Hello, I'm new to this site and not really sure where exactly I should be posting this so please be patient with me. I’m an NT (male) and in a newer relationship with someone (female) on the spectrum. We’ve known each other for a some months now and we have a lot in common and we really like each other. But I’m looking for some help.
On the first date, she revealed to me that she was on the spectrum, and said she gets uncomfortable with touching and things of that nature and that it would take time for some things. I was accepting of that and wanted to get to know her better. We spent time some time together and talked all the time and things we’re going great.
However, I’m a very passionate person in a relationship and like to get physical (cuddling, kissing, etc.). After some hesitation, she got to the point where she was comfortable with holding hands and light cuddling. And things were going great until the other night. Long story short, she told me that she usually feels good with me and doesn’t mind physical contact (with breaks in between when she feels anxious), but sometimes she goes back to feeling uncomfortable with it. She says when she’s alone, she worries about what “normal relationships” do in the future (kissing, sexual contact, etc.) and was anxious about how I would feel when she didn’t want to do those things when the time comes. I’ve told her I don’t mind taking it slow as long as we can try different things in the future slowly and only when she’s comfortable.
Anyway, it got to a point where she (and truthfully, I) was questioning if it was a good idea for us to be in a relationship. I said I really wanted to be with her and that I felt we can make it work, because every other aspect (other than physical contact and the thought of “relationship norms”) is going great. I’m ready to try perhaps kissing someday soon (once again, I’m passionate) and move on with the relationship but I also want to make sure she’s comfortable. So I’m looking for help… What do you think? What can we do to compromise? What can we do to get to certain milestones? Do you think things could work out?
I’m worried this post might be a bit on the long side and I hope I clearly stated the problem without offending anyone. Thanks for reading and for the responses.
On the first date, she revealed to me that she was on the spectrum, and said she gets uncomfortable with touching and things of that nature and that it would take time for some things. I was accepting of that and wanted to get to know her better. We spent time some time together and talked all the time and things we’re going great.
However, I’m a very passionate person in a relationship and like to get physical (cuddling, kissing, etc.). After some hesitation, she got to the point where she was comfortable with holding hands and light cuddling. And things were going great until the other night. Long story short, she told me that she usually feels good with me and doesn’t mind physical contact (with breaks in between when she feels anxious), but sometimes she goes back to feeling uncomfortable with it. She says when she’s alone, she worries about what “normal relationships” do in the future (kissing, sexual contact, etc.) and was anxious about how I would feel when she didn’t want to do those things when the time comes. I’ve told her I don’t mind taking it slow as long as we can try different things in the future slowly and only when she’s comfortable.
Anyway, it got to a point where she (and truthfully, I) was questioning if it was a good idea for us to be in a relationship. I said I really wanted to be with her and that I felt we can make it work, because every other aspect (other than physical contact and the thought of “relationship norms”) is going great. I’m ready to try perhaps kissing someday soon (once again, I’m passionate) and move on with the relationship but I also want to make sure she’s comfortable. So I’m looking for help… What do you think? What can we do to compromise? What can we do to get to certain milestones? Do you think things could work out?
I’m worried this post might be a bit on the long side and I hope I clearly stated the problem without offending anyone. Thanks for reading and for the responses.
