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Love of my life has Autism

Marianne 777

Marianne 777

Member
Hi guys I really need your help. I got with the love of my life 12 month ago. He has fancied me for years. He’s the geeky nerd type very charming and attractive. I’m quite a popular person although deep down I don’t feel like I’m anything special. I am very empathetic and loving with fire in my belly. It was a world wind romance he grew into his role as partner and step dad effortlessly. He bloomed physically and mentally. A couple of months ago I started to have problems with his family. There quite narcissistic. It eventually came between us and he just left suddenly. It has shaken my world. We meet on occasion and I can feel and see the love he has for me. However he messages me saying he no longer loves me and only wants friendship (I think this is his mum) I only found out the truth last night. I wondered if he was in fact a Psychopath but he said he was a good person. He doesn’t believe in labels and says we are all different. I fell in love with his gentleman/odd ways. Like stealing loo rolls and putting tissue under the fruit in the fridge. He tried so hard in the beginning to be perfect for me I never even realised he was on the spectrum. He does tell lies and gas lights me and does give me false hope then rejects me. But in my heart I believe he’s good. He can’t pay bills on time and has never fully lived alone. He works hard is a good provider and likes routeen. He doesn’t like seeing me hurt. He’s buying a house but I believe this is just to prove he can do it and is a burden. He has told me he regrets leaving me but can’t come back. He doesn’t mention my 4 year old whom he was like a dad to. We love and miss him everyday. He’s deteriorating without us. What can I do ? Will he come back? Is he being stubborn? Does he love me in his way? Even though he says he doesn’t. I won’t give up on this person. His mum is envious of me. Or so I thought . Maybe she’s pushed me away so we don’t get hurt. She refers to me as a sunshine person. He his clearly grieving me he said it has hit him hard . What do I do?
 
You’re mentioning quite a lot of harmful and negative aspects of him. Are you sure you want him back?
As for his autism, we can’t predict what he’ll do. Every person with autism is different.
 
Yes I do want him back he makes me happy. His lies are silly sneaky things and the gas lighting is because he feels insecure although he does have ego in many ways. I was in a toxic relationship in the past so they are very subtle negative traits in comparison. He says he is faithful and I do believe him. He’s never had a decent sex life until he met me. I am worried I’ve brought him out of his shell. He’s a kind caring sensitive person. He doesn’t do confrontation. He was an angry child and does hide/deal with anger. He never stood up to his family when they were against me this hurt. But now I realise this would have been difficult to do x
 
He said the other day he thinks I’ve made him a sex pest? Do you think this could be true? He was a late bloomer

Also why would he lie about loving me? I feel his love x
 
Hi Marianne. Lovely name - always been a favourite of mine.
You mention your realisation he is on the spectrum. Was this when he told you? Or did it come by other means?
 
Autistamatic said:
Hi Marianne. Lovely name - always been a favourite of mine.
You mention your realisation he is on the spectrum. Was this when he told you? Or did it come by other means?
Click to expand...
Thank you I always knew he was different (odd) this is what made me fall madly in love with him. He seems vulnerable around me. But a show person in public. Last night I asked him if he was a psychopath or if he was on the autism spectrum. He said he’s a good person. This is what he wrote ...I'm just me, I believe I'm good. I believe your good I believe lots of people are good even if sometimes we do bad things. We make mistakes. That gay guy with the face like a slapped ass I don't believe he is a good person I believe if he did a bad thing its because he purposely set out just to hurt someone. That's the difference to me..... so I said you have Autism then. His aunt posts memes about this all the time. Has it come out too late? Xx
 
Please help me fix this mess I have made. I thought he was being an arse but now I understand and am easily able to change my reactions x
 
This is his reaction when I asked if he had autism.....”I'm just me, I believe I'm good. I believe your good I believe lots of people are good even if sometimes we do bad things. We make mistakes. That gay guy with the face like a slapped ass I don't believe he is a good person I believe if he did a bad thing its because he purposely set out just to hurt someone. That's the difference to me”... can anyone clarify this? X
 
Autistamatic said:
Hi Marianne. Lovely name - always been a favourite of mine.
You mention your realisation he is on the spectrum. Was this when he told you? Or did it come by other means?
Click to expand...
...”I'm just me, I believe I'm good. I believe your good I believe lots of people are good even if sometimes we do bad things. We make mistakes. That gay guy with the face like a slapped ass I don't believe he is a good person I believe if he did a bad thing its because he purposely set out just to hurt someone. That's the difference to me”.. he also said he doesn’t believe in labels we are all different.. xx
 
my answer, I haven’t experienced what he’s experienced ,he obviously is very high functioning (how much do you know about the autism spectrum ?)but because I haven’t experienced what he has experienced, I just cannot tell you ,if you could describe him in more!!! detail !it would be more helpful !autism can look like a lack of socialisation ,the difference! would be !if somebody was taught !to socialise !then they would look like somebody neuro typical!, that is to say non-autistic neurology or another way to describe it non-autistic wiring in the brain .
I presume as you called his mother mum you are from the UK or Australia ,I recommend professor Tony Attwoods books on autism or his videos available on YouTube, he probably doesn’t have an autism diagnosis or doesn’t want to reveal it it is not easy being autistic .
 
I think you have way too little information to conclude he’s on the spectrum. Or a psychopath.
At least the information you’ve shared is inconclusive. Nor are we able to diagnose just from a story.
 
Streetwise said:
my answer, I haven’t experienced what he’s experienced ,he obviously is very high functioning (how much do you know about the autism spectrum ?)but because I haven’t experienced what he has experienced, I just cannot tell you ,if you could describe him in more!!! detail !it would be more helpful !autism can look like a lack of socialisation ,the difference! would be !if somebody was taught !to socialise !then they would look like somebody neuro typical!, that is to say non-autistic neurology or another way to describe it non-autistic wiring in the brain .
I presume as you called his mother mum you are from the UK or Australia ,I recommend professor Tony Attwoods books on autism or his videos available on YouTube, he probably doesn’t have an autism diagnosis or doesn’t want to reveal it it is not easy being autistic .
Click to expand...
Hello I’m from the UK. His mum works with people who are autistic. But they are more severe. Scott you can’t just tell to look at him. His Aunt has Aspergers and his other aunt always posts on fb autism posts. Anyway Scott was a loner as a child. I’ve been in his Group of friends 6 years. We all love him but he’s distant. He doesn’t message his friends or stay in touch. When he has a problem he shuts himself of in isolation and drinks. His father’s an alcoholic narcissist. They had no relationship many years. He sores on me for years I saw him as being young immature and attractively geeky. He’s obsessed with game of thrones. He’s a sheep easily lead by the wrong ones and taken advantage of. He’s also stubborn but acts like a clown in public. Behind that show mask he’s vulnerable kind sensitive and quiet. He always smiles and cuddles me. I can tell it hurts him when I hurt. He walked out easily he didn’t even cry. But he was soon sorry and full of regrets but yet he still won’t surrender and come home. Before he left I kept questioning if he loved me. His actions were there but his word weren’t. (Eyes see now) he does odd things like steals loo roll.. puts kitchen paper in fridge. Always cleans sweeps yard. He either looks smart and well kept and you wouldn’t know there was an issue.. or scruffy and all over. He listens to love songs all the time. He was friends as a child with my ex who was a psychopath. (Now I’m thinking he also was Aspie but coke habit made him nasty) . I always attract these types Narcs etc.. but Scott hasn’t tried to destroy or break me. I think he’s left because he believes I deserve more. He feels guilty. Me and the kids want him back. I don’t want him buying his own place when he can’t pay bills on time. He’s very generous good provider . Works the same rubbish job delivering meat for years. He will do this job forever. His friend run the business. He hit rock bottom after leaving me it’s hit us both hard. I don’t see him cry he hides emotions but crumbles in side. I see it. He had bad anger issues as a child and said he wanted to strangle me once but I know he wouldn’t. He had work done for this. So I’m guessing work done all round. He believes he’s failed? He hasn’t. It’s how I respond that needs to change now I’m aware. He won’t tell me the label directly but when I ask if I’m right he says 50/50. He has small hands and is very thin. He has a small head and large giggly eyes. I absolutely love his charming gentle nature he is my forever person. So what do I do? He’s saying he doesn’t love me but I don’t believe him. I feel his love. Xx thank you so much for your help x
 
Bolletje said:
I think you have way too little information to conclude he’s on the spectrum. Or a psychopath.
At least the information you’ve shared is inconclusive. Nor are we able to diagnose just from a story.
Click to expand...
Please see my reply below thank you for your help xx
 
Streetwise said:
my answer, I haven’t experienced what he’s experienced ,he obviously is very high functioning (how much do you know about the autism spectrum ?)but because I haven’t experienced what he has experienced, I just cannot tell you ,if you could describe him in more!!! detail !it would be more helpful !autism can look like a lack of socialisation ,the difference! would be !if somebody was taught !to socialise !then they would look like somebody neuro typical!, that is to say non-autistic neurology or another way to describe it non-autistic wiring in the brain .
I presume as you called his mother mum you are from the UK or Australia ,I recommend professor Tony Attwoods books on autism or his videos available on YouTube, he probably doesn’t have an autism diagnosis or doesn’t want to reveal it it is not easy being autistic .
Click to expand...
I will read it thank you please read my long reply x
 
He says he doesn’t want to be with me he’s on a different path now. And he’s sticking to his plan. I said I will cut him off for my own sanity if he does this we are halving a chat tonight. He gives VERY mixed messages x
 
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