ChrisC1983
Well-Known Member
granted this is specific just to me.. but it may apply to others and could be helpful for NT or even other aspie people to "read" people similar to myself
anyway...... i can't initiate.. anything. i'll respond to a person talking without a problem. ask me a question or for my opinion or something direct like that? answer received, no issues. but i can't walk up to somebody and talk about any topic for any reason
that's not to say i'm rude...... if i see somebody i know (or don't but it's a 1st meeting sort of thing) i can ask stuff like "how are you?" level things. if the person says "bad, my back has been hurting me lately" then i can go on about that.. "what's wrong with your back?" and suggestions/advice to help. but if they say "i'm ok"... then thats it, i'm done talking until they say something directed towards me.
now, if i kind of like the person.. i might follow up with a 2nd question or comment.. maybe something like "did you have fun yesterday?" (if they went out yesterday) or "omg this heat is terrible isn't it?" with a couple blips and blurbs to follow..... i imagine that is the level that somebody would ask somebody out on a date (somewhat unfamiliar with them but you know you have a mutual interest and are both single)
now, if i skip the basic "how are you" and go right to "how is your mother? i know you said she was sick last week... is she feeling any better?" then i'm basically at a point (maybe not exactly, but very very close) where if you ask me to move in with you, i'm going to seriously consider it if not just jump at the chance. even if we've never dated or really even hung out outside of whatever situation we usually meet (lets say coworkers) and if i know enough about your past to be sure you fit in my screwed up strict morality bubble, i can pretty much get married on the spot
i can still talk to people at the same level... if somebody tells me their mother is sick and i give a hell about that person, i'll remember it and ask (but it will probably be something i need to be reminded of... be it directly or indirectly. so, you mentioning your sick mother or maybe some random whoever calling some other random whoever "one sick mother F'er".. clicking "sick" and "mother" in my brain while i'm talking to that person).... but if they don't fit in that morality bubble or they're too young/old or a guy (since i'm straight) or they're dating somebody then i'm guaranteed to not have interest in them. if they are single, and female, and around my age and fit in my morality bubble (and at this point it's hypothetical because i rarely meet anybody who fits in that bubble) but for some reason or another i don't like them... as i said, in this case i need to be reminded of their mother. because although i do care, it's not a focus of mine.. whereas if i like them, it is
of course the only way to notice ANY of that is with a 3rd party pointing it out (which is why i'm typing this, since clearly from a direct standpoint it's just "normal" chatting for many people) or (again, hypothetical and based on the attention the girl was giving to my before) if she started out at that "how are you?" level and took a few months to see me gradually talk to her more and bring up specific topics while not doing that with other people. but even in that case, it's still probably going to register as a "does he like me or is he just being nice?" since the difference is subtle
just figured i'd jot it out... i was going to bed and it popped in my head. i've been annoyed with myself for a while because how that whole thing works even annoys me. but i can't "fix" it because any other way doesn't seem right to me. i can go slow or fast with it, but the steps still end up the same.
anyway...... i can't initiate.. anything. i'll respond to a person talking without a problem. ask me a question or for my opinion or something direct like that? answer received, no issues. but i can't walk up to somebody and talk about any topic for any reason
that's not to say i'm rude...... if i see somebody i know (or don't but it's a 1st meeting sort of thing) i can ask stuff like "how are you?" level things. if the person says "bad, my back has been hurting me lately" then i can go on about that.. "what's wrong with your back?" and suggestions/advice to help. but if they say "i'm ok"... then thats it, i'm done talking until they say something directed towards me.
now, if i kind of like the person.. i might follow up with a 2nd question or comment.. maybe something like "did you have fun yesterday?" (if they went out yesterday) or "omg this heat is terrible isn't it?" with a couple blips and blurbs to follow..... i imagine that is the level that somebody would ask somebody out on a date (somewhat unfamiliar with them but you know you have a mutual interest and are both single)
now, if i skip the basic "how are you" and go right to "how is your mother? i know you said she was sick last week... is she feeling any better?" then i'm basically at a point (maybe not exactly, but very very close) where if you ask me to move in with you, i'm going to seriously consider it if not just jump at the chance. even if we've never dated or really even hung out outside of whatever situation we usually meet (lets say coworkers) and if i know enough about your past to be sure you fit in my screwed up strict morality bubble, i can pretty much get married on the spot
i can still talk to people at the same level... if somebody tells me their mother is sick and i give a hell about that person, i'll remember it and ask (but it will probably be something i need to be reminded of... be it directly or indirectly. so, you mentioning your sick mother or maybe some random whoever calling some other random whoever "one sick mother F'er".. clicking "sick" and "mother" in my brain while i'm talking to that person).... but if they don't fit in that morality bubble or they're too young/old or a guy (since i'm straight) or they're dating somebody then i'm guaranteed to not have interest in them. if they are single, and female, and around my age and fit in my morality bubble (and at this point it's hypothetical because i rarely meet anybody who fits in that bubble) but for some reason or another i don't like them... as i said, in this case i need to be reminded of their mother. because although i do care, it's not a focus of mine.. whereas if i like them, it is
of course the only way to notice ANY of that is with a 3rd party pointing it out (which is why i'm typing this, since clearly from a direct standpoint it's just "normal" chatting for many people) or (again, hypothetical and based on the attention the girl was giving to my before) if she started out at that "how are you?" level and took a few months to see me gradually talk to her more and bring up specific topics while not doing that with other people. but even in that case, it's still probably going to register as a "does he like me or is he just being nice?" since the difference is subtle
just figured i'd jot it out... i was going to bed and it popped in my head. i've been annoyed with myself for a while because how that whole thing works even annoys me. but i can't "fix" it because any other way doesn't seem right to me. i can go slow or fast with it, but the steps still end up the same.
