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My brother died

Moonhart44

Moonhart44

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
In truth, I hated him. He was not safe. the more he unrravelled, the more secrets he exposed, and the more terrifying he became. But either way, it's not fair is all I can think. He never had a chance in this world. He was legally deaf, had hirschsprung's disease, extremely severly bipolar to the point where me and my mom wondered whether his multiple concussions from football caused any problems. He jumped off a four story building. the building was a psych ward.
 
Please accept my deepest condolences. The problem with being suicidal is (im severely suicidal btw Moderate Bipolar so belive me i know how deep you can fall in this) if we by whatever reason someday sink to far in this big dark deep pit. We will find a way to get it done (if we succeed or not thats another storry) So even as youre brother was in a psych ward im sad to say as been proven here he was still able to take this drastic WRONG desition :(
 
I'm sorry to hear about your brother. Hopefully with time there will be some things you can remember about him that can bring you good memories.
 
Kirsty said:
Will you be going to the funeral?
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Yes. I am going to have to fly to my home state. it is interesting asd based experience in that i am having a disconnection with my emotions but at the same time crying.i hate that my real emotions are delayed, and yes i have been crying, but i am afraid of the other ramifications that sill eventually show their heads.
 
Sarah S said:
Please accept my deepest condolences. The problem with being suicidal is (im severely suicidal btw Moderate Bipolar so belive me i know how deep you can fall in this) if we by whatever reason someday sink to far in this big dark deep pit. We will find a way to get it done (if we succeed or not thats another storry) So even as youre brother was in a psych ward im sad to say as been proven here he was still able to take this drastic WRONG desition :(
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Yeh. I feel stressed because there were so many things that could prevent this but at the same time, it was an eventuality. I couldnt even talk to him because he was in an extremely manic episode for months. its devestating how there are people who slip through the cracks of society. i think, what if he didnt kill himself? he would still be miserable because he never fit in :c
 
Moonhart44 said:
In truth, I hated him. He was not safe. the more he unrravelled, the more secrets he exposed, and the more terrifying he became. But either way, it's not fair is all I can think. He never had a chance in this world. He was legally deaf, had hirschsprung's disease, extremely severly bipolar to the point where me and my mom wondered whether his multiple concussions from football caused any problems. He jumped off a four story building. the building was a psych ward.
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I am so sorry to hear your brother has passed! Please accept my deepest condolences. I have had a few family member pass away these last few years and whether you loved them or couldn't get along with them it is still hard. He is at peace now, we are the ones left with the memories in our heads. Time heals but not forgotten!
 
VAW said:
I am so sorry to hear your brother has passed! Please accept my deepest condolences. I have had a few family member pass away these last few years and whether you loved them or couldn't get along with them it is still hard. He is at peace now, we are the ones left with the memories in our heads. Time heals but not forgotten!
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thank you. I feel like how my father felt (i believe) when his sister died. I remember as a kid hearing from my dads mouth "i hate her" and he never spoke like that. but when we watched her die, he collapsed. i never seen him cry or hug me. thank you
 
Moonhart44 said:
it is interesting asd based experience in that i am having a disconnection with my emotions but at the same time crying.i hate that my real emotions are delayed, and yes i have been crying, but i am afraid of the other ramifications that sill eventually show their heads.
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Firstly sorry to hear of your loss - it is never easy to hear this kind of news.
Secondly I can sympathise about the delay in emotions. I had a period of 10 years where I did not cry, which ended at my Grandfather's funeral.
Also be kind to yourself
 
I am very sorry to hear that your brother has died, and also about how difficult his life was, and how that affected you and others too. It must be very challenging to cope with this. Can you say any more about what you are worried will happen? Is it that you will get really low yourself? Do you have any ways to get support if so?
 
I am so sorry.

I have been through something similar but not with a sibling. It is a very difficult mix of feelings to process. Especially when I have felt guilt for difficult feelings towards someone who then died. Of course I will do Tonglen for you!
 
It's amazing the love-hate relationship we have with family members. Maybe he loved you but had no healthy way to express it. His limitations severely handicapped him. Maybe now he feels peaceful. Maybe you can feel some compassion and understanding as you move thru your lifetime. So sorry.
 
My condolences to you and others who knew your brother. I hope you can get help if you need that, and that when the time comes, that you may find peace.
 
I am very sorry for your loss and i understand about delayed emotions/reactions when my bother died it was four years and the death of a family pet that triggered bereavement, be kind to yourself and your responses, and am thinking of you.
 
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