New to the ASD Discussion

[JohnK]

Hi, everyone. My name is John. I am 67 and have recently self-identified with high functioning ASD. I have known I was different all my life for reasons most people here would relate to. About 10 years ago, a friend of mine told me that he was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. He was the first seemingly "normal" adult person I have ever met who admitted something like that to me (and still is). It caused me to suspect that maybe my quirks and anxieties all thought life might have something to do with my possibly having Asperger's, but I didn't really look any further into it. About a month and a half ago I saw the movie, "The Unbreakable Boy". I felt a connection with the boy in the movie, although not nearly so severe in the traits I could relate to. I was reminded of my Asperger's friend's revelation to me, and I felt the compulsion to look into what Asperger's Syndrome was all about. That sent me on an in depth research endeavor during which I have concluded with 100% certainty that I am on the autistic spectrum. I took several online tests (e.g., Diverse Diagnostics, RAADS-R, AQ Spectrum Test, ESQ-R), and have scored on all of them as showing indications that I am highly likely on the autistic spectrum. That, along with comparing myself with the traits of several other autistic people who post online, I am now certain I am autistic. I found it exciting that I could now understand why I have had so many struggles and strange traits that set me apart from my peers growing up, and even to what I have always painfully remembered as definicies I had as a loving father to my daughters (I was never abusive or neglectful of them, but I always had a hard time demonstrating my love towards them emotionally). It seems to me that my "special interests" have often robbed my family of so much of my time and affection that I should have been giving to them, and I have always been sad and ashamed because ot that. Anyway, now that I've been on this road of self-discovery, I feel like I have a new way of looking at my life and it has given me hope to grow closer to my daughters, and even my wife (who has been skeptical as I began my research, but is now starting to think there may be something to it) even at this late stage of my life. I would like to persue an official diagnosis for purposes of validating what I think I know, but am hesitent to do that for 3 reasons: 1) The expense, since it appears my insurance wouldn't cover the cost; 2) I wonder if the cost would justify any needed purpose for getting a diagnosis this late in my life; 3) Even though I am certain I am on the spectrum, I am afraid and almost think that my diagnosis would come up negative, and that would devistate me! Anyway, I think this forum might be a good first step in dealing with what I think is becoming a life-changing direction in my life.

 

[FayetheAspie]

Welcome!

 

[Nervous Rex]

Welcome, John! I hope you find this forum as welcoming and helpful as I have.

 

[JohnK]

Welcome!

Thanks! I like your signature.

 

[FayetheAspie]

Thanks.

 

[Rodafina]

Hello and welcome @JohnK. Hope you enjoy it here. Let us know if you have any questions about how things work.

 

[tree]

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I would like to persue an official diagnosis for purposes of validating what I think I know, but am hesitent to do that for 3 reasons: 1) The expense, since it appears my insurance wouldn't cover the cost; 2) I wonder if the cost would justify any needed purpose for getting a diagnosis this late in my life; 3) Even though I am certain I am on the spectrum, I am afraid and almost think that my diagnosis would come up negative, and that would devistate me! Anyway, I think this forum might be a good first step in dealing with what I think is becoming a life-changing direction in my life.

This very topic has been discussed at length here on the forums. You can do a search and perhaps gain some other thoughts on this.

In the US (I am not going to have any knowledge of other countries), you are correct, most health insurance plans do not cover mental health services,...but they can, if you add it to your policy. That said, work with the billing department at the clinic/hospital where you are getting your testing done. They would know the proper billing codes to perhaps get you a discount. They did with me. I think it was in the $250-300 range for me. Relatively speaking, inexpensive, given the time and thoroughness of the process.

The question of whether or not the cost would justify the need. That's your decision. Personally, I didn't "need" a diagnosis, but rather, it was a "want". I needed to know for sure. I am in the medical field, so my bias would be to not self-diagnose. Whether or not it came out positive or negative, the test results (they run several) was useful enough to satisfy my curiosity. There were things I thought I was good at, that turned out to be the opposite, and vice-versa. I didn't realize I was much better at specific things than other people. Regardless, I was going to learn something about myself.

There are young people who are applying for disability, accommodations at work, etc. via the protections under the ADA, that need that "official diagnosis" to help with the process. However, most of older folks, at the ends of our careers, or have retired, we probably don't need help in that way.

Sometimes we just need to satisfy that intellectual curiosity, something to put our lives into proper perspective, that perhaps we weren't "immoral" or "stupid" or "nerdy" or "introverted", whatever. The people around us making "moral diagnosis" of our behavior, not understanding it was the autism, ADHD, whatever. Sometimes we beat ourselves up thinking we were "failures" in some way, when in fact, we weren't "failed" neurotypicals, but rather "normal" autistics. The proper perspective matters.

BTW, it took my wife about a year or more to fully sink in that I was autistic. Give her some time. Most of us grew up only knowing that autism was a devastating, pediatric condition. Those of us that appear to be functioning reasonably well as adults, to most people, autism would never enter their minds. Most people have heard of autism, but very few have a grasp on what it is or what it means.

 

[JohnK]

This very topic has been discussed at length here on the forums. You can do a search and perhaps gain some other thoughts on this.

In the US (I am not going to have any knowledge of other countries), you are correct, most health insurance plans do not cover mental health services,...but they can, if you add it to your policy. That said, work with the billing department at the clinic/hospital where you are getting your testing done. They would know the proper billing codes to perhaps get you a discount. They did with me. I think it was in the $250-300 range for me. Relatively speaking, inexpensive, given the time and thoroughness of the process.

The question of whether or not the cost would justify the need. That's your decision. Personally, I didn't "need" a diagnosis, but rather, it was a "want". I needed to know for sure. I am in the medical field, so my bias would be to not self-diagnose. Whether or not it came out positive or negative, the test results (they run several) was useful enough to satisfy my curiosity. There were things I thought I was good at, that turned out to be the opposite, and vice-versa. I didn't realize I was much better at specific things than other people. Regardless, I was going to learn something about myself.

There are young people who are applying for disability, accommodations at work, etc. via the protections under the ADA, that need that "official diagnosis" to help with the process. However, most of older folks, at the ends of our careers, or have retired, we probably don't need help in that way.

Sometimes we just need to satisfy that intellectual curiosity, something to put our lives into proper perspective, that perhaps we weren't "immoral" or "stupid" or "nerdy" or "introverted", whatever. The people around us making "moral diagnosis" of our behavior, not understanding it was the autism, ADHD, whatever. Sometimes we beat ourselves up thinking we were "failures" in some way, when in fact, we weren't "failed" neurotypicals, but rather "normal" autistics. The proper perspective matters.

BTW, it took my wife about a year or more to fully sink in that I was autistic. Give her some time. Most of us grew up only knowing that autism was a devastating, pediatric condition. Those of us that appear to be functioning reasonably well as adults, to most people, autism would never enter their minds. Most people have heard of autism, but very few have a grasp on what it is or what it means.

Thanks so much. Your post looks helpful. I live in the US. I'll look into that insurance suggestion you made. The friend of mine I mentioned paid for his own diagnosis 10 years ago and it cost him $950 out of his own pocket! I appreciate your comment on how long it took for your wife to accept your diagnosis. My wife seems to be humoring me more than anything so far. But at least she's not rejecting my self-diagnosing process outright!

 

[Richelle-H]

Welcome to the forums John.

I was not diagnosed officially until I was in my early forties. I always knew that I was "unique" among my peers. However, it never caused me all that much turmoil. I was never bullied or attacked while in school. I was always comfortable with who I was at any given moment. A great deal of masking was in evidence if you knew what to look for, but I never allowed anyone to get close until well into my late twenties and early thirties.

My diagnosis was instrumental in saving my job in my early 60s, but other than that it meant little to me as I was happy with who I was and I am still strong in who I am to this day.

It is those around us where friction has a tendency to arise in misunderstandings or ill chosen words that are misinterpreted by the listener.

I have never considered my autism a disability, rather it leant me strengths in areas that others were not tuned into (so to speak). .

All said and done. I have had a remarkable and rewarding life in which my Asperger's has mostly been a strength and not a weakness.

What it was all about, at least for me, is being comfortable in one's life situation. It took me some four decades to reach that state of mind to the point that I care not what others think of me. I am sociable, polite, and occasionally witty and enjoy my day to day interactions, so if others find me odd or strange because of the way I express myself, that is not really my problem, although others might disagree.

I no longer hide anything about myself, for nothing about me embarrasses me any longer.

Find out as much about yourself as you feel necessary, that always leads to finding ways to interact with life which bring a sense of ease if not out and out comfort.

 

[tlc]

Your story sounds a lot like mine. Something like 15 years ago, a guy on a car message board said he had Aspergers Syndrome. I had no idea what it was, so I read a little bit online. What really made the connection was books. A few years later after I got divorced, I would hang out at the bookstore in the evenings and read books related to all sorts of things, and Aspergers was one of them. I was shocked, it felt like I was reading about myself. Even things that I had no idea about, like the special interests. My mom always called it my phases. Books by John Elder Robison, Temple Grandin, and others.

As far as an official diagnosis, I never did, basically for the same reasons. Cost, access in these rural parts, and what would it really do for me? Nobody's gonna give me any positive special treatment, and I wouldn't want it anyway. If anything, I was concerned that the narrow minded court system that already screwed me over would have used it as a reason to keep me from my daughter, she was about 12 at the time. Or the insurance company would use it as some sort of preexisting condition. Or I'd be blacklisted if I had to find another job. Everybody knows everybody around here and secrets spread fast. And now I'm getting close to 50, it matters even less. I am who I am regardless of label. If I tell people I'm diagnosed autistic, they will more than likely make a generalization based on their favorite celebrity, fictional character, someone they know IRL who may be very low functioning, etc. But if they get to know me like they would have to do with anybody else, they will see who I really am and made their decision based on that. There are some ways my traits help me, and my boss likes the way I think and gives me the weird jobs that require more diverse solutions. And he knows I don't do well being put on the spot in front of customers, so he deals with that part.

Anyway, being self diagnosed lets me find all sorts of material to understand things better, relating to others who are the same way, knowing I'm not alone and there's nothing actually wrong with me. Without being locked into it.

 

[Alexej]

Hi and Welcome @JohnK

Glad you have found us and are joining in

 

[JohnK]

Welcome to the forums John.

I was not diagnosed officially until I was in my early forties. I always knew that I was "unique" among my peers. However, it never caused me all that much turmoil. I was never bullied or attacked while in school. I was always comfortable with who I was at any given moment. A great deal of masking was in evidence if you knew what to look for, but I never allowed anyone to get close until well into my late twenties and early thirties.

My diagnosis was instrumental in saving my job in my early 60s, but other than that it meant little to me as I was happy with who I was and I am still strong in who I am to this day.

It is those around us where friction has a tendency to arise in misunderstandings or ill chosen words that are misinterpreted by the listener.

I have never considered my autism a disability, rather it leant me strengths in areas that others were not tuned into (so to speak). .

All said and done. I have had a remarkable and rewarding life in which my Asperger's has mostly been a strength and not a weakness.

What it was all about, at least for me, is being comfortable in one's life situation. It took me some four decades to reach that state of mind to the point that I care not what others think of me. I am sociable, polite, and occasionally witty and enjoy my day to day interactions, so if others find me odd or strange because of the way I express myself, that is not really my problem, although others might disagree.

I no longer hide anything about myself, for nothing about me embarrasses me any longer.

Find out as much about yourself as you feel necessary, that always leads to finding ways to interact with life which bring a sense of ease if not out and out comfort.

Thanks for sharing that, Richelle. You are a very fortunate person. I appreciate your outlook.

 

[JohnK]

Your story sounds a lot like mine. Something like 15 years ago, a guy on a car message board said he had Aspergers Syndrome. I had no idea what it was, so I read a little bit online. What really made the connection was books. A few years later after I got divorced, I would hang out at the bookstore in the evenings and read books related to all sorts of things, and Aspergers was one of them. I was shocked, it felt like I was reading about myself. Even things that I had no idea about, like the special interests. My mom always called it my phases. Books by John Elder Robison, Temple Grandin, and others.

As far as an official diagnosis, I never did, basically for the same reasons. Cost, access in these rural parts, and what would it really do for me? Nobody's gonna give me any positive special treatment, and I wouldn't want it anyway. If anything, I was concerned that the narrow minded court system that already screwed me over would have used it as a reason to keep me from my daughter, she was about 12 at the time. Or the insurance company would use it as some sort of preexisting condition. Or I'd be blacklisted if I had to find another job. Everybody knows everybody around here and secrets spread fast. And now I'm getting close to 50, it matters even less. I am who I am regardless of label. If I tell people I'm diagnosed autistic, they will more than likely make a generalization based on their favorite celebrity, fictional character, someone they know IRL who may be very low functioning, etc. But if they get to know me like they would have to do with anybody else, they will see who I really am and made their decision based on that. There are some ways my traits help me, and my boss likes the way I think and gives me the weird jobs that require more diverse solutions. And he knows I don't do well being put on the spot in front of customers, so he deals with that part.

Anyway, being self diagnosed lets me find all sorts of material to understand things better, relating to others who are the same way, knowing I'm not alone and there's nothing actually wrong with me. Without being locked into it.

Thank you, tlc. That was very interesting. I like reading stories like yours and others who have replied so far. I know exactly what you mean about going through various phases of things. That's what wife my pretty much said to me about my latest "special interest" in ASD. But this is different. I was always fascinated by previous interests I would get obsessed with, but this time it is really hitting close to home and is explaining so much about so many of my life experiences.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Welcome.

I figured out I was autistic at age 64. I’m 71 now. I feel no need for an official diagnosis for any or all of the reasons cited above.

Being autistic explains all the the problems and successes I’ve had in life. What’s been the most helpful for me is this forum.

 

[gigi1919]

Hi, everyone. My name is John. I am 67 and have recently self-identified with high functioning ASD. I have known I was different all my life for reasons most people here would relate to. About 10 years ago, a friend of mine told me that he was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. He was the first seemingly "normal" adult person I have ever met who admitted something like that to me (and still is). It caused me to suspect that maybe my quirks and anxieties all thought life might have something to do with my possibly having Asperger's, but I didn't really look any further into it. About a month and a half ago I saw the movie, "The Unbreakable Boy". I felt a connection with the boy in the movie, although not nearly so severe in the traits I could relate to. I was reminded of my Asperger's friend's revelation to me, and I felt the compulsion to look into what Asperger's Syndrome was all about. That sent me on an in depth research endeavor during which I have concluded with 100% certainty that I am on the autistic spectrum. I took several online tests (e.g., Diverse Diagnostics, RAADS-R, AQ Spectrum Test, ESQ-R), and have scored on all of them as showing indications that I am highly likely on the autistic spectrum. That, along with comparing myself with the traits of several other autistic people who post online, I am now certain I am autistic. I found it exciting that I could now understand why I have had so many struggles and strange traits that set me apart from my peers growing up, and even to what I have always painfully remembered as definicies I had as a loving father to my daughters (I was never abusive or neglectful of them, but I always had a hard time demonstrating my love towards them emotionally). It seems to me that my "special interests" have often robbed my family of so much of my time and affection that I should have been giving to them, and I have always been sad and ashamed because ot that. Anyway, now that I've been on this road of self-discovery, I feel like I have a new way of looking at my life and it has given me hope to grow closer to my daughters, and even my wife (who has been skeptical as I began my research, but is now starting to think there may be something to it) even at this late stage of my life. I would like to persue an official diagnosis for purposes of validating what I think I know, but am hesitent to do that for 3 reasons: 1) The expense, since it appears my insurance wouldn't cover the cost; 2) I wonder if the cost would justify any needed purpose for getting a diagnosis this late in my life; 3) Even though I am certain I am on the spectrum, I am afraid and almost think that my diagnosis would come up negative, and that would devistate me! Anyway, I think this forum might be a good first step in dealing with what I think is becoming a life-changing direction in my life.

Welcome!
I'm new here and also just self diagnosed.
I would like an official diagnosis for simplicity of some things and it will depend if you will be eligible for any support if you got the diagnosis.
Maybe some members here are from your area and can advise if that's the case but as far as I heard there are changes in eligibility in some countries coming that might limit access for those higher functioning.