My brother died

[All-Rounder]

My condolences, wish you are able to pull through without this leaving deep scars. Sending strength your way.

 

[Sarah S]

Yeh. I feel stressed because there were so many things that could prevent this but at the same time, it was an eventuality. I couldnt even talk to him because he was in an extremely manic episode for months. its devestating how there are people who slip through the cracks of society.

i think, what if he didnt kill himself? he would still be miserable because he never fit in :c

If i can give you one advice is do NOT blame youre self. You did what you could im shore. This was he´s choice to make and noone else. Yes well i have been falling thru the cracks since i was a we girl so belive me i know how that feels.

Still he COULD have someday find his inner piece and somehow manged to get some kind of dignified and happy life.

The never being able to fit in i know oh so well and its therefore i dont care anymore. Im ME either accept me as i am with all my diagnosis and all the rest or we can just go our separate ways simple as that. (this not mean i feel i can do whatever and act like a jerk and all the rest tho as i constantly learn how to better fit in tho)

What we all should keep in mind is we have to try our best to accept our diagnosis and or other problems and somehow learn to adapt according to them . And last try to make the best of what we got to work with in life and NEVER EVER give up. Nor feel any shame about any of our Diagnosis or problems. neither one of us asked to be born with them. and we still deserve the same amount of respect as any other human being on this earth.

 

[Joshua the Writer]

I'm sorry for your loss. I can relate to losing people I care about.

 

[zozie]

Condolences on your loss. I remember hating my brother when he was suicidal in my teens. He got so close so many times I wished he'd just get on with it. Now he's in his 40s, schizophrenic and often homeless, drifting from one shelter to the next. The family tries to care for him but when we take him in it seems to make him worse. He's fantasized about death for years.

My other brother has detached himself from this brother. My parents are more involved. I am, too, to the best of my abilities, which ebb and flow. We all have our own ways of dealing, and they're all okay.

I echo the sentiments about support and self-care during this time. Being kind to yourself and allowing grief to take whatever course it takes. If I may pass on the sentiment from a grief counselor that helped me the most when I was grieving a loss:

Don't expect grief to be logical. If you try to make sense of it, you'll drive yourself crazy.

For what it's worth, this helped me anchor myself during very hard times. But most importantly, do what works for you.

 

[UberScout]

It is often said the people having the best days are suffering the worst pain.

He is one with the stars now.

I can only feel your own feelings at this, my friend. The grief is a feeling no man, woman or child deserves to feel. It is heavy, cold, sickening... If I could be there to take the low energy away, I would never hesitate to do so.

I cannot say I knew your brother, but I'm sure he meant well. You still have every right to feel the way you do; you are a human being, and these feelings are what make you human.

 

[Autistic Yoda]

i think, what if he didnt kill himself? he would still be miserable because he never fit in :c

Most of these responses are so conventional and ordinary, they feel NT. But I recognize that not every life is worth continuing into old age. If your brother was just suffering as a misfit in poor mental health, perhaps taking himself off the board was the best available solution for himself and for your family. Maybe this comment is repulsive, but perhaps I'm just saying what I believe everyone else is really thinking.

 

[Au Naturel]

Not a reason to hate someone. More a reason to pity them. One ought not to hate someone for something they have no control over. He didn't want to be that way.

Hating hurts you with no benefit to you.

The loss of a sibling is a sad occasion, regardless. My own sister died and nobody bothered to tell me. The funeral service came and went and the obituary was generic. That is painful, too.

 

[Moonhart44]

I am very sorry to hear that your brother has died, and also about how difficult his life was, and how that affected you and others too. It must be very challenging to cope with this. Can you say any more about what you are worried will happen? Is it that you will get really low yourself? Do you have any ways to get support if so?

I guess i am just worried about becoming depressed. i am already depressed, but i jsut dont know how the workings of how things eat at you. i dont really feel i have anyone to support me. I feel more alone now than ever. I feel like everyone around me is ablist or enabled him to be where he is. I feel that its my mom's fault, and I feel that if she had only listened to me then he would have survied for longer. But at the same time, the end was inevitable. I even broke up with my bf again bevause he was just no help. in this I have found a lot of hate for toher people. who ever has reached out is my enemy, hoping to see me be vulberable because they long to see that. but to them i say, i cannot be vulnerable to unaccomplished people whos only goal is to bring people down or keep people down,. that is why they praise my tragedy, because it brings me down to them, it gives them an excuse to touch me or pry or see my cry or so they think. I say this because they have all betrayed me and they think because i am forgiving we are friends. I am only professional and cordial. I am not any of your guy's friends.
i remember having frineds even tell me this, meaning i am not making this up out of my butt. We are evidently not friends.
i do truly wish i could feel vulnerable. but there is no one here worthy around me. in my opinon.

 

[Moonhart44]

I am so sorry.

I have been through something similar but not with a sibling. It is a very difficult mix of feelings to process. Especially when I have felt guilt for difficult feelings towards someone who then died. Of course I will do Tonglen for you!

Thank you. I grew up with him, and even as a child, i saw how he'd become, but i guess not to such a severe level. When i talk about it, it seem like i am making it up. Feels surreal

 

[Moonhart44]

Most of these responses are so conventional and ordinary, they feel NT. But I recognize that not every life is worth continuing into old age. If your brother was just suffering as a misfit in poor mental health, perhaps taking himself off the board was the best available solution for himself and for your family. Maybe this comment is repulsive, but perhaps I'm just saying what I believe everyone else is really thinking.

I understand the comment. My brother was very volatile. so he would use the manipultion of "if i dont get what i want i will kill myself" several times. Very violent and i would clearly describe him as a 51/50 At this point i felt, in honesty, all of this drama is too much and let the inevitable come. but the anticipation was very depressing. although i didnt understand my feelings i felt sad randomly and would logically conclude it was because i knew the eventual fate of my brother. He has had many terrible events and it had affected greatly my mom. It has greatly affected me. But regardless of all that, he had no place in the world. he ciouldnt keep a job, was about to be evicted from his apt that he was in for only a week, became homeless on several occasions and got beat up and had many hypersexual episods and bought many prostitutes, gave away all his money immediately, and of course, thought he was God and the Devil at the same time. Society doesnt have a place for people like him, so it has been proven and it barely has a place for people like us in the forum.

 

[Moonhart44]

Not a reason to hate someone. More a reason to pity them. One ought not to hate someone for something they have no control over. He didn't want to be that way.

Hating hurts you with no benefit to you.

The loss of a sibling is a sad occasion, regardless. My own sister died and nobody bothered to tell me. The funeral service came and went and the obituary was generic. That is painful, too.

I don't hate the dead, so with his passing leaves from me my hatred. I think it's important to be honest and admit, yes i hated him and i found him to be evil. but at the same time, i do not think that he deserved such a fate.

 

[grommet]

In truth, I hated him. He was not safe. the more he unrravelled, the more secrets he exposed, and the more terrifying he became. But either way, it's not fair is all I can think. He never had a chance in this world. He was legally deaf, had hirschsprung's disease, extremely severly bipolar to the point where me and my mom wondered whether his multiple concussions from football caused any problems. He jumped off a four story building. the building was a psych ward.

I was surprised seeing you say that because my sister died a few years ago from cancer and I had the same feelings. She was my first and biggest bully in my life. She was a bad person and I cannot imagine her doing anything nice for anyone. When she was a teenager she worked at a family owned pharmacy and they treated her like she was part of their family. She stole from them constantly. She always lived that way.

I tell you all of this because when I learned she died I nearly died from grief. I did not expect that.

I haven't read to the end of the thread so I do not know your latest but I hope you are doing alright. I hope you get through this okay.

 

[Thinx]

Very sorry this is so tough, it's hard when a close family member dies, I think partly because even when there was difficult circumstances and hatred, there's sadness behind that, for what we didn't have, there's the final loss of hope of ever having that. I remember having that kind of grief when my father died, not that he was a terrible person, but more that it wasnt possible to get along with him easily, and he didn't take a great interest. There is the loss of that supportive person we always wished for, and actually never had.

Look after yourself, maybe don't hang around too long with anyone who isn't supportive at this time. Say goodbye to your brother and to what he never could be for you, and come home. This will pass, express your sadness, it will pass.

 

[Autistic Yoda]

I don't hate the dead, so with his passing leaves from me my hatred. I think it's important to be honest and admit, yes i hated him and i found him to be evil. but at the same time, i do not think that he deserved such a fate.

Moonhart44, here's one possible narrative you might find useful: Your brother took himself off the board boldly and harmlessly, a long term win-win. The suicidal and hopeless sometimes allow themselves to be recruited by violent radical groups. They become suicide terrorists, harming enemy religions/ideologies/races/police/feds/elites/foreigners or other 'enemy' groups on their way out in a delusional blaze of glory. Your brother was above creating national news, so perhaps his last act was one of redemption in the big picture.