Pariah Dog
Well-Known Member
First off to mod's I was not really sure which section to post this under, so if you feel it should be moved then be my guest.
When I was a teenager I was often sad or depressed about things. That is pretty common for a misfit kid I would thing. Especially for an aspie though who doesn't fit in the world around themselves and don't understand why (I didn't know about aspergers at the time). I often felt protected or empowered by certain music I liked. It would have like a security blanket effect. Usually it had to be music with a sad or dark attachment to it. One I would often listen to was Black Sabbath, in the original years with Ozzy Osboure. It just seemed to speak out to a misfit, it was dark, a little menacing, even a bit naive at times. Besides that I loved the instrumental bits and music structure itself. I moved onto other things and haven't really listened to Black Sabbath since I was 20 years old (I'm now 32).
Flash forward to the other day. I have been seeing a lady who I liked very much and it was seeming to go great. That was until she ended it and said she is not ready to enter a relationship. She was with a guy for 12 years and married and been separated for more than 2 years now with the divorce not finalized. I felt really awful after the departure. I had only walked a short way from her when it was over then the Black Sabbath song "Tomorrow's Dream" (which is relevant to the situation) started to play in my head and I walked away. Something I probably haven't even heard in 12 years.
The next morning in low spirits I had this instinctive urge to start listening to black sabbath. I played it on my mp3 player in my work vehicle signing along. It made me feel stronger and not so alone. Songs I have never heard in over a decade came back to me. It released what I would call a "mild orgasmic" kind of pleasure chemical in my brain to re-hear some musical structures that used to loop around in my head all day but I have since forgotten about. Only for a section of music to come back and I think "OMG I used to love this, I haven't even thought about it since then." I could honestly feel a surge of pleasure spawn at some points in music. Pretty intense.
I am curious as to if other aspies can relate to the phenomenon.
When I was a teenager I was often sad or depressed about things. That is pretty common for a misfit kid I would thing. Especially for an aspie though who doesn't fit in the world around themselves and don't understand why (I didn't know about aspergers at the time). I often felt protected or empowered by certain music I liked. It would have like a security blanket effect. Usually it had to be music with a sad or dark attachment to it. One I would often listen to was Black Sabbath, in the original years with Ozzy Osboure. It just seemed to speak out to a misfit, it was dark, a little menacing, even a bit naive at times. Besides that I loved the instrumental bits and music structure itself. I moved onto other things and haven't really listened to Black Sabbath since I was 20 years old (I'm now 32).
Flash forward to the other day. I have been seeing a lady who I liked very much and it was seeming to go great. That was until she ended it and said she is not ready to enter a relationship. She was with a guy for 12 years and married and been separated for more than 2 years now with the divorce not finalized. I felt really awful after the departure. I had only walked a short way from her when it was over then the Black Sabbath song "Tomorrow's Dream" (which is relevant to the situation) started to play in my head and I walked away. Something I probably haven't even heard in 12 years.
The next morning in low spirits I had this instinctive urge to start listening to black sabbath. I played it on my mp3 player in my work vehicle signing along. It made me feel stronger and not so alone. Songs I have never heard in over a decade came back to me. It released what I would call a "mild orgasmic" kind of pleasure chemical in my brain to re-hear some musical structures that used to loop around in my head all day but I have since forgotten about. Only for a section of music to come back and I think "OMG I used to love this, I haven't even thought about it since then." I could honestly feel a surge of pleasure spawn at some points in music. Pretty intense.
I am curious as to if other aspies can relate to the phenomenon.