Hi everyone. This is my first post and I will probably write a small book. I am apologizing in advance for that!
I'm not even sure where to start. I have a bunch of jumbled thoughts that are trying hard to be cohesive.
First let me say that I joined this forum because of my 11 year old. I've been a SAHM since he was born. When he was a baby there were times were I questioned my ability as a mother because he was so VERY difficult. I thought I was doing something wrong. Most nights I went to bed in tears. Fast forward to start of school. Kindergarten was fine, home still hellacious. Teacher noticed nothing but a precocious 5 year old. And he was only there for half a day anyway. First grade was when the real issues started.
He is very bright, been identified as gifted. He is in 6th grade now and been reading at a high school level for almost 2 years now. Setting that aside, he has a million behavioral issues.
I have spent a good portion of his school years in conference after conference with his teachers. We used every avenue we could think of to help control his constant correcting of the teachers, trying to figure out why he couldn't thrive in a social setting, his lack of a filter when he spoke, his frequent in-class meltdowns. (And dear lord are they ever meltdowns.) Even now his meltdowns can rival that of the "terrible twos."
Nothing worked.
Finally, in 3rd grade the school psychologist observed him and did the Conner's scale. (for ADHD)
His initial DX was ADHD. But after a horrific bout with ADHD meds(he became very violent, suicidal, morbid thoughts etc) the psychiatrist pulled him off and DXed him bipolar. We switched to Abilify. That seemed to help mellow out some of the issues. But then he developed a bad facial tic and had to be taken off. We went through several meds after that, but NOTHING helped even a little. Somehow we landed back on a lower dosage of Abilify again. In the process of switching meds, trying to figure out what would work, somewhere the DX changed to Oppositional Defiance Disorder. I had no idea that his DX had changed until I told the school he was bipolar and they corrected me based on info from the good Dr. I was pretty embarrassed.
I have tried telling the psychiatrist that I am not really seeing any improvement at all. But he is simply refusing to make changes. I have tried looking for a new psychiatrist to no avail. Everyone is "not taking new patients" or a waiting list of a year or longer. I have felt like none of these DXS really fit him. His current diagnoses is the worst fit in my head. ODD comes with a person that apparently gets pleasure after having melt downs and angry outbursts. I can assure you there is NOTHING happy about my son after we go through a rough spot.
Fast forward to this week. Someone brought Asperger's to my attention. I have a family member with a pretty severe case of Asperger's. In my head there was no way that could be my son. Until I really started reading about it. And I realized just how much of it fit. It kind of hit me like a ton of bricks. I feel like I have been reading a story about my son this week. Like someone stayed with us for a while and wrote a book about him. The outbursts, the hand motions, the shocking things that he says (but when pointed out to him he can't understand why they are so shocking or rude), the obsessions with things, the never fitting in anywhere. The list goes on. And On. And on.(any of this sound familiar?) Needless to say my emotions have rivaled his this week. I have been on a roller coaster.
I know most of you probably have a formal DX for yourself or the loved one in your life. Please don't judge me that he doesn't-yet. I'm working that direction. I found a few dr's that directly deal with Asperger's/Autism Spectrum, and have called and e-mailed. I am waiting for responses from them to hopefully get the ball rolling.
I am also working on a meeting with his teacher and his school counselor. He started a new school this year, a charter school. In some aspects it is going well, in others it is not. He has seemed to finally find a place where he can make friends. At least more than the 1 he had in his old school. The school is Science, Technology, Engineering and Math. There are a lot of kids there that don't fit the mold of an average 11 year old. He seems to be doing much better from a social aspect because he has found kids that share his same obsessions, that will listen to him talk about them day in and day out, because that's what they like too. I am ever so grateful for that. Seeing him so lonely and so outcast as his old school was heartbreaking for me. I watched friends he got very close to pull away from him because of how different he is, and I hated that there was nothing I could do about it.
But his grades are suffering now. And here is where I have a few questions. Because with Asperger's/Autism spectrum being a very real possibility I am feeling a bit lost.
He has always been a straight A student. In his whole elementary life he only brought home 1 B and he was devastated. End of the grading period as his new school was this week. He's bringing home all A's and B's and one C. The C is the problem. The grading scale is much different. There is A,B, C and F. No D because the percentages for each letter grade are so large. His C is 2 points away from an F/ 69%. What the bad grade is coming from: A total inability to organize, he has to assignments that he lost and didn't turn in. Those give him automatic zeros. And one bad grade on a project. I have seen issues that were minor in elementary turn into MAJOR now that he is in middle school. He has a total inability to manage time. With the lacking organizational skills, he is really floundering. I should mention that this isn't the only class he has a missing assignment in. Just the only one where he has 2 plus a bad grade on a big project.
Going with the current literal diagnoses, I thought his organizational skills were him just being lazy to be honest. I have been pretty hard on him this year because he is not doing as well as he normally does. I told him last week that if he brought home a C he was grounded. Apparently that affected him bad enough to have a pretty intense meltdown in class when he realized he was getting a C.
So my question is this. With the super strong suspicion that he falls somewhere on the spectrum, am I expecting to much currently? He has gone through some pretty overwhelming changes. A city move (for his school) a school change, being with me full time and only seeing his dad every other weekend. I know it's probably a muddled wreck in his head right now. Combining that with the fact that changing from elementary to middle school is hard enough for the NT child, let alone him. I feel like maybe he hasn't been given the proper tools that he needs to succeed here, because I didn't know what I was dealing with. That maybe I am putting to much pressure without understanding that potentially some of the skills that he doesn't have aren't from having a lack of motivation but because his head makes it incredibly difficult for him. Do I stick with the punishment I told him-keeping my expectations high? Or do I explain that with is being first quarter and having issues that need a lot of work (hopefully the right dr can help) that he has the next quarter to make it up? I don't know. I don't even know if I expect an answer from anyone. I just need to let this all out somewhere.
I am feeling really overwhelmed right now by this. (and a lot of other issues with him. I just figured this was already long enough.) I am also feeling major guilt that he potentially hasn't been getting the kind of treatment he needs. Like that is my failing as a parent somehow. And sad. And some relief because finally, in almost 12 years, I feel like I am going in the right direction for him.
Anwho..If you wasted time in your day to read this, I really do appreciate it. If anyone has any suggestions about what I asked, or well, really anything to do with this whole situation, I would really appreciate that also.
( and I am sorry as this is not quite as abridged as I thought it would be)
Thanks!
I'm not even sure where to start. I have a bunch of jumbled thoughts that are trying hard to be cohesive.
First let me say that I joined this forum because of my 11 year old. I've been a SAHM since he was born. When he was a baby there were times were I questioned my ability as a mother because he was so VERY difficult. I thought I was doing something wrong. Most nights I went to bed in tears. Fast forward to start of school. Kindergarten was fine, home still hellacious. Teacher noticed nothing but a precocious 5 year old. And he was only there for half a day anyway. First grade was when the real issues started.
He is very bright, been identified as gifted. He is in 6th grade now and been reading at a high school level for almost 2 years now. Setting that aside, he has a million behavioral issues.
I have spent a good portion of his school years in conference after conference with his teachers. We used every avenue we could think of to help control his constant correcting of the teachers, trying to figure out why he couldn't thrive in a social setting, his lack of a filter when he spoke, his frequent in-class meltdowns. (And dear lord are they ever meltdowns.) Even now his meltdowns can rival that of the "terrible twos."
Nothing worked.
Finally, in 3rd grade the school psychologist observed him and did the Conner's scale. (for ADHD)
His initial DX was ADHD. But after a horrific bout with ADHD meds(he became very violent, suicidal, morbid thoughts etc) the psychiatrist pulled him off and DXed him bipolar. We switched to Abilify. That seemed to help mellow out some of the issues. But then he developed a bad facial tic and had to be taken off. We went through several meds after that, but NOTHING helped even a little. Somehow we landed back on a lower dosage of Abilify again. In the process of switching meds, trying to figure out what would work, somewhere the DX changed to Oppositional Defiance Disorder. I had no idea that his DX had changed until I told the school he was bipolar and they corrected me based on info from the good Dr. I was pretty embarrassed.
I have tried telling the psychiatrist that I am not really seeing any improvement at all. But he is simply refusing to make changes. I have tried looking for a new psychiatrist to no avail. Everyone is "not taking new patients" or a waiting list of a year or longer. I have felt like none of these DXS really fit him. His current diagnoses is the worst fit in my head. ODD comes with a person that apparently gets pleasure after having melt downs and angry outbursts. I can assure you there is NOTHING happy about my son after we go through a rough spot.
Fast forward to this week. Someone brought Asperger's to my attention. I have a family member with a pretty severe case of Asperger's. In my head there was no way that could be my son. Until I really started reading about it. And I realized just how much of it fit. It kind of hit me like a ton of bricks. I feel like I have been reading a story about my son this week. Like someone stayed with us for a while and wrote a book about him. The outbursts, the hand motions, the shocking things that he says (but when pointed out to him he can't understand why they are so shocking or rude), the obsessions with things, the never fitting in anywhere. The list goes on. And On. And on.(any of this sound familiar?) Needless to say my emotions have rivaled his this week. I have been on a roller coaster.
I know most of you probably have a formal DX for yourself or the loved one in your life. Please don't judge me that he doesn't-yet. I'm working that direction. I found a few dr's that directly deal with Asperger's/Autism Spectrum, and have called and e-mailed. I am waiting for responses from them to hopefully get the ball rolling.
I am also working on a meeting with his teacher and his school counselor. He started a new school this year, a charter school. In some aspects it is going well, in others it is not. He has seemed to finally find a place where he can make friends. At least more than the 1 he had in his old school. The school is Science, Technology, Engineering and Math. There are a lot of kids there that don't fit the mold of an average 11 year old. He seems to be doing much better from a social aspect because he has found kids that share his same obsessions, that will listen to him talk about them day in and day out, because that's what they like too. I am ever so grateful for that. Seeing him so lonely and so outcast as his old school was heartbreaking for me. I watched friends he got very close to pull away from him because of how different he is, and I hated that there was nothing I could do about it.
But his grades are suffering now. And here is where I have a few questions. Because with Asperger's/Autism spectrum being a very real possibility I am feeling a bit lost.
He has always been a straight A student. In his whole elementary life he only brought home 1 B and he was devastated. End of the grading period as his new school was this week. He's bringing home all A's and B's and one C. The C is the problem. The grading scale is much different. There is A,B, C and F. No D because the percentages for each letter grade are so large. His C is 2 points away from an F/ 69%. What the bad grade is coming from: A total inability to organize, he has to assignments that he lost and didn't turn in. Those give him automatic zeros. And one bad grade on a project. I have seen issues that were minor in elementary turn into MAJOR now that he is in middle school. He has a total inability to manage time. With the lacking organizational skills, he is really floundering. I should mention that this isn't the only class he has a missing assignment in. Just the only one where he has 2 plus a bad grade on a big project.
Going with the current literal diagnoses, I thought his organizational skills were him just being lazy to be honest. I have been pretty hard on him this year because he is not doing as well as he normally does. I told him last week that if he brought home a C he was grounded. Apparently that affected him bad enough to have a pretty intense meltdown in class when he realized he was getting a C.
So my question is this. With the super strong suspicion that he falls somewhere on the spectrum, am I expecting to much currently? He has gone through some pretty overwhelming changes. A city move (for his school) a school change, being with me full time and only seeing his dad every other weekend. I know it's probably a muddled wreck in his head right now. Combining that with the fact that changing from elementary to middle school is hard enough for the NT child, let alone him. I feel like maybe he hasn't been given the proper tools that he needs to succeed here, because I didn't know what I was dealing with. That maybe I am putting to much pressure without understanding that potentially some of the skills that he doesn't have aren't from having a lack of motivation but because his head makes it incredibly difficult for him. Do I stick with the punishment I told him-keeping my expectations high? Or do I explain that with is being first quarter and having issues that need a lot of work (hopefully the right dr can help) that he has the next quarter to make it up? I don't know. I don't even know if I expect an answer from anyone. I just need to let this all out somewhere.
I am feeling really overwhelmed right now by this. (and a lot of other issues with him. I just figured this was already long enough.) I am also feeling major guilt that he potentially hasn't been getting the kind of treatment he needs. Like that is my failing as a parent somehow. And sad. And some relief because finally, in almost 12 years, I feel like I am going in the right direction for him.
Anwho..If you wasted time in your day to read this, I really do appreciate it. If anyone has any suggestions about what I asked, or well, really anything to do with this whole situation, I would really appreciate that also.
( and I am sorry as this is not quite as abridged as I thought it would be)
Thanks!