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New here - female 48, just self-diagnosed

U

Unexpected_who_me?

New Member
Hello.
A week ago I had an accountability meeting at work (corporate) and after that out of nowhere I heard myself saying "I must be autistic!" - I was fed up with the 1-2 months anxiety before the meeting and the sweating before and during the zoom call, while the rest of 15 people had no trouble and seem to enjoy it.
My daughter who studies psychology heard me and sent me the AQ test - I scored 37/50. Everybody else at home scored <17.
This opened up a whole new world for me and I'm still baffled. So many things from my childhood make sense now, even my divorce, etc.
One thing Im still researching is why I hate so much my job - it is now work from home, I have a nice boss (and boss of boss) who never pressure me, I make good money that I cannot make otherwise and when I tell this to my 'friends' in corporate they all say 'are you stupid? stick to it!'. Yet I cannot wait to "retire" - to go on long walks, sit for hours to watch the leaves move in the wind, read, write, cook, travel a bit. I save all $$ I can and follow the FIRE movement (financial independence retire early).
For me it seems to be life and death to get out of corporate ASAP...still saving for another year or so until I have enough for a lean/frugal life in Mexico where we plan to go (cheaper).
What is is about autism and corporate - I used to think that everyone has anxiety in big meetings (telling myself "just shut up, wussie!"), everyone's head hurts when pulled in too many directions at one time (emails, IMs,3-4 projects at a time etc)...
I just feel like I cannot breathe, forget about thriving, in this type of job - but my financial situation is thriving when I'm in it. I'm a math quant/computer science.(Hated math but I was so good at it and my dad was an engineering professor).
Thanks for listening to this long rant.
 
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Welcome to the forum!
I too am new here.

Oh and yes we moved to Central Mexico from the US East Coast... Know lots of ins/outs of that if you have questions, you may pm me.
 
Hi and welcome to the Forums

Do hang out a bit and get to know us, and the ways that autism manifests, and is lived.
 
Welcome. I feel much the same way about my job as you do and my work situation is very similar to yours.

I'm sure you'll find this forum to be friendly, welcoming and supportive to you. Thank you for sharing your story and thank you for clarifying that you're self-diagnosed at this point. Note that this forum supports self-diagnosed as well as professionally diagnosed people alike. It's of my own personal opinion and request that you continue to note that you're self-diagnosed.

Enjoy the forum!
 
Welcome! I feel kind of like you about corporate work. I plan to work as long as they want me, but it is difficult staying motivated. Realistically, I think I have at most four more years before aI retire.
 
Magna said:
Welcome. I feel much the same way about my job as you do and my work situation is very similar to yours.

I'm sure you'll find this forum to be friendly, welcoming and supportive to you. Thank you for sharing your story and thank you for clarifying that you're self-diagnosed at this point. Note that this forum supports self-diagnosed as well as professionally diagnosed people alike. It's of my own personal opinion and request that you continue to note that you're self-diagnosed.

Enjoy the forum!
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Thank you, Magna, for sharing that you feel the same! Noted - I will keep mentioning that I am self-diagnosed.

Do many autistic people feel heightened anxiety in the workplace? I cannot understand yet why, what exactly makes me hate it so much... feeling guilty that I should be grateful for it, while I hate it... so weird!
 
Rasputin said:
Welcome! I feel kind of like you about corporate work. I plan to work as long as they want me, but it is difficult staying motivated. Realistically, I think I have at most four more years before aI retire.
Click to expand...

Thank you, Rasputin, for validating how I feel and sharing! I struggle with the question "can I even last another year?" - because everyday it feels I can't last till the end of that day...big sigh of relief every day that passes! I have a white board where I wrote the paycheck days for the next 14 months and I cross them - such a big relief on Fridays when I cross another one!
 
Unexpected_who_me? said:
Thank you, Magna, for sharing that you feel the same! Noted - I will keep mentioning that I am self-diagnosed.

Do many autistic people feel heightened anxiety in the workplace? I cannot understand yet why, what exactly makes me hate it so much... feeling guilty that I should be grateful for it, while I hate it... so weird!
Click to expand...

Yes, it's common for autistic people to have struggles in the workplace that NTs don't have issues with. Maybe analyzing the root causes of the reasons you don't like your work will help you?

Also, research "autistic burnout". That could be at play for you.
 
Welcome!

Unpredictability is always a major challenge for those on the spectrum, and meetings especially so, where something totally unexpected can pop up and you're on the spot... so you say something, and as you're walking out from the meeting realize "that wasn't the best answer" and only once you're home, had dinner, and are washing the dishes, does the perfect answer come to mind, but now it's too late.
 
VictorR said:
Welcome!

Unpredictability is always a major challenge for those on the spectrum, and meetings especially so, where something totally unexpected can pop up and you're on the spot... so you say something, and as you're walking out from the meeting realize "that wasn't the best answer" and only once you're home, had dinner, and are washing the dishes, does the perfect answer come to mind, but now it's too late.
Click to expand...

Awesome - that's a great clue, VictorR - the "unpredictability" of work. So true, dealing with so many people, at so many levels, with meetings that pop out of nowhere with no agenda and not knowing when I'll be put on the spot, unprepared (to my standards). Thank you so much for opening my eyes to this... I'm still so new to this, piecing it together little by little.
 
Unexpected_who_me? said:
Awesome - that's a great clue, VictorR - the "unpredictability" of work. So true, dealing with so many people, at so many levels, with meetings that pop out of nowhere with no agenda and not knowing when I'll be put on the spot, unprepared (to my standards). Thank you so much for opening my eyes to this... I'm still so new to this, piecing it together little by little.
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The ADA in the U.S. requires employers to give "reasonable accommodations" in the workplace to people with disabilities. Unfortunately I believe it would have to be a professional diagnosis, but my autism therapist told me that it's actually a legitimate "reasonable accommodation" for an autistic person to request knowing about work meetings in advance as well as knowing the agenda for the meeting in advance and if for whatever reason that can't be accommodated (e.g. spur of the moment meeting, etc) that the autistic person be excused from having to attend the meeting.

I once refused to attend a work meeting back when I was still working in the office and not at home. Why? The person who visited our office (a marketing representative) didn't follow the generally accepted protocol to schedule meetings in advance and just popped into our office unannounced expecting that we'd all drop what we were doing and attend a meeting. The office manager peeked into my office and said the rep was in the conference room with no notice and would I be attending. I said no. I said I had no advance notice and I refused to attend for that reason.
 
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DO you have other interests besides an apptitude with mathematics? A good chunk of us aspies, do explore these. retiring early may not be the answer, you think it is.
 
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