• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Love of my life has Autism

Well, it seems like he’s clear about what he wants, which is not you. I’d take him at his word.
 
Marianne 777 said:
He says he doesn’t want to be with me he’s on a different path now. And he’s sticking to his plan. I said I will cut him off for my own sanity if he does this we are halving a chat tonight. He gives VERY mixed messages x
Click to expand...
A certain amount of it is autism and it will not! change !but there is definitely mental illness ,the problem is waiting for somebody to be psychologically perfect may mean waiting a lifetime!
 
I don’t want him to change he’s perfect for me. I just want him to come home. And to explain what it is he actually has so I can research it and improve myself to deal with reactions. We had a lovely relationship.
 
Marianne 777 said:
Hello I’m from the UK. His mum works with people who are autistic. But they are more severe. Scott you can’t just tell to look at him. His Aunt has Aspergers and his other aunt always posts on fb autism posts. Anyway Scott was a loner as a child. I’ve been in his Group of friends 6 years. We all love him but he’s distant. He doesn’t message his friends or stay in touch. When he has a problem he shuts himself of in isolation and drinks. His father’s an alcoholic narcissist. They had no relationship many years. He sores on me for years I saw him as being young immature and attractively geeky. He’s obsessed with game of thrones. He’s a sheep easily lead by the wrong ones and taken advantage of. He’s also stubborn but acts like a clown in public. Behind that show mask he’s vulnerable kind sensitive and quiet. He always smiles and cuddles me. I can tell it hurts him when I hurt. He walked out easily he didn’t even cry. But he was soon sorry and full of regrets but yet he still won’t surrender and come home. Before he left I kept questioning if he loved me. His actions were there but his word weren’t. (Eyes see now) he does odd things like steals loo roll.. puts kitchen paper in fridge. Always cleans sweeps yard. He either looks smart and well kept and you wouldn’t know there was an issue.. or scruffy and all over. He listens to love songs all the time. He was friends as a child with my ex who was a psychopath. (Now I’m thinking he also was Aspie but coke habit made him nasty) . I always attract these types Narcs etc.. but Scott hasn’t tried to destroy or break me. I think he’s left because he believes I deserve more. He feels guilty. Me and the kids want him back. I don’t want him buying his own place when he can’t pay bills on time. He’s very generous good provider . Works the same rubbish job delivering meat for years. He will do this job forever. His friend run the business. He hit rock bottom after leaving me it’s hit us both hard. I don’t see him cry he hides emotions but crumbles in side. I see it. He had bad anger issues as a child and said he wanted to strangle me once but I know he wouldn’t. He had work done for this. So I’m guessing work done all round. He believes he’s failed? He hasn’t. It’s how I respond that needs to change now I’m aware. He won’t tell me the label directly but when I ask if I’m right he says 50/50. He has small hands and is very thin. He has a small head and large giggly eyes. I absolutely love his charming gentle nature he is my forever person. So what do I do? He’s saying he doesn’t love me but I don’t believe him. I feel his love. Xx thank you so much for your help x
Click to expand...
just remembered have a terrible memory, autistic men generally are much more obvious in what is labelled the disorder ,autistic women manage to cover it much more successfully .
I have a male relative who is definitely neuro divergent (Another term to learn ,divergent neurology can be schizophrenia ,bipolar disorder, other disorders that are categorised under autism , down syndrome ,rhett syndrome, Kline felter syndrome ,)I think my relative is high functioning on the autism spectrum , he like your partner didn’t stay with his girlfriend !but that was because she wanted to have children and he didn’t want them .
your partner obviously needs therapy .
 
Marianne 777 said:
Why mixed messages then? Kisses cuddles saying he regrets leaving but even if he wanted to come back he couldn’t x
Click to expand...
Definitely start reading books on autism .specifically high functioning autism ,the problem it is common to have anxiety but also finding it very very hard to cope with anxiety, part of autism is a lack of socialisation it’s what characterises it that’s where the mixed messages come in In his mind it’s probably completely sensible ,trying to convey that to you would be very very hard for him,The problem is our perception of the world is based on logic and your perception is the based on emotion so try having to learn another language which is basically what perceiving the world via emotion is we do not speak emotion fluently but know this we are not called the total opposite we feel it Strongly it is shattering ,plus sensitivity to light sound smell touch so we need a huge amount of rest to just cope with doing, what you need probably a quarter of,I have experience of a neurological disease !not me but somebody I knew very, very ,very ,well and this was a wasting disease ,so doing anything contributed to the disease is progressing much faster, autism is like a very very very slow form of that disease.
 
Tom said:
Call me a worrywart, but I am a little uncomfortable with the 'strangle you' part.
Click to expand...
I know being English it doesn’t feel towards the way it does to people from other countries it’s just what people say when they’re exasperated
 
Streetwise said:
Definitely start reading books on autism .specifically high functioning autism ,the problem it is common to have anxiety but also finding it very very hard to cope with anxiety, part of autism is a lack of socialisation it’s what characterises it that’s where the mixed messages come in In his mind it’s probably completely sensible ,trying to convey that to you would be very very hard for him,The problem is our perception of the world is based on logic and your perception is the based on emotion so try having to learn another language which is basically what perceiving the world via emotion is we do not speak emotion fluently but know this we are not called the total opposite we feel it Strongly it is shattering ,plus sensitivity to light sound smell touch so we need a huge amount of rest to just cope with doing, what you need probably a quarter of,I have experience of a neurological disease !not me but somebody I knew very, very ,very ,well and this was a wasting disease ,so doing anything contributed to the disease is progressing much faster, autism is like a very very very slow form of that disease.
Click to expand...
That makes sense . This is why I won’t give up . If his actions show me love he loves me and I don’t need to take on board what he says? Do you agree? Go of his actions? Xx
 
Marianne 777 said:
That makes sense . This is why I won’t give up . If his actions show me love he loves me and I don’t need to take on board what he says? Do you agree? Go of his actions? Xx
Click to expand...
It’s complicated he may ?communicate largely via his actions where I communicate slightly differently usually autistic people do communicate via their actions, being benign isn’t necessarily intimacy or affection it could be a survival mechanism (If you understand animal psychology?! a mother bird for instance When confronted by a predator will pretend it is dying or injured -so being benign ,but it is not being loving!)
 
Streetwise said:
It’s complicated he may ?communicate largely via his actions where I communicate slightly differently usually autistic people do communicate via their actions, being benign isn’t necessarily intimacy or affection it could be a survival mechanism (If you understand animal psychology?! a mother bird for instance When confronted by a predator will pretend it is dying or injured -so being benign ,but it is not being loving!)
Click to expand...
Yes I’ve been in this situation in the past but with Scott it’s like he’s hiding an eruption of feelings? I catch him staring at me and smiling x
 
If my car breaks down he’s straight here. He feels so guilty for leaving jack can’t even talk about him. He said he’s pressed the re set button x
 
Marianne 777 said:
Yes I’ve been in this situation in the past but with Scott it’s like he’s hiding an eruption of feelings? I catch him staring at me and smiling x
Click to expand...
because he’s trying to interpret what you’re saying !but he’s not fluent in your language!, I did exactly what he’s doing for 30 years, held in depression and panic !and that is something he will have to want to change himself !I only did it because my mother died .
 
Marianne 777 said:
Yes I’ve been in this situation in the past but with Scott it’s like he’s hiding an eruption of feelings? I catch him staring at me and smiling x
Click to expand...
Probably doesn’t help that he comes from an anglo-Saxon catholic/ puritan culture ,Which is about denying yourself ,not drawing attention to yourself,He’s also an introvert from what you’ve said so expressing feelings will be extremely unnatural
 
Streetwise said:
Probably doesn’t help that he comes from an anglo-Saxon catholic/ puritan culture ,Which is about denying yourself ,not drawing attention to yourself,He’s also an introvert from what you’ve said so expressing feelings will be extremely unnatural
Click to expand...
Yes he believes feelings are for girls and we are both catholic. We don’t practice religion x thank you x
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom