Never accept a lift on a first date

[Mattymatt]

Imprisonment, unfortunately often does not help. These people do need help, and cannot control themselves. Neither can pedophiles, which most people do not know, but pedophilism ilies within abnormal brain chemistry...it’s not about “choice” to not do bad things! They cannot help it. It’s a disability, which most people would heavily and angrily debate (of course), due to moral, emotional, and political objectives. Scientifically, it’s difficult to change your brain chemistry w/o drugs, intensive cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and perhaps electric shock.

I worked with pedophiles in the past job. They are typecast for life, even though the one was only 20 when he got caught, did 4 years in prison (isolated from general populations), and was trying to follow the rules of probation, and find a job. He has slight cognitive difficulties- which is something other pedophiles often have too.

Anyways, once again, I got off topic from this thread. Sorry.

You're actually quite correct. But they do somehow need to be separated from society for public safety's sake.

 

[Judge]

Apart from the worst case scenario of rape, there's also one other rather simple consideration.

Even under the safest of conditions, would you want to invite the awkwardness of being taken home by someone you have either overtly rejected or implied as much over a date that didn't go well?

 

[Tom]

I don't know how much this applies, but even as a male I never liked being dependent on another person for a ride in my hang out with friends days. I don't like being stuck having to stay longer then I care to or forced into situations I would of my own avoid. So my usual modus operandi was to meet people there with my own car and stay with the group or leave at my own digression.

 

[Iamnotarabot]

Meh, rape is against the law, he broke said law, therefore he should've been arrested.

Do you see?

You know their is a big gap between the law and how it is applied.

First you need evidence and im not even sure that those "evidences" were even gathered back in the 70' in that type of crime.

When you engage that type of action and it failed, I think this is even worst to recover from it. It is made public and if you loose then people think that you are the criminal.

Then you have so many feelings that block you , I didnt suffer from such a crime like rape or abuse but I got molested and threatened couple times and you know what you feel at that moment is that you are somehow responsible of what happened to you , so you dont look for help, and in addition you just dont want to think about it anymore. You just withdraw in your room try to put that in the back of your head and when your body is messing with you you try to deal with it aswell ( when you understand this is related, that wasnt my case.)

I had opportunities to seek help , I got asked if I wanted some help and I declined, The year that it happened to me I just couldnt work at school the way I used to anymore, and many times I think about it again. I think the majority of people getting molested or abused just dont seek help , this is just how humans deal with that and im sure this is the same NT or not.

One last thing, for anyone about to get on my case for anything I have said here, please understand that I am able to dissassociate my own past problems from working with the justice impacted in an objective manner. Someone has got to help them, and I am interested in why people do what they do, criminal / deviant / abusive behavior, or not. We need to understand, not hate, and I am able to work with this population.

With what you went throught i'm glad you made it out alive, I guess this is still a permanent struggle and I wish you the best.
But sincerly , the way you managed to have that attitude , helping people that broke the law with the worst offences.
I am realy respectful of your decision.

But I dont know how you managed to have this mindset, I mean, I didnt suffere from what you did, but what I underwent never left me and changed my life for ever, and my point of view about criminality is like the opposite of the spectrum from where you stand.

This is weird because to some degree I know you are closer to the truth than me , but , maybe it is a need for vengeance that I have, but I think that , even if many criminals didnt choose their path, a lot of them did.

 

[OlLiE]

never accept a ride from someone you don't know

i would organise for someone to pick me up at a specific time/place

that way you have a ride and a predetermined time to leave, the person you meet will also be warned that if you don't show up for your ride on time, that alarms will go off

 

[OlLiE]

by the way, there are sports watches that now allow live tracking, when you start a run or a cycle etc, it sends a link to a selected contact, so they can see where you are in real time, some also have an alarm beacon, when you activate it it sends a message with your location

 

[paloftoon]

You should only accept a ride the first time around if you don't think you'd mind having sex with the person. In general, yes, it's best just not to accept. If they ask once, maybe twice, it's okay to say no. If they persist after 2 or 3 times, then consider "running" if they don't have a good reason such as you got yourself drunk or something like that.

Recently, I had accepted a ride from a person the first time I met him, and he even slightly joked about it. I had two reasons though, and I told him one of them. He popped up as a friend off of social media to add at random in which I shared a friend that he shared. That made me feel comfortable enough to feel him out based on the conversation and that mutual connection. The second reason, which I didn't say (I only would've if he asked lol) was that I wouldn't have minded the sex. Also, it helps that I knew the area super well if I had to consider running or something like that.

 

[Aeolienne]

These postings about rape remind me of another conversation I had at university. I was talking to someone who knew someone who was a volunteer for the rape crisis line, as in receiving calls from victims. I wondered what the volunteers do with the callers and was told that they just offer a sympathetic ear. To which I said, "But don't they offer practical advice, as in how to get the morning-after pill, report the incident to the police or get anti-viral treatments?" I found it very odd that they wouldn't, especially given that all those three courses of action have to be taken as soon as possible after the sexual encounter in order to be effective(AFAIK). Does that make me sound really insensitive, like someone who just doesn't get what rape victims go through?

 

[LucyPurrs]

Does that make me sound really insensitive, like someone who just doesn't get what rape victims go through?

No I think that makes you helpful in a meaningful way as you can lend an understanding ear and also give out that information.

 

[Aeolienne]

No I think that makes you helpful in a meaningful way as you can lend an understanding ear and also give out that information.

I'm reminded of what my mum used to say when I was little and tripped over and fell into a muddy puddle: "Get up first, then cry!" Some people I've told that to say it sounds really harsh; I've always thought it made perfectly good sense.

Even back when I was a student, I was aware that some people would not want to go through the ordeal of reliving a rape incident through the judicial process. Also some people have religious objections to emergency contraception (although I'll bet that most would make an exception if it were their own body at stake).

 

[Dalton]

This is why i take my privacy very serious

 

[Aeolienne]

I think what can also be added now is: don't give out your phone number until you get to know the person a bit.

Conversely, if you offer to exchange numbers with someone and they don't reciprocate, you're entitled to get suspicious as to why they might not want you contacting them (i.e. they're cheating on their partner).

Apparently there's an app (Burner) which you can use to create a temporary mobile number. Or at least there was back in 2015...