• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

New and looking for answers

SlyCargo

New Member
Hi all,

I am a 40 year Australian man who was diagnosed with ASD level 1 about 4 years ago, and at the beginning of this year I was also diagnosed with ADD.

I consider myself to be a highly moral and empathetic individual, but no one ever seems to like me and I never could figure out why. I would start a job and excel at it, several months later I would pretty much no more than everyone around me, about my and usually their jobs as well. This ultimately leads to me offending them because I always run into issues where the people above me are doing something incorrectly and I discover the correct way to do it (damn hyperfocus) and then I'm stuck at a point, where if I say nothing I am either now knowingly acting unlawfully or unethically, and if I say something I am undermining the authority and ego of those above me, which leads them to see me as a threat and I ultimately get pushed out of my job.

This has been the case all my life. The longest job I have ever held in one place is 2 years. I have 2 undergraduate degrees and a master's of engineering but now I can't really use any because I've not been able to gain enough experience and I'm effectively at the graduate level because I keep getting fired and having to find jobs usually whatever I can get so my kids and wife don't starve.

Life is so difficult for me. I am incredibly smart, honest and loyal, given the opportunity I could do anything I put my mind to, except get along with people. What seems to be so hard for me is that if someone proves me wrong, I accept it and use that information to make better decisions. If I prove someone wrong, I get bullied, abused and pushed out. I've tried to take the low road and ignore errors when I find them but this just eats me up and I become so depressed and anxious I can't function.

This disability is the worst curse any human could have. I look so normal, I have great charisma for a short period but unsustained, I am smart, and for the most part I look, appear and act normal. But underneath I have this black and white perspective, logical, and unwavering.

On top of that because I am so hyperfocus at work, I end up spending too much money on the new house we are building, I miss calculate our budget and forget to allow for things and put us in debt, I buy more expensive items because my brain can tg accept anything other than the one I wanted. I am in debt, I can't keep a job, I have no friends except for my family and I am truly the nicest, honest and empathetic person you will meet. I just can't get life right.
 
Well I have two quick thoughts. Realize you have as many flaws as anyone else and that its not your job to point out other's.
 
Well I have two quick thoughts. Realize you have as many flaws as anyone else and that its not your job to point out other's.

Wow! A flaw would be someone not knowing how to respond to someone in need of help. What I point out to work colleagues is an incorrect application of a law, or standard which either results in someone's potential death, injury or significant financial loss. I should just not say anything should I, because the protection of the ego of a nurotypical is far more important?
 
Wow! A flaw would be someone not knowing how to respond to someone in need of help. What I point out to work colleagues is an incorrect application of a law, or standard which either results in someone's potential death, injury or significant financial loss. I should just not say anything should I, because the protection of the ego of a nurotypical is far more important?

It depends. Did they ask you about it? Is it your specific job to critique their work? Are you their trainer, etc?
 
It depends. Did they ask you about it? Is it your specific job to critique their work? Are you their trainer, etc?

Clearly not otherwise they would know the right answer. If I am given a task to design something, prepare a report, really anything I am given responsibility for I will study it and learn it from the fundemantal concept and then all the information piled on top. It is quite normal for me to build this knowledge rapidly because I do tend to hyperfocus on things. This means I study it at work, at home, at the shops, in the toilet and wherever else I may be. When I draft that report, or do that design and my manager states 'this is wrong, it should be like this and I respond with, I can understand that's how you have been applying it, however I came across 'insert legislation/guideline etc' and for this situation it should be like this. Now this is fine, once or twice, but when it keeps happening over and over again and my managers boss and my work colleagues start seeing that I am constantly producing more accurate work than my supervisor, this is when it goes bad. I can understand how you can jump to a conclusion and just blurt out some rhetoric, however, these issues are ordinarily organic and not an uncomfortable exchange of words in a moment. I am a 40 year old man, not a kid. I have learnt to treat everyone with respect and tolerance, however I can't stop being good at my job just because the guy above me isn't as good.
 
Hi SlyCargo

welcome to af.png
 
Warm wellcome to the forums :)

Reg youre iccues

if may humbly suggest ?

You say you want logic

First thats great youre IQ seems to be high BUT that DONT make you any more valuble or special then those that arent (incl those like me that is WAY below average )

Second NOONE likes whats known as a know it all (someone that claimes to know better then everyone else and therefore they are in the beliefs they have the right to corect others and pretty much feel they are more worth then others)

Third Instead of as you say help corect youre co workers because you know it better let them come to YOU and ASK for help. and if so and youre helping them try to tone it down to less superior and more if needed try to get down on there level

Last its great that you have this extra ability at work BUT that DONT give you the right to feel youre more worth then all the other co workers (incl youre bosses ) I can undersrand how this makes you all uncomfortable and anxious etc... BUT you HAVE to try to find a way to deal with this other then stepping in all the time (if needed seek profetional help )

And Yes like you i HATE all my diagnosis and they havent been anything other then a curse and pretty much destroyed whatever dreams i once had of " normal happy life " BUT it is what it is and i have no choice then to accept them and try to adapt as best i can and make the best of what i have to work with
 
Last edited:
Hello & welcome @SlyCargo . (Are you any relation to Clutch Cargo...?)
If I prove someone wrong, I get bullied, abused and pushed out. I've tried to take the low road and ignore errors when I find them but this just eats me up and I become so depressed and anxious I can't function.
Since, they don't want constructive feedback, you got branded as a "whistle-blower." (That is not uncommon for us.)

Since the errors are life-threatening, someone might "throw you under the bus," since you "knew but didn't say anything."

I see two choices for you,
  1. Work for someone who wants that kind of feedback, or
  2. Work for someone whose negligence isn't so life-threatening.
 
Last edited:
Warm wellcome to the forums :)

Reg youre iccues

if may humbly suggest ?

You say you want logic

First thats great youre IQ seems to be high BUT that DONT make you any more valuble or special then those that arent (incl those like me that is WAY below average )

Second NOONE likes whats known as a know it all (someone that claimes to know better then everyone else and therefore they are in the beliefs they have the right to corect others and pretty much feel they are more worth then others)

Third Instead of as you say help corect youre co workers because you know it better let them come to YOU and ASK for help. and if so and youre helping them try to tone it down to less superior and more if needed try to get down on there level

Last its great that you have this extra ability at work BUT that DONT give you the right to feel youre more worth then all the other co workers (incl youre bosses ) I can undersrand how this makes you all uncomfortable and anxious etc... BUT you HAVE to try to find a way to deal with this other then stepping in all the time (if needed seek profetional help )

And Yes like you i HATE all my diagnosis and they havent been anything other then a curse and pretty much destroyed whatever dreams i once had of " normal happy life " BUT it is what it is and i have no choice then to accept them and try to adapt as best i can and make the best of what i have to work with

Hi and thanks for the response,

Maybe I didn't explain things very clearly in my first post because everyone seems to think I'm behaving like a self righteous, egotistical sociopath who thinks I'm better than everyone else. No, that's not what I'm saying, I am a generous, humble and empathetic man. I never have and never would shove my ability to learn and absorb more into anyone's face. I don't tell other people what to do not even those who work under me, I simply do my job WELL. That's it! My biggest problem is that I do such a good job I out perform everyone I have ever worked with. People hate to lose so they begin bullying me, isolating me, leaving me out of things. It becomes very high school and immature. I would love to not do such a good job but I can't. I become so fixated on what I do that I learn everything about it. I don't then walk around gloating, in fact I try as hard as I can to look like I can't do it. But when I have to submit work I can't do it the way someone else wants me to do it if that way is wrong.

For example; let's say your an accountant, and your boss has 25 years of experience. He tasks you with processing a client's income tax. You complete the task and take it to him. He reviews it and says, 'you didn't complete a section the way it should be done, you respond by saying, sorry I didn't complete it that way because in June last year there was a change to the regulations which now require this to be completed in this manner. He says ah I didn't know about that good job. A week later and another task you find another fault in his experience. You let him know and he says, ah ok. Then again a week after that and this continues until he is now thinking, geez I didn't stay on top of this and now all my slacking off is catching up with me. I'd better do something about this guy before I get fired for not doing my job properly.

You see a large number of people who rely on experience end up outdated. Most workers just go about their jobs willing to do things the way their told and don't try and learn their craft in detail. I on the other hand rarely leave things at following instruction. My hyperfocus pushes me to find out everything about a subject and I do become an expert. This means that I often come across experience people applying knowledge they learnt 10 or 15 years ago without any significant updating of skills since they move into management. I don't mean to no more than them, nor do I set out to know more than them, I just naturally and uncontrollably learn everything about the subject at hand. I've tried to stop this but I can't.

I am not in anyway egotistical. I certainly don't challenge or teach my colleagues, I simply just end up being better than them when it comes to knowledge. This not because of my IQ, it's because I can't stop learning and reading. I obsess and can't let something go if I can't define it or understand how and why it is that way.

I just don't know how to stop doing that!
 
Hi @SlyCargo, welcome. What I used to say to students I taught who would notice problems in the organisation they had their placements in, is, get your feet under the table before you critique them.

The reason for that is, not that they were wrong, they often weren't and often had important fresh perspectives that would have been really helpful, but if they went in to point the problems out they would have a lot of trouble having their views taken seriously, they'd be seen as trouble makers and often placement would break down, or they would get a poor report that affected their progress in training, and wouldn't get a good reference if they then tried to change placement.

Conversely, I had a number of students who managed to fume inwardly but not speak too soon, got qualified, got a job with the placement, applied for promotion and got it, and through a combination of building mutual relationships and getting higher and more powerful in the organisation, were able to do something effective about what was wrong.

With respect, although your intentions are good, you aren't actually helping protect people at risk from these issues if you wade in before you can be effective. If this is just too hard for you to stomach, and I can see how it might be, have you thought about working for yourself?

I hope you find this forum useful and supportive, I know I have.

:spoutingwhale::dolphin::spiralshell::whale::fish::spiralshell::dolphin::spoutingwhale:
 
Hello & welcome @SlyCargo . (Are you any relation to Clutch Cargo...?)

Since, they don't want constructive feedback, you got branded as a "whistle-blower." (That is not uncommon for us.)

Since the errors are life-threatening, someone might "throw you under the bus," since you "knew but didn't say anything."

I see two choices for you,
  1. Work for someone who wants that kind of feedback, or
  2. Work for someone whose negligence isn't so life-threatening.
Hi crossbreed,

I've been looking for that job for years. My psychiatrist keeps telling me that we have to find a job which favours my talents. The issue I face currently is I have a mortgage 2 kids in school and other bills to pay so just getting another job is not an option.

I run a unit of government organisation. My team calculates and makes decisions on multi million dollar projects where one party is always trying to limit those costs. Sometimes decisions are made to reduce those costs and the results could, depending on what they have foregone to get the costs down result in sub standard output that litteraly could cause a life to be lost. Now it won't cause a life to be lost but standards are set to mitigate risk and if those standards are not met than the risk of death or injury rises. Also if decisions are made where the decision maker is unaware of the standards, or do nor think they apply in a given situation I find it hard not to comment to ensure those standards are met.

I have held back and not said things but I become so stressed, like I am the one who is responsible if a kid gets sucked down a drain because I was too worried about making my supervisor feel insecure. It tears me up inside.

If you know something is a bad decision it's impossible for me to just let it go.

I'm here for help. I was hoping I would find others who have similar issues. I don't want to be like this but I am. I just want to be normal!
 
="SlyCargo, post: 677022, member: 24039"]Hi and thanks for the response,

" Hello and youre very wellcome "

Maybe I didn't explain things very clearly in my first post because everyone seems to think I'm behaving like a self righteous, egotistical sociopath who thinks I'm better than everyone else.

" Im reading "

No, that's not what I'm saying, I am a generous, humble and empathetic man. I never have and never would shove my ability to learn and absorb more into anyone's face. I don't tell other people what to do not even those who work under me, I simply do my job WELL. That's it!

" Thats good then (two thumbs upp ) "

My biggest problem is that I do such a good job I out perform everyone I have ever worked with. People hate to lose so they begin bullying me, isolating me, leaving me out of things. It becomes very high school and immature.

" In that case i agree and would also add you should try to talk to youre bosses about this because its SO wrong. And if this dont help try to find a new place to work. And last DONT accept the crap from them STAND upp for youre self (in a calm and respected way of course ) "

I would love to not do such a good job but I can't. I become so fixated on what I do that I learn everything about it."

" You shouldent have to feel this way or not do so good job be PROUD of youre self for doing it "

I don't then walk around gloating, in fact I try as hard as I can to look like I can't do it. But when I have to submit work I can't do it the way someone else wants me to do it if that way is wrong.

" I agree and as long as its youre own projects and youre boss is happy who gives a rats ..... What youre co workers think "

For example; let's say your an accountant, and your boss has 25 years of experience. He tasks you with processing a client's income tax. You complete the task and take it to him. He reviews it and says, 'you didn't complete a section the way it should be done, you respond by saying, sorry I didn't complete it that way because in June last year there was a change to the regulations which now require this to be completed in this manner. He says ah I didn't know about that good job.

" So far im with you and understand and agree "

A week later and another task you find another fault in his experience. You let him know and he says, ah ok. Then again a week after that and this continues until he is now thinking, geez I didn't stay on top of this and now all my slacking off is catching up with me. I'd better do something about this guy before I get fired for not doing my job properly.

" I understand youre dilemma but again as long as you manage to actually perform said job and youre boss (employer's) is happy with you THATS what should count ) "

You see a large number of people who rely on experience end up outdated. Most workers just go about their jobs willing to do things the way their told and don't try and learn their craft in detail.

" Im with you yes "

I on the other hand rarely leave things at following instruction. My hyperfocus pushes me to find out everything about a subject and I do become an expert. This means that I often come across experience people applying knowledge they learnt 10 or 15 years ago without any significant updating of skills since they move into management.

" Yes im aware of how the male ASD 1 is sometimes showing it self like this "

I don't mean to no more than them, nor do I set out to know more than them, I just naturally and uncontrollably learn everything about the subject at hand. I've tried to stop this but I can't.

" I understand and as i said you SHOULDENT think this way. You do the best you can and thats what matters if others arent then thats there problems ,and if anyone bullies you because of it you need to talk to youre employer's about it "

I am not in anyway egotistical. I certainly don't challenge or teach my colleagues, I simply just end up being better than them when it comes to knowledge. This not because of my IQ, it's because I can't stop learning and reading. I obsess and can't let something go if I can't define it or understand how and why it is that way.

" I compleatly understand and again you shouldent feel you have to stop being YOU . If others have a problem with this they can go take a hike as thats there problems not youres "

I just don't know how to stop doing that!

" Simple anwer DONT stopp use youre " curse " too have to perform att top level att youre job "
 
Last edited:
Thanks to everyone for replying,

I think what I'm getting from most of these replies, except from the last one Sarah is that I should learn to not highlight error in those higher in rank to myself or those around me.

I know I should try to pick my battles and I do for a while but eventually, usually after 2 years I have done it enough times for them to be pissed off with me seeming to always have the answers when they don't. I can't stop this and trust me I've tried.

Sarah, you have given me some comforting feedback which is all I was really here for. I know what's wrong with me, I was just hoping to find others who understood.

Thanks
 
Belive me i understand and youre very wellcome :)

ACCEPT youre diagnosis learn to adapt to them rather then trying to work against them as it is a battle you WILL loose (im talking from own experience) and above all NEVER feel you have to be someone youre not. and be PROUD of who you are.
 
Hi all,

I am a 40 year Australian man who was diagnosed with ASD level 1 about 4 years ago, and at the beginning of this year I was also diagnosed with ADD.

I consider myself to be a highly moral and empathetic individual, but no one ever seems to like me and I never could figure out why. I would start a job and excel at it, several months later I would pretty much no more than everyone around me, about my and usually their jobs as well. This ultimately leads to me offending them because I always run into issues where the people above me are doing something incorrectly and I discover the correct way to do it (damn hyperfocus) and then I'm stuck at a point, where if I say nothing I am either now knowingly acting unlawfully or unethically, and if I say something I am undermining the authority and ego of those above me, which leads them to see me as a threat and I ultimately get pushed out of my job.

This has been the case all my life. The longest job I have ever held in one place is 2 years. I have 2 undergraduate degrees and a master's of engineering but now I can't really use any because I've not been able to gain enough experience and I'm effectively at the graduate level because I keep getting fired and having to find jobs usually whatever I can get so my kids and wife don't starve.

Life is so difficult for me. I am incredibly smart, honest and loyal, given the opportunity I could do anything I put my mind to, except get along with people. What seems to be so hard for me is that if someone proves me wrong, I accept it and use that information to make better decisions. If I prove someone wrong, I get bullied, abused and pushed out. I've tried to take the low road and ignore errors when I find them but this just eats me up and I become so depressed and anxious I can't function.

This disability is the worst curse any human could have. I look so normal, I have great charisma for a short period but unsustained, I am smart, and for the most part I look, appear and act normal. But underneath I have this black and white perspective, logical, and unwavering.

On top of that because I am so hyperfocus at work, I end up spending too much money on the new house we are building, I miss calculate our budget and forget to allow for things and put us in debt, I buy more expensive items because my brain can tg accept anything other than the one I wanted. I am in debt, I can't keep a job, I have no friends except for my family and I am truly the nicest, honest and empathetic person you will meet. I just can't get life right.

Hi SlyCargo, and Welcome!

I have had the same problems throughout my career, more so during the earlier parts.of my career.

Part of the problem is having attained more education than your peers, and having a high drive to succeed. You may be seen as a threat by others willing to advance their careers by any means, ethical or not.

Additionally, people do not like to be made to look like fools when their mistakes are mentioned to team members or superiors. I ran into this problem when management began having scheduled informal talks with team members, and I was asked by a senior VP in the presence of team members what went wrong with a project. Stupid me, unable to lie just gave a concise answer which placed responsibility clearly on one group of individuals. I got into trouble immediately for truthfully answering a question I was asked. A year later all the people responsible for project difficulties had been fired, but I was still seen as a non-team player.

I continued improving my skills and seeking career advancement by pursuing education. This does not work, because now I have two Masters degrees and a PhD, and 8/9 professional certifications. I am now told that I am overqualified, but do technical work very well. So I am pigeon-holed in a technical job that I am an expert in.

I am now 61 and have given up hopes of being promoted. Now I am too old and overqualified. But last year my area was downsized, and I accepted the work performed by the people who were downsized. The result is our productivity improved 60% and quality also improved because I rarely make mistakes. So now I work more or less autonomously, with no one within two aisles of my workstation. I guess I am satisfied, because I have given up worrying about advancement.

The bottom line is one needs social skills more than technical skills to advance their career. Technical skills are important, but unless you have political skills you will not advance. And too much education and qualifications scares people.
 
Last edited:
Hello, SlyCargo.

What I see missing from all your posts is the effect of your interactions on the team. You just don't seem to value a functioning, successful team. You are excellent individually, but you are not helping the others in their efforts to work toward a common goal.

I am not sure this can happen for you, but if I were to suggest a remedy, it would be to study organizational leadership. Instead of focusing on excelling in your own work, focus on building good relations with co-workers, and in that way, increase your beneficial influence on the world. This may mean some behaviors outside your skill set or comfort level, such as becoming a better listener, using small talk and conversation to build connection, praise and complimenting, actively promoting the successes of your peers, and so on.

These are hard things for autistic people to learn, but they are probably why you are not advancing. Try to view your work as not being all about you, but rather, working together with others.

Good luck, and welcome to the forum.
 

New Threads

Top Bottom