Negative reactions towards Asperger's.

[inmyworld20]

So just recently, I told who I thought as a close group of peers ( my nursing clinical group and instructor) that my brother has Asperger's and I have self diagnosed myself, as well. The first reaction I got was "you aren't going to bring in a gun and shoot everyone are you?"......... I didn't even know HOW to respond to that! I guess it was them associating what the media has posted about that kid who shot those school children. I am not prone to violence and neither is my brother. I get angry like everyone else in the world but I couldn't hurt a fly. My question is, if and when I get a diagnosis, should I even tell anyone other than family??? I am actively involved in autism awareness but so many people have the wrong idea about this! Help!

 

[Spinning Compass]

I share your frustration. Recently there was a social media flareup involving a little boy who had a meltdown while having his hair cut at a rather high-end salon. The owner, who I understand doesn't have a very good reputation for people skills, apparently lashed out at the child and his mother and triggered a firestorm of responses because the child happened to be autistic. I noticed however that none of the people who leaped to the little boy's defense identified themselves as being autistic. So I wrote a letter to the editor (hopefully they will publish it) saying that perhaps one of the reasons you don't hear from people with autism is that autism's defenders and advocates have done a really wonderful job linking autism and public misbehavior. These well-meaning folks don't stop to think what image they are perpetuating. I asked "why is it that you always hear when an autistic child has a meltdown, but you never hear about an autistic child behaving in a socially acceptable manner?"

This is what I have started to do. Whenever a parent tells me that his or her child is misbehaving because they have autism, I look them in the eye (not easy!) and say in a calm but firm voice, "So do I. And I don't appreciate autism awareness being raised in such a fashion. Do you realize that you may be making it harder for people with autism to get jobs and participate in society?"

 

[Soup]

What ISM is it when untold thousands of NTs misbehave, kill their spouse, rob liquor stores, steal cars, embezzle money from their workplace, molest kids & so all sorts of dastardly things that they cannot attribute to any kind of Autism?

I've seen it far too often as a teacher: a kid on the spectrum misbehaves (as ALL kids do from time to time) & all the adults go nuts & overreact. For some mystifying reason, it ALWAYS has to do with Autism. When a NT kid does the same thing, they make the effort to learn why the meltdown or misbehaviour happened.

 

[Christian T]

I think autism, or any psychological condition for that matter, is just such a conveniently simple explanation that few people can resist it. Perhaps such people feel there's no need to question these incidents any further to find out the explanation for this type of behaviour. You can simply say that someone is not an NT therefore they must be psychotic and out of touch with reality. Case closed.

Boy, humans love to boast about their complex brain structure, but too often they don't bother to use the extra space in their left frontal lobes to analyse a subject in full.

There was an incident at my school last year that was very quick to spread around the gossip grape vine in which a 16-year-old boy "randomly" attacked an older student very aggressively. In view of the trauma that the onlookers might have experienced, a whole school assembly was arranged to "explain" the incident. We were basically told that the boy was sent away and not to worry because we'd never have to have anything to do with him again. I don't even know if he was autistic, apparently they thought it was enough to know that he wasn't an NT. One of the co-ordinators at least understood that the noisy environment of the study centre might have triggered that response, but, as Soup and SpinningCompass have pointed out, a comparison with how this incident would have been dealt with if it was an NT is very revealing.

If it was an NT, people would certainly want to know the full story of what caused the event, what caused him to lash out, what did the other person do to him, what had happened prior etc. As it was a first time, he would have been suspended, or expelled, but not "sent away" to where such foul, hellish creatures belong.

Anyway, inmyworld20, I always believe that an Aspie should inform everyone that needs to know about their Syndrome. Explain it as best as you can to them though, talking about how it affects you personally, and if you have time you could have a discussion about diagnosis and the history of the Syndrome and all that, but make sure they understand you.

You can't really hide Asperger's. People will always eventually discover you have it, even if they can't put a name to it, and can't understand it. I think you might as well explain it to them. It's the only way to combat these generalisations, and they really are no excuse. Withholding that information because you're afraid they'll assume that you're violent is like being afraid to tell people that you're a Muslim because you expect them to think you're a terrorist. In my view, both cases are equally ridiculous and unjust.

 

[Aalo]

This "player" culture, where socially screwed males try to trick girls with really ...interesting techniques, is blooming in here where I live. It's noticed among people, that most of these players are (self diagnosed?) aspies, and therefore AS is now a synonym for stupid socially unable person that not by any means tries to fit in, is a smug and a jerk. This is somewhat new to me. For some times ago I didn't know that word autistic is used as a taunting word. It's like new gay, or when I was a child people laughed at cp-disability. None makes gay jokes in here anymore. Except that AS is not a joke but really mean and underestimating adjective.

In presence of people that don't know about my diagnosis I always try to be a voice of reason. I tell them, as a nt-person, that "they're not all that bad, I know few, and they can be interesting and ... even that they have their difficulties." I'd like to make them think even just a bit that it's not a conviction, but I think none listens me, or is interested in what I say. I have no way of telling if they suspect me, but that doesn't bother me.

 

[Ste11aeres]

I was upset to read on this blog Walking Nightmares for Medical Students that (according to the blog author) the fact that the TV character Sherlock was upset when someone was killed by a bomb, or when there was the probability that his friend would be killed by a bomb meant that he couldn't be an Aspie.

 

[Loomis]

I freely share my autism diagnosis because it can help people understand me better. For example, A person who knew I am aspie said something and I took it literally. When I realized somewhat late it was a joke I said: "I tend to take things literally." The person responded: "I've noticed that."

The reactions I get from people when I tell them I have autism are almost universally positive. However, I was left speechless by a recent response when a woman replied: "Is that the same as idiot-savant?"

 

[Christian T]

I cannot decide if their reaction is because of guilt or they can’t deal with the reality that I am an Aspie.

I would say that it's because AS is a challenging thing to understand holistically. People usually oversimplify (as with the "idiot-savant" thing, which, apart from being obviously offensive, shows an ignorance of any of the symptoms of AS other than focused obsessions) or dismiss as being just a concocted excuse for a few personal flaws, which, at a glance, AS can often seem to be. I suppose it's natural to belittle and treat simplistically the things we struggle to understand.

 

[Judge]

So just recently, I told who I thought as a close group of peers ( my nursing clinical group and instructor) that my brother has Asperger's and I have self diagnosed myself, as well. The first reaction I got was "you aren't going to bring in a gun and shoot everyone are you?"......... I didn't even know HOW to respond to that! I guess it was them associating what the media has posted about that kid who shot those school children. I am not prone to violence and neither is my brother. I get angry like everyone else in the world but I couldn't hurt a fly. My question is, if and when I get a diagnosis, should I even tell anyone other than family??? I am actively involved in autism awareness but so many people have the wrong idea about this! Help!

I soooooooooo fear these kind of reactions. At this point I can see possibly sharing it with one or two of my closest relatives, but to allow the medical community turn me into a potential "person of interest" distresses me to no end, in a society that so easily stigmatizes mental health issues.

 

[myk384]

I freely share my autism diagnosis because it can help people understand me better. For example, A person who knew I am aspie said something and I took it literally. When I realized somewhat late it was a joke I said: "I tend to take things literally." The person responded: "I've noticed that."

The reactions I get from people when I tell them I have autism are almost universally positive. However, I was left speechless by a recent response when a woman replied: "Is that the same as idiot-savant?"

My parents told me not to tell my classmates that I have this syndrome especially they would make fun and shame of me. This syndrome is something unnoticed in the Philippines. I told them to clear things up and my parents told me that was very stupid of me and I would use this as a reason to continue my outbursts in school. However, I face it like a challenge to be free of it. Besides, we are great and born to be successful.

 

[Axeman52]

These kind of reactions are the reason i have only told my closest friend about my 'self-diagnosis' and she seemed to react well and i think i've got a little bit closer to her because she understands how she can be helpful and supportive. The only problem is, she's since started going a little bit overboard with the praise she gives me for doing things she knows people with aspergers generally find difficult that she just never used to comment on before, and i find that a bit condescending.

I don't really know how my immediate family will react if i tell them. i know my parents are aware of a lot of things that they acknowledge are 'odd' about me and they will always just call it 'odd', but because i have good reason to think they are under the impression that aspergers/autism is like this kind of 'rain man' thing (because i've heard the way they talk about it), they would probably just say "no don't be silly you're not THAT odd" or something, if i told them i think i have aspergers.

 

[Sathington Willoughby]

I only told one person ever, he seemed cool about it and said "oh that makes a lot of sense, I work with someone with Asperger's thats a lot like you" He never talked to me again.

 

[Ereth]

Like the rest of you, I've gotten some negative reactions from time to time about my Asperger's . . . even back before I knew what the deal was. Most of the bullying originated with people's observations of my cerebral palsy, which makes me walk a little differently, but I have heard plenty of stuff that I can now associate with my AS.

Aalo:

It's my understanding that some people now like to use Asperger's Syndrome as an excuse for their poor behavior towards others (usually on the Internet). Granted, some of us actually DO have to explain to folks that we don't have the social filter they do, but the fact that autism is being misappropriated by a few Internet malcontents doesn't make it any easier.

And people with disabilities have ALWAYS been treated like crap. It's really nothing new. We've only begun to advocate for ourselves very recently.

Anyway, I've not had TOO much of a "direct" problem with people treating me badly because of my Asperger's---except from my parents and brother, who are still struggling to understand and accept it three years after my diagnosis. But I'm not angry with them. They just don't know what it's like, which isn't their fault.

 

[Axeman52]

It's my understanding that some people now like to use Asperger's Syndrome as an excuse for their poor behavior towards others (usually on the Internet). Granted, some of us actually DO have to explain to folks that we don't have the social filter they do, but the fact that autism is being misappropriated by a few Internet malcontents doesn't make it any easier.

Oh yeah, I notice that. I can't help but think the majority of people who are using it as an excuse for poor behaviour on the internet are actually just lying about it - because it's easy to get away with lying on the internet. I would even go as far as to say that those people are significantly responsible for a lot of the negativity most of us want to avoid.