify
    Thank you. l am rolling around laughing on the floor. I couldn't get my other pic to load up at this site.
     
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  19. Wolf Prince

    Wolf Prince My future job title.

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    After your post about your ex i cant blame you. I hope you and your little one live happily in peace. Also as a soft complement maybe your more beautiful then you realize.
     
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  20. Streetwise

    Streetwise very cautious contributor V.I.P Member

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    To clarify are you asking me if I find it difficult to understand