Likely to be Delayed 2-3 Years, Advice?

[Yeshuasdaughter]

I really dislike how there are people on this thread telling this teenager to disobey or rebel against his parents. Or insulting his parents. His parents do know information that we do not, and they ultimately know what's best for him.

 

[VernalSole1355]

I really dislike how there are people on this thread telling this teenager to disobey or rebel against his parents. Or insulting his parents. His parents do know information that we do not, and they ultimately know what's best for him.

Thank you for the reality check.

As a Christian, I can say that disobeying, rebelling against, and insulting my parents, are all big no-no's according to our beliefs. I take this extremely seriously. Not to mention my mother's disease and other factors, like me not being able to live independently currently, no driver's liscense, etc. I'd ask everyone to please keep this in mind when giving me your advice.

I love my parents. Deeply. Leaving them is almost impossible. It's just we all have our struggles, and it is hard on all of us.

 

[SDRSpark]

I really dislike how there are people on this thread telling this teenager to disobey or rebel against his parents. Or insulting his parents. His parents do know information that we do not, and they ultimately know what's best for him.

He's a legal adult, or about to be. Parents aren't the be - all and end - all of existence. He has to take responsibility for his life at some point. They also don't necessarily know what's best for him, although his seem like genuinely good people, unlike some parents out there.

 

[VernalSole1355]

I think your parents need to understand that not everyone can take the same path in life and that's okay.

My parents say that they'll be OK with me becoming a tradesman, not going or going to college. They have said that they will support me no matter what, yet when I had a conversation with them about the GED, they basically said "you gotta pay rent, get a job, etc. or your on your own." My dad is VERY, VERY honest. I am not going to call that bluff. It will end badly.

My parents, both my mom & my dad, and other members of my family have expressed their opinion that I need to get my High School diploma because "I'm too smart". They aren't wrong. My IQ is higher than my mom & my dad. I am EXTREMELY smart.

This whole screw-up started after I went to a private Christian school for half a semester, and then ended up having to pull out of it. I was late finishing last year too and now this year again. At that school, we basically did NOTHING. Literally, and it wasn't even the student's or the teacher's fault. Leadership wasn't the best. All due respect to my former Headmaster though, who was a Behavioral Analyst. He did help me out.

My parents want me to graduate because they know, as do I, that if I don't, I'm going to have 10x more difficulty in me being able to live independently given society's current situation. They are afraid for my wellbeing, and they have every right to be. I can't live independently right now. I live in Tennessee, so it's not like I can walk everywhere. I don't have family in the near vicinity (closest thing is my half-brother in Atlanta), so I don't have anywhere to go...

The entire situation is a mess. I, very much, want to finish my High School education. But no matter what I do, I never can seem to work on it. I've tried everything. Literally. My parents have even put me under a HEAVY grounding until I finish this year, but it still doesn't work.

I don't want to fail, I don't at all. I'm scared, and stressed out. Knowing what my parents are going to do if I fail (literally take away EVERYTHING except for school & church, and the obvious necessities). I don't have any bail out cards to play, and I feel like I'm doomed to fail given the situation. I'm in a corner, and I can't play, think, or work my way out of it...

 

[VernalSole1355]

In all honesty, I feel like I want to runaway at times, but then the smart side of me slaps me across the face because it knows that it's a completely stupid decision...

 

[SDRSpark]

Hey, it sounds like things aren't as much of a mess as you think they are.

It also sounds like you have some executive function issues. "Discipline" doesn't fix those. Are you working with a therapist or doctor? That would be a good first step to get THOSE issues under control, as you'll need that in order to succeed in life regardless of whether you have a GED or diploma or nothing at all.

 

[SDRSpark]

I've seen "executive function" things thrown around, but I've never heard of the term outside of this. Care to elaborate?

I'm short on time and going to botch this explanation, I'm sure, but I'll do my best:

Executive function is basically your ability to initiate and carry out a start. (Edit: I meant task not start.) When you have an executive function difficulty, you often know what needs to be done, but can't initiate the task or can't finish the task. You may have difficulty staying on track, or your brain just goes "derp" when it comes to telling your body to do something (for example, I can be thirsty as heck, have a glass of water sitting right in front of me, and I'll just stare off into space instead of picking up the glass and drinking it, even though I KNOW that's what I need to be doing).

It's really common in neurodivergents, and punishment does NOT fix it. It requires coping strategies and sometimes medication, but you can't think your way out of it. It simply does not work that way.

 

[VernalSole1355]

@SDRSpark
That is the literal nail on the head for me.

I will 100% look into this, may even reach out to my old Behavioral Analyst again about it. Thanks!

 

[SDRSpark]

@SDRSpark
That is the literal nail on the head for me.

I will 100% look into this, may even reach out to my old Behavioral Analyst again about it. Thanks!

It's so common with us! You're definitely not alone and it's 100% your neurology.

 

[VernalSole1355]

So, it's been a couple weeks since I started this thread. I've had some time to think about advice given here as well as talk to my parents, family, religious counsellors, and friends about my situation. I thought I would share with you all our plan going forward and how I've come to accept my situation and cope with it.

For all my life, especially these last couple of years with everything that has happened, I've been a pessimist, plain and simple. All I've seen are the negatives that have happened. COVID, my dad's heart attack, my school situation being what it is, not having a lot of friends, etc. Throughout this year until now, I've blamed my school situation on literally everything except myself. Now, there is a valid argument to be had in that what has happened in my life did have an effect on my life. Well, what happened ultimately did not interfere with my ability to do the work. Sure, it put stress on myself, but I think what happened was I started using them as an excuse to not work at all and get out of it.

I have to tip my hat to my support system here, family, friends, counsellors, everybody. Not a single one of them said: "You should just get your GED". While they all said: "A GED is a legitimate option", every one of them said "Get your High School diploma".

On top of this, I've been doing some religious meditation, praying and the like, trying to figure out the solution to this. I do admit, I have prayed at times for my Creator to allow me a loophole to get out of getting my diploma, so I can just take the easy route because I, quite frankly, don't like doing half of my work because it's hard. Well, he hasn't. And I'm extremely glad he hasn't.

I've come to the realization that the problem has been for this entire course of time, myself. I've denied it at every nook & cranny up until this point in time. I have always said "I can't, I can't, I can't", but have come to the realization that I can finish school, I can get my diploma, and I can go to college if I want to. Y'know the cliche that your mom or dad or guardian tells you "You can do anything you want to do if you put your heart to it." Well, she told me that, and it is true.

But now after being brought back to reality, I can say that this is ultimately my fault that I'm in this mess. And I am going to pay for it, having to delay at least a year. But I believe everything happens for a reason, and I've come up with a plan to straighten this out.

The plan is simple. I have 2 weeks left. I'm going to finish 3 of my subjects, those being Bible, History, and College Planner (elective). I will have to retake Math, English, and Latin (2) next year. I will also be finishing my remaining electives next year. If all goes as planned, I will graduate apart of the 2021-22 class.

I'm going to stop saying "I can't" and replace it with "I'm struggling with". I'm going to stop being stubborn and actually ask for help when I need it. I'm going to get into a regular routine, both physically and spiritually. I intend to dig myself out of this hole that I've dug myself into.

...And thats my TED talk. Lol.

 

[GBWest]

GED.

50% of high school graduates fail it. Thus, if you pass, you're already above average. And colleges don't care.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Some people are late bloomers , do not read to much into it.real life does not have a time table.